Why do sufferers always think we are stealing from them

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Harley, Apr 21, 2007.

  1. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,698
    Kent
    Forgive me for going off topic, but the pecking order of bottoms reminded me of an incident when I worked with Autistic children.

    One young girl, who had great problems understanding language, seemed to have an innate gift for understanding personality.

    Using the `Little Miss` series of books by Roger Hargreaves, she was asked to give members of staff `Little Miss` names.

    The one who was always dieting was `Little Miss Plump`
    Another was `Little Miss Bossy`
    Her favourite teacher was `Little Miss Splendid`. and so on.

    She was so accurate, likening the Little Misses to staff, and reading of Natasha`s mum made me wonder if the loss of a skill, enhances a different skill.
     
  2. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,437
    Sue, how do you think your father would manage with a chip and signature card?
     
  3. noelphobic

    noelphobic Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    3,452
    Liverpool
    :D :D :D :D :D
     
  4. noelphobic

    noelphobic Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    3,452
    Liverpool
    You obviously haven't got a 'matron bottom' or you wouldn't be able to fit in the chair anyway :D
     
  5. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,437
    On the other hand, having a "matron bottom" means you've got a lower centre of gravity, so you roll right back up :D (I'm speaking from experience here).
     
  6. sue38

    sue38 Registered User

    Mar 6, 2007
    10,854
    Wigan, Lancs
    Hi Jennifer. Thanks for that, we hadn't considered he would be eligible and thought that retailers could refuse to accept a signature. Have looked at website and see that we wouldn't have to provide medical evidence so may be straightforward. Will look into it tomorow.

    Sue
     
  7. Nebiroth

    Nebiroth Registered User

    Aug 20, 2006
    3,511
    Don't be disappointed, though, if your Dad still has problems and still blames Mum.

    My Dad will cling to his reality in which nothing is ever his fault and nothing is wrong with him, it is always the fault of other people that odd things happen, he clings like a limpet to this and nothing we ever do will convince him otherwise.

    We have long given up arguing because he won't listen to reason and will deny facts staring him in the face, in order to preserve his reality.

    I'm afraid that we have adopted the position, that we just don't listen anymore. If he gets agressive we just leave the room. He knows this and eventually gives up.

    Any attempt to enter the discussion, leads to tantrums and rows.

    "I am right and everyone else is wrong" sums this up perfectly.

    This is not to say that it is not worth attempting getting your Dad his own account with it's card, but as I say, don't be disappointed if he manages to get things confused and still manages to find a way to blame it on your Mum.
     
  8. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,437
    Sue, in theory, all that has to be done is prove to the bank that he can't remember the pin. That's the theory, although in practice, depending on the issuer, it may not be so straightforward: I tried to do this with my mother's bank, but as per usual, they screwed it up. Also, retailers can't refuse to accept a chip and signature card, but that doesn't mean they might not try: I have been refused with my non-chip and signature card. If you go this route, I would strongly suggest that a pre-emptive trip round all the stores he normally goes into would be in order, to avoid possible problems.
     
  9. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,123
    Toronto, Canada
    Starter Bottoms

    Oh I laughed!!:D :D :D Absolutely hysterical. I love the logic of it all.
     
  10. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #50 Margarita, Apr 22, 2007
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2007
    I know that Marks Spencer’s still take cheques, which I was told that other supermarkets / stores where stopping, I thought this was very unfair to the elderly people who are use to paying by cheque.

    When an elderly man put his pin number in wrong for 3 time he was most upset with me, we could not get him to understand that if you put the pin in wrong 3 time it block the card .

    And we all know the inconvenient that can cause getting a new pin , lets alone to an elderly person
    That may have dementia


    SUE get your father a
    Credit card that does not need pin, only thing the interest if not pay on time ,Or just do a direct debit to the credit card from his currant account
     
  11. sue38

    sue38 Registered User

    Mar 6, 2007
    10,854
    Wigan, Lancs
    Thanks Margarita,

    There is no problem in paying bills as my Mum can take care of that. I was thinking that a chip and signature debit card may be best for him if that is possible. Can this be on a joint account does anyone know?

    Sue
     
  12. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,437
    If they offer a chip and pin card on an account they must offer a chip and signature with the same facilities on an account.
     
  13. noelphobic

    noelphobic Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    3,452
    Liverpool
    Shops don't like taking cheques because there are lots of frauds on them. It is also more expensive to process a cheque than a card transaction. I only write a cheque about twice a year or so now.

    Credit cards are the same as debit cards in that they do normally need PINS, unless of course you get a chip and signature card.
     
  14. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    18,972
    Derbyshire
    Not sure whether this answers your question. We have a joint accounh and I have a debit card with a pin no. and David has a card with signature only (he does not use as it is hidden in the back of a drawer!!!!!!!).
    Beckyjan
     
  15. sue38

    sue38 Registered User

    Mar 6, 2007
    10,854
    Wigan, Lancs
    Brenda, I only write cheques to pay my credit card bills!

    Beckyjan, that does answer my question. I will suggest it to my Mum, but suspect she may also hide it at the back of the drawer:D

    Sue
     
  16. noelphobic

    noelphobic Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    3,452
    Liverpool
    I don't even write cheques for that - I pay them online :D
     
  17. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    1,342
    fear of theft

    It's a power thing, isn't it?

    money and possessions = power, control over one's own life

    "I am losing the power and control which I had over my own life, so someone must be taking them"

    Then every day, if you can read a newspaper or watch TV or listen to the radio there's enough information to confirm that fear, thieves about, credit card fraud, family members cheating each other ...
     
  18. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #58 Margarita, Apr 23, 2007
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2007
    Really, just when while I was working last November l, I found that all credit cards did not need pins, while debit cards did.

    As I thought that…………… I thought it would have been a good idea for sue father to use, then having to get chip pin, informing bank that he does not want pin if he got a debit card .




    Sue Sorry I was not thinking about chq as for paying bills for your father, but chq for the elderly person making life easer for them that I am finding only M&S does that now , because they still take all tenders, not worrying about the loss, like other compamy do
    No wonder they are better then the rest when putting customers needs first, they do know how to keep they customers , even as they get older




    Sue so am I right in thinking that your father has never had a chip pin card before ?
     
  19. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #59 Margarita, Apr 23, 2007
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2007
    Lila



    Unless you’re a power controlling person ( personality) before AZ , as you can’t generalize all People with dementia the same.

    was your mother controling before AZ that why you are saying that ?


    I know we all like control over our life , but some people except that they is something wrong with them , when they get AZ , then even when they expect it , then they can be situation that they can not comprehend what is happening to them as the disease progresses so get angry with themselves Paranoia can set in , then take it out on others around them , when they lose things
     
  20. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    1,342
    Of course I am not saying people with dementia are all the same, you know I have said again and again (when others were generalizing) that we are all different.

    I don't suppose that people with dementia all accuse others of stealing from them.



     

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