Will parents be asked to leave sheltered accommodation?

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Penfold29, Aug 16, 2019.

  1. Penfold29

    Penfold29 New member

    Aug 16, 2019
    Advice needed.
    Parents moved into sheltered accommodation (bought flat) and there have been issues from day one.
    Dad has diagnosed dementia, can still perform daily tasks (needs persuaded to wash though and to be talked through showering process) and Mum is as yet undiagnosed but has real trouble with finding the right words for things but mostly functions well.
    Mum is essentially Dad’s carer but she sends him out to do things (bins/shops) that he can’t do and he cannot find his way back. (Everything put in the wrong bins- more complaints) When challenged she does not accept that he cannot do these things.
    She doesn’t wash his clothes and at times doesn’t seem to care for him at all.
    We have carers who go in to take Dad out and give Mum a break, but on a couple of occasions Mum and Dad have been out when the carers come.

    Dad throws bread out for the birds (not allowed, lots of complaints), Mum goes out without keys and pushes the outside doors (major sin!) and Dad is now allegedly wandering the corridors and knocking on other doors trying to find where he’s meant to be . ( no proof and I feel may be vindictive by some residents) Mum has also flooded the laundry room twice.

    We have carers, a cleaner, now do the washing with Mum, empty the bins, have put in nightlights (switched off at plug by them). We cannot get Mum to lock the door (is a turn knob from the inside and not a key. We are not allowed to change to key as the ‘door’ owned by the company and not Mum and Dad.

    The manager is super kind but we are worried for Dad’s welfare and we don’t want them to be shunned by the other residents.

    What to do? We are worried that they will be told to leave.

    Any comments/advice welcomed.
  2. nae sporran

    nae sporran Volunteer Host

    Oct 29, 2014
    Welcome to the forums @Penfold29. It is a hard situation for you and for your parents. Would they accept a move to extra care housing, which is like sheltered housing but there are carers around all day and all night in some places.
  3. Penfold29

    Penfold29 New member

    Aug 16, 2019
    Thank you for taking the time to answer.

    I doubt it as Mum seems to really like where she is, despite the constant issues. She steadfastly refuses to acknowledge my father’s limitations. There isn’t any extra care housing near by. We’d also need for the sale of their house to go through to fund any move and it’s on the market but not sold.
  4. Toony Oony

    Toony Oony Registered User

    Jun 21, 2016
    #4 Toony Oony, Aug 16, 2019
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 19, 2019
    Hello @Penfold29 and welcome from me too.
    I am assuming that your parents' flat is leasehold? If it was me I would start by reading the lease very carefully just to see what it states, specifically in the area of 'ability to live independently'.
    My Mum bought an assisted living apartment long before she was diagnosed. To buy the property she had to complete a solicitor witnessed form of competence to live independently.
    While she was living there, several residents displayed very obvious signs of dementia (latterly Mum included) - but it was only those that interfered with the 'quiet enjoyment' of other residents who were asked, or their relatives were asked to make arrangements for them to leave. Allowances were made for those whose behaviours were just a little 'different' as long as they did not disturb or upset others.

    I know only too well how difficult this situation can be. If no declarations or assurances were requested at the outset, as difficult as it may be for management and other residents, I would say your parents should be entitled to live there as they will. However, forewarned is forearmed so I would be prepared ... just in case.

    Hope you get things sorted
  5. Penfold29

    Penfold29 New member

    Aug 16, 2019
    #5 Penfold29, Aug 17, 2019
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 19, 2019
    Thank you, yes it is leasehold. I will get hold of the lease and have a look. I am not aware of declarations having been made at the time of purchase.
  6. jaymor

    jaymor Volunteer Moderator

    Jul 14, 2006
    We have friends who rent an apartment in an assisted living village. When they first applied they declared that the husband had a diagnosis of dementia. They refused them an apartment on that fact. Our friend did accept that decision but did write to the head office asking what would happen to anyone who had purchased one of the apartments and gone on to develope Dementia. Would they be asked to sell and leave.

    The upshot of that query was they were allowed to rent one of the apartments but signed to say that if problems arise from her husband’s dementia that interfered with the quality of life of other residents they would give notice to leave. Luckily his dementia has been extremely slow in its progress and they are still there some 10 years or more, living very happily in the closed community.
  7. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    Sheltered housing has changed considerably over the years. They are not suitable for entrants with dementia, people who developed dementia have made friends and connections. Most of the support is peer support.
    They used to have wardens to act as a good neighbour, now these are house managers.
    Schemes have complex leases, many ban leaseholders subletting, especially privately.
    There is usually an interview, I would take your agreement for checking. It is advisable to use a Solicitor.
    You need good advice as dementia can change so quickly you need to plan ahead. I feel for you but also for the neighbour's who will feel their security is threatened. People not locking doors are a constant danger.
    I am sure that the right place with the right care will help. Good luck it is difficult.
  8. Penfold29

    Penfold29 New member

    Aug 16, 2019
    Thanks everybody for taking the time to reply. It is very much appreciated.

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