Hello, I hope this is the right place to post this question.
A little background, I'm currently 24 and my mother (a single parent and Polish immigrant) was sadly diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's at 60, when I was 20, so about 4 years ago now. It's been a tricky journey, with her decline being quite rapid, and with no family or support in this country ( I have never lived in Poland and do not speak Polish so family ties are a little weak, although I now try and visit often and they are lovely people). I had no idea what I was doing for a few years and did not handle things as well as I perhaps should have.
After hospitalisation due to a UTI social services helped and she was on a 3× a day care plan for a year but this was not enough, and following this all social support/PIP/independent living or care homes in the UK were declined due to my mum unfortunately not having relevant documents. 3 years ago I made the decision (as I was still a student/working part time and had no savings so could not afford the >£2000 a month private care home fees in the UK) to move my mum to Poland to live with my aunt and grandma. This was an ok solution, particularly as she was now safe and had supervision 24h a day, and as she lost the ability to speak English as the condition progressed I could not understand her/vice versa.
Eventually however, this was too stressful for my 89 year old grandma and my family asked me to find a care home for mum. With their help we found one in Poland who would accept her, not too far from my family, with the exchange rate from pounds to zloty thankfully allowing me to work and study and pay for good care. She seems settled and the care home staff seem very caring and experienced, updating me often, facetiming mum, and (before coronavirus) I would visit 4-6 times a year for a week or two.
I obviously wish for many things- that this never happened to mum, or it happened later when I was more financially stable and could look after mum more myself, or that I at least could visit her every week rather than only a few times a year. I am not sure she honestly knows who I am any more, and I have not been able to talk to her in English for over 2 years (I have tried to learn polish but it is slow process, and her speech is a bit random, so even my cousin's find it hard to translate).
I know that the most important things are fixed- that she is safe, and has caring, professional people around her, but I still feel like I'm not doing enough. Not many things engage her but I try and send letters and pictures, and I'm currently working on making a sensory blanket that I hope might help her in case she is bored during the day. I often wonder if I just am a selfish person not looking after her myself as I always promised her I would never put her in a care home. As I understand she is much calmer in the care home than before but I don't know if she is truly happy.
I wonder if there's maybe something I'm missing- on what I can do immediately to make her happier, (I'm visiting finally again in September after my flights got cancelled due to coronavirus, and plan on going as often as I can after that), and perhaps if I should try and consider something longer term.
I am not sure I can move to Poland and get a well enough paying job without knowledge of the language, and I don't want to do anything drastic just for my sake and risk upsetting mum (i.e moving her for no reason and stressing her), so I just am not sure of what options I have left.
Sorry this was a bit rambling- I hope I managed to get some question across. Thank you for reading!
A little background, I'm currently 24 and my mother (a single parent and Polish immigrant) was sadly diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's at 60, when I was 20, so about 4 years ago now. It's been a tricky journey, with her decline being quite rapid, and with no family or support in this country ( I have never lived in Poland and do not speak Polish so family ties are a little weak, although I now try and visit often and they are lovely people). I had no idea what I was doing for a few years and did not handle things as well as I perhaps should have.
After hospitalisation due to a UTI social services helped and she was on a 3× a day care plan for a year but this was not enough, and following this all social support/PIP/independent living or care homes in the UK were declined due to my mum unfortunately not having relevant documents. 3 years ago I made the decision (as I was still a student/working part time and had no savings so could not afford the >£2000 a month private care home fees in the UK) to move my mum to Poland to live with my aunt and grandma. This was an ok solution, particularly as she was now safe and had supervision 24h a day, and as she lost the ability to speak English as the condition progressed I could not understand her/vice versa.
Eventually however, this was too stressful for my 89 year old grandma and my family asked me to find a care home for mum. With their help we found one in Poland who would accept her, not too far from my family, with the exchange rate from pounds to zloty thankfully allowing me to work and study and pay for good care. She seems settled and the care home staff seem very caring and experienced, updating me often, facetiming mum, and (before coronavirus) I would visit 4-6 times a year for a week or two.
I obviously wish for many things- that this never happened to mum, or it happened later when I was more financially stable and could look after mum more myself, or that I at least could visit her every week rather than only a few times a year. I am not sure she honestly knows who I am any more, and I have not been able to talk to her in English for over 2 years (I have tried to learn polish but it is slow process, and her speech is a bit random, so even my cousin's find it hard to translate).
I know that the most important things are fixed- that she is safe, and has caring, professional people around her, but I still feel like I'm not doing enough. Not many things engage her but I try and send letters and pictures, and I'm currently working on making a sensory blanket that I hope might help her in case she is bored during the day. I often wonder if I just am a selfish person not looking after her myself as I always promised her I would never put her in a care home. As I understand she is much calmer in the care home than before but I don't know if she is truly happy.
I wonder if there's maybe something I'm missing- on what I can do immediately to make her happier, (I'm visiting finally again in September after my flights got cancelled due to coronavirus, and plan on going as often as I can after that), and perhaps if I should try and consider something longer term.
I am not sure I can move to Poland and get a well enough paying job without knowledge of the language, and I don't want to do anything drastic just for my sake and risk upsetting mum (i.e moving her for no reason and stressing her), so I just am not sure of what options I have left.
Sorry this was a bit rambling- I hope I managed to get some question across. Thank you for reading!
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