Sorry...very very long post.
Every post I've read so far shows that people have been selfless with the care they give. I feel so guilty that I can't seem to manage and am unsure if shifting a lot of the blame on to my mum to justify it to myself is reasonable.
After going for a memory test at the insistence of her gp over 3 years ago she refused to return for a follow up appointment. She finally went again after months of persuading,begging, shouting and crying by me and was diagnosed with alzheimers.
I live about 2 hours drive from her and suffer from bipolar and have had numerous isssues with my back and sciatica for about 3 years. My mum lives alone with her dog and has no friends. Although not in denial she threw away all the literature about the disease, refuses to go to any social groups, won't accept any visits for assistance, won't change her diet.
She asks me for help and advice over the phone which I can sometimes deal with or not and then she argues with me about any suggestions I make or wants me to drive over straight away.
Her house has been on the market on and off for about 9 months so that she could move to warden accommodation near me. Lots of viewings but no offers. She kept changing her mind and I was the one who had to arrange appointments, remind her etc. I had viewed 7 properties near me by then and sent her pictures with pros and cons and details of the towns they were in. Currently she definitely doesn't want to move.
Her dog isn't old but is losing his sight. He howls and barks constantly. The neighbours have been very angry with her. He's got very fat because I think she forgets she's fed him. She doesn't give him his eyedrops. I have offered to sort something out for both of these things but she said no. I have put her pills on a docket box after weeks of persuading her to do this
She then said a few days later she said she didn't need it
I last saw her a few weeks ago and had brought lots of things she asked me to do that took a lot of time, like detailed print outs and instructions on how to view her bank account online. She sighed said she didn't need it and acted like I was trying to make her feel bad. I lost my temper and drove home after an hour.
Since then my partner phoned her and said I was worried and had been crying. She said that I am a very troubled person, always struggling and my behaviour was awful when I saw her.
I've had little to do with her since then. She wears me out, and doesn't seem to help herself or help me help her. I understand she must be distressed and people can have a change in personality from this disease. But I genuinely don't think she's that bad yet.
I haven't abandoned her. Im seeing her monday for a 3 month check up at the memory clinic then driving her 50 miles to the consultant for her dog. But otherwise I can't be doing with it anymore.
I feel I have let her down but just can't do it anymore.
Every post I've read so far shows that people have been selfless with the care they give. I feel so guilty that I can't seem to manage and am unsure if shifting a lot of the blame on to my mum to justify it to myself is reasonable.
After going for a memory test at the insistence of her gp over 3 years ago she refused to return for a follow up appointment. She finally went again after months of persuading,begging, shouting and crying by me and was diagnosed with alzheimers.
I live about 2 hours drive from her and suffer from bipolar and have had numerous isssues with my back and sciatica for about 3 years. My mum lives alone with her dog and has no friends. Although not in denial she threw away all the literature about the disease, refuses to go to any social groups, won't accept any visits for assistance, won't change her diet.
She asks me for help and advice over the phone which I can sometimes deal with or not and then she argues with me about any suggestions I make or wants me to drive over straight away.
Her house has been on the market on and off for about 9 months so that she could move to warden accommodation near me. Lots of viewings but no offers. She kept changing her mind and I was the one who had to arrange appointments, remind her etc. I had viewed 7 properties near me by then and sent her pictures with pros and cons and details of the towns they were in. Currently she definitely doesn't want to move.
Her dog isn't old but is losing his sight. He howls and barks constantly. The neighbours have been very angry with her. He's got very fat because I think she forgets she's fed him. She doesn't give him his eyedrops. I have offered to sort something out for both of these things but she said no. I have put her pills on a docket box after weeks of persuading her to do this
She then said a few days later she said she didn't need it
I last saw her a few weeks ago and had brought lots of things she asked me to do that took a lot of time, like detailed print outs and instructions on how to view her bank account online. She sighed said she didn't need it and acted like I was trying to make her feel bad. I lost my temper and drove home after an hour.
Since then my partner phoned her and said I was worried and had been crying. She said that I am a very troubled person, always struggling and my behaviour was awful when I saw her.
I've had little to do with her since then. She wears me out, and doesn't seem to help herself or help me help her. I understand she must be distressed and people can have a change in personality from this disease. But I genuinely don't think she's that bad yet.
I haven't abandoned her. Im seeing her monday for a 3 month check up at the memory clinic then driving her 50 miles to the consultant for her dog. But otherwise I can't be doing with it anymore.
I feel I have let her down but just can't do it anymore.