Why doesn't FIL recognise MIL?

Timebar

Registered User
Jun 13, 2019
22
0
I'm so sorry to read this. How heartbreaking for you all. But really, it is time to consider residential care. There could come a point soon where your MIL is at risk from him. Sad to say that this current situation is doing no-one any good. It sounds like he needs a specialist dementia unit too.......I hope everything works out for you all. You have all done all you can. But he needs 24 hour professional care now.....best of luck
 

MrsJCN

Registered User
Nov 23, 2020
26
0
Started the process for Respite or 2-4 week nursing home, which I have a feeling may be longer unless a miracle happens with his medication. It’s so easy to think that’s what he needs, but actually taking the steps to do it is heartbreaking. ?
 

Chaplin

Registered User
May 24, 2015
354
0
Bristol
Started the process for Respite or 2-4 week nursing home, which I have a feeling may be longer unless a miracle happens with his medication. It’s so easy to think that’s what he needs, but actually taking the steps to do it is heartbreaking. ?
Hello, just caught up on your thread, sadly what you convey is all too familiar to many of us here. I’m glad that Respite is now being considered because like others here I do think your MIL needs the break along with you too!
My mum didn’t recognise her husband of 60+ years or their home of 20+. She was taken to hospital with delirium and while there Doctors said mum needed 24/7 care in a residential home. She was still very mobile then and dad couldn’t keep pace with her. We felt we had failed her but honestly if you can choose the right home, you can go back to being his family and enjoy time with him. Let the Carer’s take the pressure off you all. Even when mum was asleep at home you were on high alert in case she woke and wandered out of the house. Be kind to yourselves and help your FIL settle somewhere his needs can be met and be as happy as he can.
Sadly the dementia journey can be long and arduous for the PWD but family too. My mum is probably 10 years in now and quite frail after a stroke earlier this year, but I do know my dad wouldn’t have coped much longer had she stayed at home.
Hope the respite works out and your MIL realises just how much pressure she has been under when her husband is not at home. Take care,
 

MrsJCN

Registered User
Nov 23, 2020
26
0
We just don't know what to do about the respite now, our Admiral Nurse said if FIL goes in for more than 2 weeks and settles it would be unfair to bring him home, we are really concerned how this would affect my MIL, we are suggesting her husband of 55 years goes into a nursing home and she is left at home on her own, we just don't know how she would cope with that.

We've had a couple of incidents over the last 5 days, he still doesn't recognise MIL throughout the day, but hasn't been getting too worked up about it. He is sundowning on an evening and wanting to go home which he gets frustrated about, but between us all we seem to be distracting him by calling to see him or taking him out, as with everything with AD though, this could just be temporary and it could get worse again. He is sleeping really well at night, so MIL is getting a decent nights sleep.

But knowing that we have the paperwork in place for Respite if required, is a smaller step to the full on moving him to a nursing home. We've now got in him daycare twice a week and we will try for another day in a couple of weeks. I know we are putting off the inevitable, but my husband just wants us to try and keep him at home with his mum for as long as possible.

The decisions are just so difficult. Is anyone else having or had this situation where one parent is left at home alone when their husband/wife has to go into a nursing home.

x
 

Forum statistics

Threads
138,144
Messages
1,993,342
Members
89,800
Latest member
suehart