Wondering about wandering

[Turkish Delight]

May I ask for your advice about wandering?
I think my Mum may be starting to wander. Last night I had a phone call from the police saying that she was at the neighbour's door and was distressed about her handbag. My brother lives with her but was visiting his wife for the weekend and the carer had left at around 8. I am trying to piece together the events of last night and then try to develop a strategy to help Mum cope when my brother takes a needed break. I am travelling down this weekend.
Would you have any tips on how to approach this stage? Constant knowledge of the whereabouts of "the handbag" will be vital, but will there be other things that may crop up to trigger her anxiety? Her excellent mobility despite her recent hip fracture is going to be a serious concern as we go into winter. How can I keep her indoors?

 

[canary]

Wandering is a serious problem and difficult to stop.
There can be many triggers - thinking thats its day time and they need to be at work/pick the children up/go shopping etc; trying to find something that is "lost" - sometimes an item, sometimes a person (thinking that they have to find a lost child is common); not recognising their home and going out looking for their "real" home; so many things can trigger it.

Its really hard to manage. The triggers may be impossible to stop. The carers might make sure that your mum knows exactly where her handbag is, but 5 mins after they have gone she might no longer remember, or maybe move it herself, so that she can then no longer find it.

You can get trackers which will at least tell you where they are and some will alert you if they go beyond a certain distance, but this only works if they have the tracker on them (many will remove "strange" items) and doesnt actually stop them. You can get door alarms which which will play a recording telling them not to go out, but usually it is ignored (as are notices pinned on the door). You may find that it works for a while, though. I have heard of people using a black door mat that appears to the person with dementia to be a hole and they wont step on it.

Ultimately, though, what she needs is an actual person with her 27/7 to reassure and direct her. Probably, the best (and maybe only) outcome is if she has some respite at a care home while your brother has his very much needed time out.

 

[Sirena]

I agree with all Canary has said. My mother had carers in every day (for 5 or 6 hours) and she was fine when they were there but when alone she started wandering - it was two years ago (at exactly this time of year) and it signalled that she could not be left on her own at all. She would go out in the dark and wet, no coat, no handbag, no keys, and have to be rescued by neighbours. I don't know what the triggers were - something would pop into her head and she'd set off.

We did get her a Linkline system with a monitor on the front door which contacted a call centre if she opened the door (as described above by Canary) plus it had a tracker system with it. However as soon as the carer left she would remove the tracker and it wasn't a lot of use sat on the table. When you get to this stage, you solve one problem only to find another.

I realised she was no longer safe at home, and she moved to a care shortly afterwards. However as your brother lives there, it should be easier for you to ensure she has supervision at all times, by providing 'cover' when he isn't there (whether that's relatives/friends or professional carers).

 

[myss]

Hi @Turkish Delight I'm sorry to hear that you have this concern with your mum. My dad has (and probably still has) this trait too and I have to agree with canary's post.

My dad lives in his home and had carers visiting quite regularly. The first we knew of the wandering was the same as you - a call from police in the middle of the night. I believe the trigger was that he thought he had a favour to do for someone.
Then there was the occasion when a family member visited him at a regular time that he should have been aware of and dad had left looking for his car (he had stopped driving the previous year). We were fortunate that another family member spotted him on her way over and he was at the house of a couple who had a similar car.

We bought a tracker and it was initially invaluable as there was a time when a carer reported him missing and without it we would have never have found him so quickly. That trigger was that he was off to see a friend and got lost. As canary said he then stopped taking the items he always used to take with him - one of which had the tracker attached.

We had tried other things before that like signs on the door and putting something removable across the door to act as a sort-of barrier (of course he just removed it!) but after a while we realise that he needed someone physically to stop him from wandering and now someone is there every night and for 95% of the days.
For that other 5% (which is about 4 hours of one day) we have locked the door that he tends to always wander from and have cleared this with the local authority adult safeguarding team as there is more than one alternative entrance he can leave his house from in an emergency.

 

[Turkish Delight]

Thank you everyone for your replies. I think this is one of the times for me to 'learn to sit on my hands'. I tend to want to react and was very tempted to travel to her house last night, but fatigue, a little alcohol and the thought of such a long journey put me off. I wish sometimes that I lived closer. I chatted to the care manager who was able to report back to me that last night's carer had found Mum very lucid and talked intelligently about her past and war experiences, and so was surprised to hear that she had become anxious to the point of going to the neighbour's. I wonder if she was so lucid that she wanted to be organised, but found too many gaps in her memory and filled them with the need to go out.
Having my brother there is a silver lining in what has been a pretty dark cloud of his life so far, and I want to protect him from any relapses not just for him, but selfishly for me too. I am not sure how long he will want to stay there, although he has no where else to live that is 'rent-free'.
I get the impression that we may be entering a stage of unpredictable surges of confused independence, with potentially serious consequences. I think we need to proactively create a safety blanket to be ready to throw around Mum - perhaps getting overnight carers for when he is away. I am wary of spending all my time off work providing relief for him, although I know he will need it, as then I will get no proper holiday. I know that sounds selfish to those whose every living moment is spent with their PWD and I apologise! My children will be leaving home in the next 2-3 years and I want to spend time with them too
Oh, and the handbag turned up on the kitchen shelves next to the crockery!

 

[Pete1]

Hi @Turkish Delight, I assume you have checked to ensure Mum doesn't have a UTI which can cause an increased level of confusion? However, if this is the stage that Mum is now at I'm afraid to ensure her safety you have to ensure she is watched with the same level of diligence as a very young child. Confusion can often be much worse later in the afternoon and evening (known as sun-downing), unfortunately it can take many forms which do change (looking for objects, trying to get 'home', looking for people) i.e. it's the handbag today, tomorrow it may well be something different. I think you have to work out and agree a care plan with your brother which can incorporate many of the suggestions that @canary and @Sirena have posted and, importantly, how you will care for your Mum when your brother isn't around. I think it may also become quite challenging for your brother to deal with if your Mum starts to become agitated in the home (or not recognizing her surroundings at night), that is something to be mindful of and it might be worth exploring with your brother if that has already started. All the best.

 

[Lanny1Norma]

Hi @Turkish Delight, I assume you have checked to ensure Mum doesn't have a UTI which can cause an increased level of confusion? However, if this is the stage that Mum is now at I'm afraid to ensure her safety you have to ensure she is watched with the same level of diligence as a very young child. Confusion can often be much worse later in the afternoon and evening (known as sun-downing), unfortunately it can take many forms which do change (looking for objects, trying to get 'home', looking for people) i.e. it's the handbag today, tomorrow it may well be something different. I think you have to work out and agree a care plan with your brother which can incorporate many of the suggestions that @canary and @Sirena have posted and, importantly, how you will care for your Mum when your brother isn't around. I think it may also become quite challenging for your brother to deal with if your Mum starts to become agitated in the home (or not recognizing her surroundings at night), that is something to be mindful of and it might be worth exploring with your brother if that has already started. All the best.

 

[Lanny1Norma]

Unfortunately with the best will in the world if they want to get out and wander they will, you could be in the shower, loo, or as I was working in the garden. You can't be thinking all the time. Unfortunately in my case my partner would just cross the main road, three minutes from the house without looking, no concept of danger at all.

 

[Sirena]

Hi @Turkish Delight if this is the stage that Mum is now at I'm afraid to ensure her safety you have to ensure she is watched with the same level of diligence as a very young child.

Yes, that is how I thought of it too. I wouldn't leave a 4 year old alone in the house, and I couldn't leave my mother alone at home either. She had no understanding of how to keep herself safe. And as you say, the 'trigger' for behaviour can change suddenly and is really hard to predict. There comes a point where constant supervision is needed.