Will I ever get over losing my husband

Discussion in 'After dementia — dealing with loss' started by Alison N, Sep 25, 2019.

  1. Alison N

    Alison N Registered User

    Jan 3, 2015
    209
    Surrey
    I haven’t been on here for a while. My darling husband died last December at the age of just 56 after a battle with young onset Alzheimer’s disease. It is nearly 10 months ago but it feels like yesterday. I have had counselling and am on anti depressants but nothing helps. I can’t move forward. It miss him so much but more than that, I feel so sad that he had such a large part of his life stolen from him. He was the most loving and generous person I have ever known. I try to fill my days with seeing friends but mostly just sit and watch television. It is escapism for a while. I can’t muster up another enthusiasm for joining any groups or volunteering. I am just a mess who misses the life I once had with a wonderful person. People tell me it will get better and I will be able to look back and smile about the life we had together but it isn’t getting any better.

    Sometimes I feel guilty because I couldn’t always deal with the incontinence, the sun downing and the challenges that caring for a person with Alzheimer’s brings with a cheery heart but I would give anything to be able to carry on caring for him. Life is so cruel.
     
  2. Marcelle123

    Marcelle123 Registered User

    Nov 9, 2015
    4,389
    Yorkshire
    So sorry to read this.
    No wonder you are sad. It is a dreadful thing to have happened, and it still isn't a year yet.

    You have sought help and counselling and try to see friends, & speak of activities, so you know what the best way forward is. Just be as kind as possible to yourself, and take one step at a time.
    People on this site are kind and will help and/or advise, I am sure.

    Thinking of you. Very best wishes that it will get easier. xx
     
  3. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,901
    Female
    Scotland
    Going over what happened and what might have been is so painful. The whole dementia experience takes you over the edge. Getting out in the fresh air is a first start to normality either through health walks via your GP or a rambling club. Make small starts to exercise then build up as you gather your strength. We definitely all understand d the problem.
     
  4. Pete1

    Pete1 Registered User

    Jul 16, 2019
    236
    Male
    Hi @Alison N, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my partner over ten years ago now, she passed away unexpectedly, the first year was absolutely wretched, abysmal and dark - I still think about her every day but it does ease over time. I also appreciate the guilt with dementia - Mum passed away 10 months ago and I still harbour those feelings of guilt and the 'I wish I had.......'. I also think it is more difficult as time goes on to talk to friends about it as for them it's in the distant past whilst for us it's always fresh and alive in our thoughts. Counselling does help but as you have found it isn't the panacea. I don't know if any of this helps! I wish you all the best.
     
  5. sadman67

    sadman67 New member

    Nov 7, 2019
    3
    first post new member please bear with me
    I lost my wife of 27 years in June 2018, I was there till the end and whilst each person's experience of grief is different, it will get better, every day when I wake I still think about her and miss her like crazy but i remember the good times the days we spent laughing at life together and try to forget the bad days.

    I feel guilty about the times that I got angry and struggled to cope caring for her at home with the help of carers who she would always make them smile but I know she loved me and would forgive me for those times and i'm sure your husband feels the same way and would not want you to feel guilty. it is hard and each day can be a challenge but remember each journey is a step forward, try to stay positive and talk about your husband to anyone and everyone it helps to keep their memories alive both with you and other. finally remember you were loved and they were a person not an illness
    hope this help a bit sorry if I woffled on a bit
     
  6. nae sporran

    nae sporran Volunteer Host

    Oct 29, 2014
    6,094
    Male
    Bristol
    Welcome to DTP @sadman67. Sorry for your loss and the grief you are going through. You are in the right place to find support from others going through the same trials and emotions.
     
  7. sadman67

    sadman67 New member

    Nov 7, 2019
    3
    nae

    thank you for your comment
     

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