It is coming up to 5 months since my lovely mum died. I am a little more composed now but not totally and, as I would think would be expected, there are times when I just breakdown. I've been through bereavement counselling and have learnt that I should allow myself these moments as part of the healing process but it seems that the World believe I should be over it by now.
Even my family give me pitying chats as if to say, poor sole, she can't help being so pathetic but lets try and encourage her to move on.
Yesterday I had to resign from a caregiving job I had started in June because I was finding it too upsetting. In fact, what I found most upsetting was that the people I was visiting, who were elderly and had some mobility problems but could still have rational thoughts were so down on their lives knowing that mum and I would have done anything for her not to have had dementia. Anyway, i was silly thinking I could do it but I wanted to try and I felt really guilty having to pack it in so quickly but the really weird thing was they couldn't understand why it was affecting me and this is what I mean.
I have had conversations in the last month which are so insensitive I can't believe the people saying it do not realise. Mainly I get, 'are you STILL grieving?' And the equally upsetting recollection of how they felt when their Mum, dad, grandma, grandad died in old age. Now any kind of grief is awful and I suspect their stories are given a brighter edge in hindsight but it doesnt get away from the fact that when you have cared for anyone 24/7 for a long period grief increases. Add to that the dementia element when you slowly lose the loved one bit by bit and don't really know if they even knew it was you sitting next to them in their final days, another Increase. I don't expect to get over this at all, I do think I will find a way to live with it but surely still feeling sensitive and sad after a short time is reasonable for any type of bereavement isn't it so why do I feel like I am being judged as some kind of simpleton who can't accept that loved ones do e in old age. If mum had got to her 92 years clear minded and able bodied I would still grieve but I think my grief is more connected to the fact she had to live through 5 years of suffering from this dreadful illness and the loss of the closeness formed between us in those years as I slowly took over her life to finally being her legal representative by POA. I feel like a part of me has been lost, does anyone ever get over losing a part of them?
Even my family give me pitying chats as if to say, poor sole, she can't help being so pathetic but lets try and encourage her to move on.
Yesterday I had to resign from a caregiving job I had started in June because I was finding it too upsetting. In fact, what I found most upsetting was that the people I was visiting, who were elderly and had some mobility problems but could still have rational thoughts were so down on their lives knowing that mum and I would have done anything for her not to have had dementia. Anyway, i was silly thinking I could do it but I wanted to try and I felt really guilty having to pack it in so quickly but the really weird thing was they couldn't understand why it was affecting me and this is what I mean.
I have had conversations in the last month which are so insensitive I can't believe the people saying it do not realise. Mainly I get, 'are you STILL grieving?' And the equally upsetting recollection of how they felt when their Mum, dad, grandma, grandad died in old age. Now any kind of grief is awful and I suspect their stories are given a brighter edge in hindsight but it doesnt get away from the fact that when you have cared for anyone 24/7 for a long period grief increases. Add to that the dementia element when you slowly lose the loved one bit by bit and don't really know if they even knew it was you sitting next to them in their final days, another Increase. I don't expect to get over this at all, I do think I will find a way to live with it but surely still feeling sensitive and sad after a short time is reasonable for any type of bereavement isn't it so why do I feel like I am being judged as some kind of simpleton who can't accept that loved ones do e in old age. If mum had got to her 92 years clear minded and able bodied I would still grieve but I think my grief is more connected to the fact she had to live through 5 years of suffering from this dreadful illness and the loss of the closeness formed between us in those years as I slowly took over her life to finally being her legal representative by POA. I feel like a part of me has been lost, does anyone ever get over losing a part of them?