On the lack of empathy...
Often feel as if Dad has become somewhat autistic....wouldn't be surprised if the disease has affected the same part of his brain that is different in those that suffer autism...
Its hard to take I know but it can be helpful to always try and remind yourself that they probably can't help it anymore...that the damage to their brain is causing their behaviours or lack of responsiveness....
I know easier said than done, my family got caught up in a bad cycle of being upset at Dad, hurt by Dad, angry at Dad because of the ways he was behaving. I tried to look at his behaviours and ask myself, would this be how Dad would behave before the disease...if not then I would figure he couldnt help it...and no amount of crying, frustration or anger from me was going to change it...
And also as with the nature of dementia where at times they do come back to be their normal selves at times, I used to think how horrified he would be when he realised how he had been behaving and that he seemed not to have control over it..Maybe thats also what the tears are about, not just because she feels bad for that particular incident but her frustration of no longer being able to be the owner of her responses..
I'm not trying to lecture and act as if I am some fantastic super human who can get past the hurt that arises from being in such situations, instead I think the only reason I am able to have a different perspective is because I have been humbled my whole adult life by a certain amount of my own madness...
I guess being a person who suffers hugely from hormonal swings where I have period where I behave completely out of character as a result and then feel ashamed of my behaviour later...I have monthly episodes of this where even though I know what is causing my behaviour there seems to be little I can do to control my emotional responses at these times and it is just fortunate for me that my husband understands that I dont mean any of it and that the bad period will pass...This is what helps me to have empathy for others who can't control their behaviours too and I guess I have learnt from my husband's management of my own behviours. For the shame I feel later, the complete disgust in myself for not being able to control my responses have made me fully aware that chemicals and the brain can be far stronger than the residual personality that lies beneath...but that the residual personality does still lie beneath...To have someone like my husband who can let the mean behaviour I display go and not take it to heart really is a great relief and I think in ways it also lessens my bad behaviour as I even when I am behaving badly, I know I am doing it. To know you are doing it and that the person you are hurting will still love you despite it seems to reduce the level of how badly I behave. I guess when you feel out of control like this and completely taken over by animalistic responses rather than your human side being in control you tend to behave more like an animal. When animals hurt they bite.
Does any of that make sense? Or did I just clarify that I am a complete looney tunes??
