I've been reading up on this forum the trials of others caring for relatives who are incontient and it has prompted me to ask a question which has troubled me ever since my 85 year old mother was diagnosed with vascular dementia in July. Is it a definite that at some point become incontinent and I will have to deal with all that? At the moment she seems Ok. I don't know what stage her dementia is at - she still lives in sheltered accommodation and has a carer visit each day and I take her out every other day. She can dress herself and put meals in the microwave. She still recognises me (although I haven't dared ask if she knows I am her daughter - not sure I want to know the answer) The reason I am asking is because I am such a shy and easily embarrassed person and I think I'd die of horror if I took her out to a cafe and she wet herself all over the floor. (Years ago my dad, now deceased, had a 'funny turn' in a cafe where we all were. I was so humiliated by it that I actually fainted myself - pathetic I know!!! Of course my mum, still totally in control then, sorted it all out while I was taken outside by a staff member to take some deep breaths and get my head in order.) So now - the former feeble one (me) could end up having to be the strong one; situation reversed.