Why do people who don't know anything about Dementia think they have the answers

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by nae sporran, Dec 15, 2015.

  1. nae sporran

    nae sporran Volunteer Host

    Oct 29, 2014
    5,627
    Male
    Bristol
    Sorry to come back on the forum after a long break with a bit of a rant. My OH has dementia and our lodger is determined to convince us that if only she switched to a vegan diet she could recover. I tried to tell me she is 81 and dementia is not that simple, but he would not listen. Trying to change ot a low fat diet after the stroke took long enough to find a good balance of foods she would eat, so I am always open to suggestions on improvements though.
     
  2. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    Yes, I can understand how very annoying/upsetting this can be! If it is any consolation, it is not just dementia that people do this with. I suffer from a long-term pain condition and 'well meaning' people sometimes want to tell me that I would be pain-free if I just did, this, that or the other :mad: Sometimes it is something they have read that almost applies to me, other times the thing they come up with is frankly ludicrous!

    I try to remind myself that they do mean well - but sometimes I just have to go away and bite a pillow!
     
  3. Amy in the US

    Amy in the US Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    4,624
    USA
    By all means, rant away. I think many of us have gotten these probably well-intentioned, but ultimately ignorant, stupid, unhelpful, or just plain offensive comments.

    My favorite one was a former neighbour of my mother asking me when my mother would be coming home? Well, while she was in hospital I found out she has Alzheimer's and she can't live alone and she needs to be in a supervised setting/care home for that and her medical issues blah blah blah (the polite way to say, she is seriously demented and can't be left unsupervised and shouldn't have been living alone for at least the past couple of years and aren't you lucky she didn't burn your building down?). Oh, okay, said the neighbour, so when will her Alzheimer's be better so she can move back home? :confused::eek::confused:

    I was raised to be polite, always, always, polite, but I hide when I see this lady!
     
  4. meme

    meme Registered User

    Aug 29, 2011
    1,955
    Female
    London
    If he were my lodger I would not give that idiotic talk air time.....if he persists ..give him notice to quit his room!!
     
  5. nae sporran

    nae sporran Volunteer Host

    Oct 29, 2014
    5,627
    Male
    Bristol
    #5 nae sporran, Dec 16, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 16, 2015
    Thanks to you all for your support and sorry to hear all your troubles. Although, having just chased one selfish lodger I might give him a second chance meme. For now.
     
  6. Lilac Blossom

    Lilac Blossom Registered User

    Oct 6, 2014
    509
    Scotland
    Och man, just give the chap another chance, after all he cannot help being ignorant :D
     
  7. nae sporran

    nae sporran Volunteer Host

    Oct 29, 2014
    5,627
    Male
    Bristol
    Nice one Lilac :).

    Wish I had the words for Slugsta.
     
  8. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    That's very kind of you, thank you :)
     
  9. missmarple

    missmarple Registered User

    Jan 14, 2013
    206
    Sporran I am a state registered dietitian and i can guarantee that a vegan diet will make no difference whatsoever. I was told by a well meaning mum at my kid's school that coconut oil was amazing at treating dementia. Really? I couldn't resist being sarcastic, then immediately regretted it. My Dad is in the late stages and i don;t see how coconut oil will repair his poor damaged brain.
    There are people out there who like to believe that the big bad drug companies are witholding nice wholesome cures to horrid illnesses. If that's the case, how come rich and powerful people get cancer/ dementia/ MND etc?
    Amy in the US I also got the dumb "so have you sorted your Dad now?" "Is your Dad better now?" questions. Made me angry i have to say.
     
  10. nae sporran

    nae sporran Volunteer Host

    Oct 29, 2014
    5,627
    Male
    Bristol
    #10 nae sporran, Dec 17, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 17, 2015

    Funnily enough coconut oil was one of the foods the fellow was talking about, missmarple. I like your answer to the question of the big bad pharmaceuticals, about sums it up.

    When OH left hospital the dietitian gave us some useful information on maximum recommended fat and salt intakes aimed at reducing the chances of another stroke. That was before the dementia diagnosis.

    I have tried to improve her diet to some degree just to keep her as healthy as possible and control diabetes, keep blood pressure down, that sort of thing. Part of me was hoping we could eat something which would make a difference even as I typed, but sadly my best efforts will never be a cure right enough and that is the most frustrating part.
     
  11. missmarple

    missmarple Registered User

    Jan 14, 2013
    206
    Hi Sporan- definitely healthy eating is still relevant unless your OH is losing a lot of weight (in which case upping fat and sugar might be necessary). If she has vascular dementia, does she have diabetes? If so it would make sense to control the sugar levels as best as possible, to reduce any brain damage. It would be especially important to prevent hypos, if she is on medication.
    My Dad has AD and diabetes, and although initially I just thought "let him eat what he wants, what's the point he's got AD anyway" I had to revise my attitude when it became clear his high blood sugar levels were making his aggression much worse. We got rid of all soft drinks at a stroke and replaced with diet drinks and it did make a difference. The tricky bit can be people with dementia often have a mighty sweet tooth, but rationing sweet things and diet drinks can be a good strategy. Sorry, I digress a little!
     
  12. missmarple

    missmarple Registered User

    Jan 14, 2013
    206
    Oops sorry sporran just re read your post I see OH does indeed have diabetes.
     
  13. nae sporran

    nae sporran Volunteer Host

    Oct 29, 2014
    5,627
    Male
    Bristol
    She does have a habit of eating sugar cubes in cafes since the onset of the dementia, which is another thing to try to prevent in time. Thanks for your insights marple.
     
  14. Beetroot

    Beetroot Registered User

    Aug 19, 2015
    363
    I'm afraid so do I, but I have no defence m'lud.:eek:
     

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