Why do sufferers always think we are stealing from them

[Grannie G]

Forgive me for going off topic, but the pecking order of bottoms reminded me of an incident when I worked with Autistic children.

One young girl, who had great problems understanding language, seemed to have an innate gift for understanding personality.

Using the `Little Miss` series of books by Roger Hargreaves, she was asked to give members of staff `Little Miss` names.

The one who was always dieting was `Little Miss Plump`
Another was `Little Miss Bossy`
Her favourite teacher was `Little Miss Splendid`. and so on.

She was so accurate, likening the Little Misses to staff, and reading of Natasha`s mum made me wonder if the loss of a skill, enhances a different skill.

 

[jenniferpa]

Sue, how do you think your father would manage with a chip and signature card?

 

[noelphobic]

Dad, my sister and I were walking back to the car from a funeral and my dad wanted some cash so we stopped at the cash machine and I helped him with his PIN. As we walked away he said to my sister 'that's all my money in that account'. My sister pointed out it was a joint account with my Mum. 'Ah yes' he replied 'but she's already spent her half'

Sue

 

[noelphobic]

Oh please! Stop it! I'll fall off my chair laughing in a minute. Starter bottoms if you please! That's just brilliant.
Amanda

You obviously haven't got a 'matron bottom' or you wouldn't be able to fit in the chair anyway

 

[jenniferpa]

On the other hand, having a "matron bottom" means you've got a lower centre of gravity, so you roll right back up (I'm speaking from experience here).

 

[sue38]

Sue, how do you think your father would manage with a chip and signature card?

Hi Jennifer. Thanks for that, we hadn't considered he would be eligible and thought that retailers could refuse to accept a signature. Have looked at website and see that we wouldn't have to provide medical evidence so may be straightforward. Will look into it tomorow.

Sue

 

[Nebiroth]

Don't be disappointed, though, if your Dad still has problems and still blames Mum.

My Dad will cling to his reality in which nothing is ever his fault and nothing is wrong with him, it is always the fault of other people that odd things happen, he clings like a limpet to this and nothing we ever do will convince him otherwise.

We have long given up arguing because he won't listen to reason and will deny facts staring him in the face, in order to preserve his reality.

I'm afraid that we have adopted the position, that we just don't listen anymore. If he gets agressive we just leave the room. He knows this and eventually gives up.

Any attempt to enter the discussion, leads to tantrums and rows.

"I am right and everyone else is wrong" sums this up perfectly.

This is not to say that it is not worth attempting getting your Dad his own account with it's card, but as I say, don't be disappointed if he manages to get things confused and still manages to find a way to blame it on your Mum.

 

[jenniferpa]

Sue, in theory, all that has to be done is prove to the bank that he can't remember the pin. That's the theory, although in practice, depending on the issuer, it may not be so straightforward: I tried to do this with my mother's bank, but as per usual, they screwed it up. Also, retailers can't refuse to accept a chip and signature card, but that doesn't mean they might not try: I have been refused with my non-chip and signature card. If you go this route, I would strongly suggest that a pre-emptive trip round all the stores he normally goes into would be in order, to avoid possible problems.

 

[Canadian Joanne]

Starter Bottoms

Oh I laughed!! Absolutely hysterical. I love the logic of it all.

 

[Margarita]

I know that Marks Spencer’s still take cheques, which I was told that other supermarkets / stores where stopping, I thought this was very unfair to the elderly people who are use to paying by cheque.

When an elderly man put his pin number in wrong for 3 time he was most upset with me, we could not get him to understand that if you put the pin in wrong 3 time it block the card .

And we all know the inconvenient that can cause getting a new pin , lets alone to an elderly person
That may have dementia


SUE get your father a
Credit card that does not need pin, only thing the interest if not pay on time ,Or just do a direct debit to the credit card from his currant account

 

[sue38]

Thanks Margarita,

There is no problem in paying bills as my Mum can take care of that. I was thinking that a chip and signature debit card may be best for him if that is possible. Can this be on a joint account does anyone know?

Sue

 

[jenniferpa]

If they offer a chip and pin card on an account they must offer a chip and signature with the same facilities on an account.

 

[noelphobic]

I know that Marks Spencer’s still take cheques, which I was told that other supermarkets / stores where stopping, I thought this was very unfair to the elderly people who are use to paying by cheque.

When an elderly man put his pin number in wrong for 3 time he was most upset with me, we could not get him to understand that if you put the pin in wrong 3 time it block the card .

And we all know the inconvenient that can cause getting a new pin , lets alone to an elderly person
That may have dementia


SUE get your father a
Credit card that does not need pin, only thing the interest if not pay on time ,Or just do a direct debit to the credit card from his currant account

Shops don't like taking cheques because there are lots of frauds on them. It is also more expensive to process a cheque than a card transaction. I only write a cheque about twice a year or so now.

Credit cards are the same as debit cards in that they do normally need PINS, unless of course you get a chip and signature card.

 

[BeckyJan]

Not sure whether this answers your question. We have a joint accounh and I have a debit card with a pin no. and David has a card with signature only (he does not use as it is hidden in the back of a drawer!!!!!!!).
Beckyjan

 

[sue38]

Brenda, I only write cheques to pay my credit card bills!

Beckyjan, that does answer my question. I will suggest it to my Mum, but suspect she may also hide it at the back of the drawer

Sue

 

[noelphobic]

Brenda, I only write cheques to pay my credit card bills!
Sue

I don't even write cheques for that - I pay them online

 

[Lila13]

fear of theft

It's a power thing, isn't it?

money and possessions = power, control over one's own life

"I am losing the power and control which I had over my own life, so someone must be taking them"

Then every day, if you can read a newspaper or watch TV or listen to the radio there's enough information to confirm that fear, thieves about, credit card fraud, family members cheating each other ...

 

[Margarita]

Credit cards are the same as debit cards in that they do normally need PINS, unless of course you get a chip and signature card.

Really, just when while I was working last November l, I found that all credit cards did not need pins, while debit cards did.

As I thought that…………… I thought it would have been a good idea for sue father to use, then having to get chip pin, informing bank that he does not want pin if he got a debit card .

There is no problem in paying bills as my Mum can take care of that.

Sue Sorry I was not thinking about chq as for paying bills for your father, but chq for the elderly person making life easer for them that I am finding only M&S does that now , because they still take all tenders, not worrying about the loss, like other compamy do
No wonder they are better then the rest when putting customers needs first, they do know how to keep they customers , even as they get older




Sue so am I right in thinking that your father has never had a chip pin card before ?

 

[Margarita]

Lila

money and possessions = power, control over one's own life,

Unless you’re a power controlling person ( personality) before AZ , as you can’t generalize all People with dementia the same.

was your mother controling before AZ that why you are saying that ?


I know we all like control over our life , but some people except that they is something wrong with them , when they get AZ , then even when they expect it , then they can be situation that they can not comprehend what is happening to them as the disease progresses so get angry with themselves Paranoia can set in , then take it out on others around them , when they lose things

 

[Lila13]

Of course I am not saying people with dementia are all the same, you know I have said again and again (when others were generalizing) that we are all different.

I don't suppose that people with dementia all accuse others of stealing from them.

Lila





Unless you’re a power controlling person ( personality) before AZ , as you can’t generalize all People with dementia the same.

was your mother controling before AZ that why you are saying that ?


I know we all like control over our life , but some people except that they is something wrong with them , when they get AZ , then even when they expect it , then they can be situation that they can not comprehend what is happening to them as the disease progresses so get angry with themselves Paranoia can set in , then take it out on others around them , when they lose things