We're currently experiencing technical issues with our newsletter software, so our Dementia Talking Point monthly updates have been put on hold for now. We hope to restart the newsletter soon.
Find out more >here<.
Hello @lemonbalm , I'd wondered about staff levels at the weekend so I will go again in a couple of days and see how things are.Hello @facline . From your post, it sounds as though the standard of care is really not good enough today. However, weekends are often a time when staff levels are low. Even the care-home my mum is in which is in general very good can appear less so on some days when there aren't really enough carers to go round.
Are you able to visit again soon and see if things seem better? If not, I think I would definitely voice your concerns. Keep a note of your concerns ready in case they have been addressed in between visits and, if not, have them to hand when you/your mum speak to the care home manager.
I'm surprised you were allowed to visit, by the way. Did you have to wear PPE?
Hello @lemonbalm, sorry for not replying until now! That's good to know re: the paracetamol. I tried to speak to the duty social worker all week but nobody called me back as planned - I think our assigned worker is back on Monday so fingers crossed I'll get some answers about what physio / OT / doctors have said then.Hello @facline. It seems common practice to prescribe regular paracetamol to people with dementia to help with any agitation or discomfort due to pain which the person often can't easily express. At least your nan has "seen" a GP. I assume this is one associated with the care home residents. I don't know if it's usual for nobody to cover for a Social Worker when they are on holiday. What happens if you call the number for the social worker?
I know @lemonbalm, I was so surprised we could visit and so often, too! Looks like my aunt and / or cousin are still visiting too as their were more chocolates in my nan's room so that's a bit concerning as it's against their own COVID-19 policy as I mentioned before...Hello @facline . Your visit sounds quite good. The visiting rules seem very much more relaxed where you are!!!
Your nan sounds quite confused but my mum is always this confused at the best of times even with medication.
At my mum's carehome, they photograph any marks or bruises for the care records. I think it is worth asking the social worker about that when you speak to her. My mum often has bruises as she is often very agitated and hits things (or carers). I would ask the care home staff/manager about the wound on your nan's leg and the bruises. It's not a bad thing to let them know you notice things and it sounds as though the wound may need some attention.
It's tricky when you're asked about people who are long gone. If my mum says "is Dad with you?" (never sure whether she means my Dad or her Dad) I usually say "just me here today mum" and change the subject. You can say things like "I haven't seen him/her today" or whatever you think may work. It's best not to remind nan about the fact that people have died, as it will feel like new news and cause distress. The only time I reminded my mum very gently that Dad had died is when she was so awfully distressed that he had left her (he didn't) that I thought she would find it less distressing. I gently said that he had died a little while ago but had always loved her and that her brain got in a bit of a tangle sometimes because of her stroke, and some memories fell out occasionally - not to worry. She just said "I'm a widow?" and then talked about something else! You may find that your nan thinks she has seen somebody recently who died long ago and it's best to say something neutral like "oh that's nice". You'll get the hang of it.
Rather a long post from me. I hope you got to the end. I also hope you get to speak with the social worker on Monday so that you can clarify a few things.
Hi @MartinWL , yes, I had been reading about that recently and was worried that's the option we'd have to take. My nan was having lucid days but this seems to be getting less often now. I got her to sign the financial assessment form last Sunday and I felt that she understood what it was for (she keeps worrying about having to pay for things so I think it put her mind at rest slightly). It's so frustrating because I'd mentioned the LPA to her on a "good day" after the deterioration became noticeable and went through the options with her and she agreed to me and my mother signing it - it was just the GP that got in the way of us being able to see the process through before it was too late Apparently the social worker is going to do a mental capacity assessment next week... I'm not even sure a deputyship would be something we could afford - what would happen if we had nothing in place?Regarding the LPA it does not sound as if your grandmother has the required mental capacity to sign it herself. If that is the case you will need to apply to the court of protection to become a "Deputy". A more difficult process I am afraid.
Hello @Louise7, have been looking through all of that today and, without sounding like a horrible person, I really don't think I have it in me to do this. It would be all down to me as my mom is too ill to deal with it. I will be moving away and won't be having any contact with my nan once she is settled in her long term home so wouldn't be able to do things like the annual report of decisions because I simply won't be around to make the decisions! I hope this doesn't make me seem like I don't care - there are a number of personal reasons (my own health being one of them) which I won't go into here that have contributed to me effectively handing over care to professionals once my nan is in a place of safety. I don't think we'll need a financial affairs deputyship as my nan doesn't own her home, has no savings and my mom's name is already on the joint account as well as her will. I could ask my aunt to do it but she has been utterly useless so far in terms of providing care assistance and as it stands now she is ignoring us completely.@facline If your nan has lost capacity then deputyship will be required but this can be done without a solicitor - members here who have been through the process will hopefully post to provide you with some details. In relation to applying for property & financial affairs deputyship, the fee is £365 however you and your mum aren't responsible for paying this - the fees should come out of your nan's money. If she has less than £16,000 she should qualify for a reduction in her fees. These links will help to explain the process:
You are not obliged to take on deputyship if you don't want to, and it definitely doesn't make you a horrible person or someone who doesn't care. If there is no one in the family willing to take on the role then the local authority can take this on - let the social worker know that neither you or your mum will be able to take on the deputyship role due to health reasons.If there is no one to take care of the deputyship, what would happen?
Thank you @Louise7, I'll do that. I feel like I'm abandoning her but I just wouldn't be able to cope with the responsibility.You are not obliged to take on deputyship if you don't want to, and it definitely doesn't make you a horrible person or someone who doesn't care. If there is no one in the family willing to take on the role then the local authority can take this on - let the social worker know that neither you or your mum will be able to take on the deputyship role due to health reasons.