Wife

[bern12]

Nothings right ,she cant sort things for herself but snaps at me for interfering now tonight she would like to go home!!! we have been here 30 years Do I put us both in a home? Should have said Im a new boy [75] so if I do things wrong tell me!!! Gently!!!

 

[Sandy]

Hi bern12,

Welcome to Talking Point (TP).

I'm sorry but I don't have any advice on how to settle your wife when she doesn't recognise your home of 30 years - just lot's of sympathy for your predicament.

Many members of TP will recognise your frustration and nod in sympathy.

I see from your profile that your wife is 81 and has had dementia for about 3 years now.

What kind of local support have you got there? Does your wife have an actual diagnosis and is she on any medication?

TP is a great place to share feelings and get ideas. Your local Alzheimer's Society in Peterborough might also be worth contacting as they can probably offer advice about local services and source of support:

http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/custom_scripts/branch.php?branch=true&branchCode=13256

Take care,

 

[bern12]

Rgr Sandy tks for sympathy. yes she takes Galantamine 24gms dont know what I want to do at mo,why am I doing this at00.33 I ask myself s'pose its the only time Ive got to myself Now whos "crying" into his milk Hey Ho another day

 

[Izzy]

Hi. Welcome. Sorry things are so bad. Izzy x

 

[Grannie G]

Good morning Bern

Don`t worry about doing things wrong here on TP [Talking Point]. We all know what you`re up against.

My husband used to want to go home. He would leave the house and I would follow him to keep him safe.
Does your wife want to go home all the time or just at certain times of the day, usually late afternoon or early evening. If it`s at these times, it`s called Sundowning and is very common in people with dementia .

My husband also objected strongly when I tried to help, accusing me of taking away his dignity and his independence.
I tried to help him so he didn`t realize it. It worked sometimes.

There are no `cures` for these behaviours Bern and we have to get through them as well as we can. But one way of feeling less isolated is posting here on TP and getting help from the support and friendship which will be offered.

 

[Norrms]

Hello and welcome

Hello Bern and a very big welcome to TP. there are no rights or wrongs with this horrid disease my friend, just want you to know that we are all here for you, best wihes, Norrms and family xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Lynne]

Hi Bern

I'm so sorry to hear of your wife's illness & the problems it is causing.

This wanting to go home is a very frequently-reported state of mind here on Talking Point (TP), & must be so frustrating and infuriating.
There's another recent thread here (http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/showthread.php?t=24623) which is only one of literally hundreds I've read over the years.

Sometimes going out for a short ride round in the car & then "Here we are, home sweet home" can work, but even if it does it would not be too convenient at 00.33 or whatever.
For some it's a passing phase, others maintain it for years, & some people exhibit this particular confusion only during 'Sundowning'.

I hope Talking Point can help you cope (on the principle of 'know your enemy', by reading the experiences of others) & give you a place to express your concerns & exasperation!
May I ask, do you have any family nearby to support you?

Best wishes

 

[bern12]

Tks all. It does seem that its all over the map eh? Yup the car ride seems to work even if its Saisburys or B&Q!!!! but as you say no use after 22/2300 hrs. Yes have Daughter about 24miles away who is an angel and helps by looking after "Mum" on occasions. Ah well nearly time to get tea. "Keep plodding you old fool" B.

 

[CaPattinson]

Hi bern, might not be appropriate for me to say but some of your comments made me smile. You are quite wry arent you and you have a sense of humour which helps! "Keep plodding you old fool" you say! With some advice and a little help I think you'll make it! The following quote comes to mind: “Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.” Bill Cosby. Take care xxx Chris

 

[allylee]

Bern you sound a right trooper to me Positive mental attitude and a sense of humour go a long way especially when caring for someone with dementia.

Bless you and keep trooping xx

 

[bern12]

All Change.

Funny old world aint it,Wifie's all sunny and bright the last couple days forgetfull as ever but who's logging!!Have a saying that my Grandad used to say [and I'm 75 so twas a while ago] He was a ploughman in Somerset and if the horse stumbled he would say " Ey Up Whitefoot of farmer 'll zell ee", so when I stumble I hope no one zells I. Tks to all of you out there I'll try not to burden you with all my probs tho if theres someone out there with say 10 or 12 million £s he can spare me I be yur bioy!! TTFN Bern.

 

[BeverleyY]

Hi Bern

If I had a spare £10 or £12 million I'd gladly share. Sadly, haven't even got one.. let alone ten!

This disease tries the best of us and I salute you for sounding so upbeat in your posts.

Best wishes.

Beverley x