WIFE has become a widow

[Saffie]

It doesn't matter what other people think of your choices. It's what you and your family want that matters and what your husband would have wanted.
I know about the overthinking about the little details - and so does everyone on TP who had to put up with my agonizing over the final music for Dave! I kept changing my mind and even now am regretting not have the song I thought of at the start!

I'm sure everything will be fine. Just have faith in yourself. x

 

[Trisha4]

Well SIL's visit passed off very peaceably and we had a very entertaining hour with the Funeral man with lots of anecdotes and laughter which made the task of choosing the coffin, type of Service etc easier. Everything is more or less settled - except the weather forecast - but instead of feeling more relaxed I am now beginning to stress about the smallest detail - have I chosen correctly - what will other people think of my choices - oh shut up woman and take the dog for a walk!

I agree with Saffie, it's not about what others think. Anyway, it's likely people will appreciate the amount of thought you have put into the occasion. That's what really matters.


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[truth24]

The others are right WIFE. It's about what you want and what your husband would have wanted. You are the only one who knows that so please don't doubt yourself. Verityxx

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[WIFE]

Choosing the music was not a problem - I have C.D.'s of my husband playing the piano so have him playing mid-range standards "going in" and "Unforgettable" "coming out" and a favourite of his "Adagio" from the "Queen Symphony" during the Commital. Personally being a great Wagner fan I would have liked the Prelude to Tristan und Isolde but know I would have just dissolved in floods of tears in front of the assembled.

A well-meaning friend has sent me a humungous bunch of pink lilies - I suffer from asthma and now have a very tight and wheezy chest. Lilies resigned to the garden shed until I decide what to do with them.

 

[Saffie]

O dear - lilies! I can't stand the smell of them and it's amazing the number of times I've been given them and have had to give them away to someone else. It's such a shame.
Do they smell differently to different people?

 

[WIFE]

O dear - lilies! I can't stand the smell of them and it's amazing the number of times I've been given them and have had to give them away to someone else. It's such a shame.
Do they smell differently to different people?

Can't really comment on how they smell to other people but they give me chronic asthma, Saffie. Certainly not one of my most favourite flowers and even in pink synonymous with death I always think. But a kindly gesture and well meant. I also have a beautiful basket of white, yellow and blue freesias from a friend in Canada but sadly these days they don't seem to smell like they used to. The flowers have little gold butterflies on metal stalks fluttering over the top which is so pretty.

 

[Saffie]

Now freesias are my favourite. When we lived in Aden and had our leave in Kenya, everyone used to bring huge baskets of freesias back from the market in Nairobi and distributed bunches to friends and neighbours.
We loved them as we didn't often see flowers in the desert.
They've been special to me ever since.

 

[Loopiloo]

Dear WIFE, I read some of your thread the sad day you started it and have now managed to catch up. Such a blessing that your husband was pain free and peaceful at the end. But so so hard to lose your beloved husband. My deepest sympathy to you.

It is heart breaking the number of recent losses of much loved partners in life, and like the others you are another brave lady. You sound to have achieved so much in the short space of a few days, and it cannot be easy.

May you find continued strength in the days ahead.

Loo xx

 

[truth24]

Agree with you WIFE about lilies. They are to be admired from afar. The perfume is overpowering and although I don't suffer from asthma, my eyes always start watering and breathing becomes difficult in their presence. Same with hyacinths and other highly scented flowers/shrubs. I'm afraid they always end up given away or put outside. Such a shame when people obviously think they are giving you something special. The worst case is our Church at Easter with lilies in displays and attached to every pillar. Can't avoid them then.

Like your choice of music and see what you mean about the Prelude. There are certain pieces of music that really touch you deep down.

Sending loving thoughts. Verityxx

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[tomgee3425]

My lovely man passed away so very peacefully at 6.30 a.m. this morning after four days of struggle against pain and agitation and two with a syringe driver of medication which allowed his last hours to be tranquil and pain-free. I will miss him so very much.

My sincere condolences. He is now at peace god bless

 

[WIFE]

I would like the whole thing to be over so that I can settle down to grieve in peace but today had to arrange my flowers for the coffin - my SIL is going to do a RAY in red, white and blue. Please do not expect me to comment - words fail me but it is her choice. Will look very OTT with my humble spray of assorted blues to represent the sea (my husband enjoyed sailing) with white Gypsophilia hovering over the top to represent clouds (he also was a Private Pilot). Then to the Hotel to finalise the tea menu and organise booze for those who will expect a real drink after the exertions and emotions of the Funeral. Home to a swathe of telephone calls - mostly little problems and now going to cook for my cousin for tomorrow and then a friend who insists I need company on Saturday evening. Why am I not strong enough to say I don't - must be the way I was brought up - try never to offend. Oh it is all so very tiring!

Had recorded but managed to sleep through most of "Quartet" last night - was quite relieved - didn't realise it was about elderly musicians in a semi-dementia home. Too close to home for comfort!

 

[disi]

Please accept my sincere sympathy on your loss. He is at peace now. I have been away and only just seen your posting.

Take care and be thinking of you.

disi

 

[LadyA]

Oh, gosh Wife. All you, Lyn and Scarlett have gone through trying to arrange funerals has made me so glad that I arranged William's a few years ago, when I got my hands on some spare money! Coffin, graveyard, funeral directors, car - even flowers and headstone - all sorted and paid for.

 

[Saffie]

Your flowers sound beautiful and very tasteful. I'm not a fan of huge displays myself and had a teardrop from me and 2 posies, one from the daughters and husbands/partners, the other from the grandchildren, and all were red and white with greenery for Dave (Welsh flag).They were made so that the three completely covered the coffin.

Your music choices sound so appropriate too.
I understand about not wanting people to stay. I felt the same and you need your time alone. I stayed alone, refusing offers from my daughters, it sort of gave me time to think which is in short supply before a funeral.
Sadly, I found there was plenty of it afterwards though.

I though the musician's home in Quartet would be a lovely place to live but then thought the constant singing might eventually get me down!

 

[Trisha4]

I thought your flowers sound beautiful too and with meaning which would be important for me. It all sounds hard work when you must want to disappear inside your shell.


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[Onlyme]

I'm not a fan of the flower names. Those that are at the service know the name, those that aren't don't matter. The only person who benefits is the florist who can charge £25 a letter.

Yours sound tasteful, and the meaning comes from your heart.

 

[LYN T]

Oh, gosh Wife. All you, Lyn and Scarlett have gone through trying to arrange funerals has made me so glad that I arranged William's a few years ago, when I got my hands on some spare money! Coffin, graveyard, funeral directors, car - even flowers and headstone - all sorted and paid for.

Definitely the best way to go LadyA. Wife I love the flowers you have chosen-tasteful and stylish SIL's choice

Love,

Lyn T

 

[truth24]

Love YOUR choice of flowers, WIFE, and what they represent. How practical of you LadyA. It makes a lot of sense when I read what our friends are going/have gone through. xx

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[WIFE]

Lady Lay Preacher came yesterday evening to discuss Service - seems like a lot of prayers and my husband was not a very religious man but as my sister does not want hymns we have had to pad it out a little bit. I am just so weary and slightly bored with all the outside pressures that I just agreed to everything and am sure it will be "alright on the night". (Afternoon). I have decided to read a short poem "Farewell" by Anne Bronte and will probably do something slushy like lay a red rose on my Darling's coffin when I have finished. Got to take charge of it somewhere along the line and at the heart of it all I'm a bit of an actress when pushed!

Cousin ill - coming Sunday so no pressure where the Order of Service's are concerned! She is absolutely confident she can get it them sorted, printed and couriered to me in time. Watch this space. I have a suspicion I will probably be knocking something up myself on Thursday morning so going to order some ink cartridges now just in case. So today I will go out to look for an outfit - can I just wear jeans and a sweatshirt - so much easier!

 

[Saffie]

We had a lady lay preacher too. She was lovely and she had christened 2 of my grandchildren years ago so we had a slight point of contact.
We had hymns as there was no way I could bid Dave goodbye without them but I wanted the Church service because it is straightforward but even that seems to allow for extras these days. No escape!
It must be so difficult with others wanting things their way. There was I doing everything myself and wishing for others to get more involved. I think now that that was probably, no definitely, easier.
I do sympathise.

Yes, a beautiful poem. x