Won't use toilet for no 2 help

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by happybunny, Dec 13, 2015.

  1. happybunny

    happybunny Registered User

    Mar 28, 2013
    11
    OH has now decided he will not use the toilet to poo. I have no idea what's changed as he was fine last week. The problem is he won't even go to the bathroom he could be anywhere. Does anyone have any ideas or advice as we are with our son over Christmas and I don't particularly want the grandchildren to see.
     
  2. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,743
    Female
    London
    I don't think it's a conscious decision, more a deepening of confusion over what a toilet is and where it can be found. Especially in someon else's house he can't be expected to remember where the loo is. Try to toilet him regularly and always try to get him to sit down in case he needs a poo.
     
  3. happybunny

    happybunny Registered User

    Mar 28, 2013
    11
    #3 happybunny, Dec 13, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 13, 2015
    Fortunately it hasn't happened whilst we have been out this is happening at home.and he flatly refuses to sit on the toilet and fights every step of the way. Yesterday he trod it all up the hallway , so not only did I have to sort him out I had to clean the carpet as well. Today he just stood in the kitchen bent over and started to poo there. He is in good health and has no infections, but I'm stumped on how to deal with this.
     
  4. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,743
    Female
    London
    I understand, I was just reacting to you saying you'll be at your son's for Christmas, so presumably a not so well-known environment for him. If I tell OH to go to the toilet, he often heads to the kitchen, and lately he's veered off to the bedroom instead. I've thought about putting a large sign on the bathroom door, but at the moment I'm still put off by the "care home look".
     
  5. happybunny

    happybunny Registered User

    Mar 28, 2013
    11
    I already have a sign on bathroom door and that's not working either.
     
  6. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,598
    West Midlands
    My thought

    Is the loo seat white? Maybe changing the colour of the loo seat to red. It's been discussed in the past that red loo seats help to orientate what it actually is.

    Make the loo stand out with a coloured mat round it. Maybe he can't "see" the loo and the thought of sitting down on "nothing" is what's stopping him using it


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  7. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,731
    I understand that this might sound a bit weird but his behaviour in the loo is similar in a lot of ways to a young child who is frightened of the toilet. Could you find something that he really really likes - food or sweets or a particular object and get him to the toilet regularly and bribe him with it in the loo to sit down? It might just break the pattern and then it will just have been a passing phase - which it probably is anyway but there are passing phases and passing phases and this one must be really hard to deal with!!!
     
  8. Selinacroft

    Selinacroft Registered User

    Oct 10, 2015
    936
    Hi
    This must be very worrying with Christmas visits fast approaching. Can you persuade him to wear continence pads to contain things a little?
     
  9. betsie

    betsie Registered User

    Jun 11, 2012
    252
    My dad was never keen to sit on the loo he always said it was cold.
    Maybe try a wood seat if you have a white plastic one.
    I always gave my dad a magasine or paper to look at and left the door open so he could see out.
    I think the toilet issues are one of the hardest to deal with, the mess, smell and feeling your house isn't clean is horrible. I really sympathise and hope you find a way to change his mind.
    If all else fails could you get a commode chair? I know you still have to clean it out but at least it's contained.
     
  10. Sue J

    Sue J Registered User

    Dec 9, 2009
    8,035
    Hi Happybunny,

    Just a few thoughts:
    Do you think he is constipated? if so maybe he hasn't the focus to stay on the loo very long?
    Are you usually in the kitchen when he's in the loo? Wonder if he needs you there to help him stay until he's finished or he isn't coping with you out of sight.

    Not easy:( hope you find a way round it.
    Best wishes
    Sue:)
     
  11. Blimey

    Blimey Registered User

    Jun 6, 2012
    20
    Hi

    Certainly not the nicest thing to have to deal with and your concerns about granchildren is understandable. Wondering if he could use a commode, you can get LLoyd loom ones on ebay that look like a nice wicker chair and you just lift the seat to use. Best wishes
     
  12. happybunny

    happybunny Registered User

    Mar 28, 2013
    11
    Thank you everyone for your advice, today I tried to force the issue and made him sit on the toilet , it took about 15 mins trying to pursuade him but got there in the end, it was fairly successful as we have nog had an accident today. I do stay in the bathroom with him as he loses concentration when alone and will get up and wander off. Hopefully this will be the way to go just means having to egg up even earlier the days I work so the PA doesn't gave to deal with it.
     
  13. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,731
    Well done you for getting the first step sorted out, perhaps this will be the breakthrough. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you x
     
  14. LizK

    LizK Registered User

    Dec 18, 2015
    124
    Surrey
    Like happybunny, my husband also trod faeces into the hall carpet. He's also reached into his padded pants and put lumps in the food recycling, wastepaper bin, pot pourri and down my kitchen sink. As he used the bin in his room during the night to urinate, I provided a large B&Q bucket, as he dribbled urine on the carpet I then cut a metre square out of a tarpaulin which I placed under the bucket. Last night there was no urine in the bucket just on the tarpaulin piece and the carpet. Whatever I do he seems to find a way round it to create more problems. Also any tips out there to get a man to urinate when you sit him on the toilet? My husband will sit there for ages then get up and wee into his padded pants or take them down and use the carpet. This behaviour is really getting me down.
     
  15. Casbow

    Casbow Registered User

    Sep 3, 2013
    997
    Colchester
    LizK

    You are amazing. I thought I was having a bad time!!!Have you asked Social services for help. I believe they have incontinence nurses to help. You certainly need help. Please ring Social services. Good luck.xxxx
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.