1. jax

    jax Registered User

    Mar 2, 2005
    3
    My husbands father clearly has some form of dementia, he's been deteriorating for the last two years. The thing is no one will make him go to the Dr's. He refuses to go when his wife (Husband's mum) asks him, and she won't let anyone else talk to him because 'It'll strip away the last piece of dignity he has'.

    She's clearly not helping him and the rest of us are unsure what to do. He has to go to the Dr's for a routine check soon, and she's promted the Dr to look out for it, but if he does go, that'll be where it stops, there's no way he'd got to a consultant or have an MRI.

    Any advice from anyone in a similar situation would be great. We're trying to get her to comprehend the severity of what's happening, but she thinks it's her duty to just care for him come what may. I've suggested that drugs will slow the progression, but no one's forcing him to confront it.
     
  2. storm

    storm Registered User

    Aug 10, 2004
    269
    notts
    Hi jax,How about getting some leaflets from the alzheimers site and showing them to his wife,she may be scared about what is happening and what they are going to have to face up to.Its very hard to accept what is happening but you are quite right the sooner you all know you can start the battle.good luck and welcome to T/P.storm
     
  3. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Dear Jax,

    Probably one good move you could make at this time would be to find out when your father in law is due for his scheduled Dr's visit. You can then make and appointment with the doctor and outline your worries to him beforehand. The Doctor can then make appointments with CP's, etc as necessary after that. Many elderly people won't take advice from families, but are very amenable to directions from GP's as authority figures.

    I know this sounds a bit underhand, but sometimes we have to be a bit sneaky to get things sorted out for the good.... My parents' GP is particuarly helpful with this approach.....

    Best wishes,

    Jude
     
  4. LISA YOUNG

    LISA YOUNG Registered User

    Feb 1, 2005
    12
    BOLTON, LANCS
    Hya
    I understand exactly how you feel, we had the same problem with my Mum and Dad. My Mum has AD, it took a long time for my Dad to accept it, he felt by not having it diagnosed he was protecting her, this is not the case. My Dad spoke to the doctor before hand, explaining my Mums reluctance to go and the problems she had been having, he then told my Mum he had bumped into her doctor and that she was due for a check up. It worked, she went and was then referred to a specialist. At first my Dad didnt want to take it any further, but I spoke to talking point and got the answers I needed from people with similar experience. I have since spoke to my Dad and told him in due course he will need help and he needs the safety nets set up. He accepted this and we are now moving forward. My mum is accepting having to go to the doctors, she complains but goes.
    Good luck
    Lisa
     
  5. jax

    jax Registered User

    Mar 2, 2005
    3
    Thanks so much for all the advice. I've printed out all the fact sheets I think are relevent for her, and I found out last night that she's arranged a home visit with the Dr.

    Thing is now mother in law is terribly upset. I think she's beginning to comprehend what's in store and I'm not sure she'll be able to cope. She's hidden from it for so long, it seems she's in tears all the time at the thought of an actual diagnosis.
     
  6. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Dear Jax,,,,,,you are not alone. Do't have any answers. but I will borow one of Sheila's......give yourself a ;big hug'.........and one from Norm: day by day: you really are not alone. LOVE Connie
     
  7. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Dear Jax,

    Do try and reassure your MIL that you will be there to help her through and that she won't be expected to cope alone. The unknown can be very frightening....

    Jude
     

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