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Won't accept he forgets things

Discussion in 'Memory concerns and seeking a diagnosis' started by MetalKnee16, Jan 25, 2019.

  1. MetalKnee16

    MetalKnee16 New member

    Jan 30, 2018
    5
    My mum has suffered memory loss for some time but has strategies for coping with it. She never forgets appointments because she writes everything down. However she repeats herself multiple times. Dad gets very cross with her and me because I tell her stuff. He says that I should only tell him because he has to remember for both of them. He doesn't accept that he is forgetting things and is unable to follow conversations. I think his ability to reason is going. He refuses to accept this. He says we think he is stupid. They are both living in an assisted living facility near me so at least they are watched and staff are aware of the problems. He constantly tells mum that she is repeating herself. I just don't bother as I don't see any point in upsetting her. Dad is driving me mad as he focusses on one thing and worries it to death. He is 93 and she is 90. I think they are driving each other nuts!
     
  2. sinkhole

    sinkhole Registered User

    Jan 28, 2015
    269
    I know it's difficult to watch this going on but there's not a lot you can do to change his behaviour. My mum always needs something to worry about. If I take responsibility for one problem so she doesn't have to think about it, she just comes up with something else, usually quite trivial.

    If anything, I would focus on coping strategies for you, so you you don't end up caught in the middle or getting frustrated trying to change your dad. Sometimes you will just have to walk away for a while and leave them to it. At least they are not living on their own.
     
  3. Katrine

    Katrine Registered User

    Jan 20, 2011
    2,852
    England
    Hi MetalKnee 16. It sounds as if your Dad is desperate to stay in control. He may not understand why he's struggling, but is scared and frustrated. A man of his generation expects to be in charge and to think it's OK to hector and shout when you and your Mum are disobeying him. You can't change his expectations. He's been around for nearly a century and it is what it is in his mind.

    What opportunities does your Dad get to relax and enjoy himself? I would focus on that. He needs to ease up on the constant vigilance and experience social contact with people outside the family unit. Sometimes long-married couples run out of things to say to each other. I have an aunt and uncle (married 70 years) who, apparently, do not talk to each other but are lively conversationalists with everyone else!
     

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