I've come to the conclusion that even though we know it's inevitable - we don't really believe it's going to happen. We watch their dementia kill them inch by inch over the years. We know it's happening, we see them get infection after infection, we see each bit of deterioration, we see them getting weaker and weaker. We know they have a terminal illness. Yet, somehow, I think, we don't really believe in our hearts that it will really happen.
I've been watching William yesterday and today - I know he is dying. I hope it will be soon, for his sake. It's breaking my heart and I can't stop crying. And yet. And yet. In my heart - I think I don't believe it's going to happen. Surely, surely, it could not be that William would not be here? Not when he's been here now for so long?
I've been doing the laundry. Why? Why am I washing his clothes, that he will never wear again? When there is so much else to do. I have to get something decent to wear for the funeral. Have to think about readings.
I think first though, I have to sit down and try and relax with a dvd or something.
Goodnight all.
I've come to the conclusion that even though we know it's inevitable - we don't really believe it's going to happen. We watch their dementia kill them inch by inch over the years. We know it's happening, we see them get infection after infection, we see each bit of deterioration, we see them getting weaker and weaker. We know they have a terminal illness. Yet, somehow, I think, we don't really believe in our hearts that it will really happen.
I've been watching William yesterday and today - I know he is dying. I hope it will be soon, for his sake. It's breaking my heart and I can't stop crying. And yet. And yet. In my heart - I think I don't believe it's going to happen. Surely, surely, it could not be that William would not be here? Not when he's been here now for so long?
I've been doing the laundry. Why? Why am I washing his clothes, that he will never wear again? When there is so much else to do. I have to get something decent to wear for the funeral. Have to think about readings.
I think first though, I have to sit down and try and relax with a dvd or something.
Goodnight all.