Why Do I Prefer Your Company to Theirs?

[Hair Twiddler]

We have had friends (of 30 years) to stay this weekend. Mum has met (and forgotten) them loads of times. They are great - muck in - chat to mum - go with the flow.
However it's me that's the fly in the ointment today.
M & M (not their real names!) are here & I have so looked forward to seeing them.
And yet.... I'm not enjoying their company. They do understand that I have to sit & chat with mum and give her her supper at 18:30, tablets, see Pj's are all put on OKay.
But now that I have some spare time before mum's bedtime - here I am tapping away to you guys. It's not so simple as - "i'm conditioned & have a routine to follow" I know that - I am just not "here". What is wrong with me?

 

[Pottypeg]

We are all singing from the same hymn sheet, and do not have to explain or give reasons why we feel as we do to fellow TPers

 

[Grannie G]

`Their company` requires effort. No effort needed here.

 

[Noorza]

Agree with what's been said but here you can help others in same position as you, you are not being helped, you don't have to be grateful to us TP's as I think (speaking for myself anyway) we are all grateful to each other for the differences we make to each other's lives.

 

[nicoise]

I think it is difficult to make the mental break from caring to carefree socialiser, especially when you are in the caring situation at home.

If you were out at the pub, or a restaurant, you might feel differently - away from "the office", truly free for a few hours.

Sometimes TP can make a mental break in that you step away from work activities and relax a little.

I do hope that you can relax after bedtime and enjoy your visitors' company

 

[Shash7677]

I agree with what other have said Twiddler. Also, I think it's difficult when friends say they understand as, unless they are in a similar position or have experienced AD/dementia they never truly do and that's always at the back of my mind.

On TP, we all have experience of AD/Dementia so of someone virtually stands in the middle of a room and stamps, screams and shouts we all get it. You couldn't physically do that infront of visitors, they'd soon be making excuses to leave. Us, we are always here, always have an ear to bend and a shoulder to lean on/cry on. I think that's what makes all the difference. No matter the time of day or night someone is always here.

I hope you start to enjoy your visitors (sounds wrong on soooo many levels but you know what I mean!) and you have a nice night. But, if you need TP is and we are always about.

Take care lovely
X

 

[tiggs72]

We have had friends (of 30 years) to stay this weekend. Mum has met (and forgotten) them loads of times. They are great - muck in - chat to mum - go with the flow.
However it's me that's the fly in the ointment today.
M & M (not their real names!) are here & I have so looked forward to seeing them.
And yet.... I'm not enjoying their company. They do understand that I have to sit & chat with mum and give her her supper at 18:30, tablets, see Pj's are all put on OKay.
But now that I have some spare time before mum's bedtime - here I am tapping away to you guys. It's not so simple as - "i'm conditioned & have a routine to follow" I know that - I am just not "here". What is wrong with me?

Hi - I know exactly how you feel , I have reached the point where any spare time I have I like to spend with my partner or getting my head together.

I have one particular friend who is very good and supportive but others who offer no support and winge on about trivial things that quite frankly irritate me!

Glad it's not just me! Here on TP you can duck in and out when you need to - no one judges and there is so much support!

On Friday I was at the end of my tether (pressure of work , dad and two teenagers) - I made the conscious decision Friday not to go charging to my dads or to answer the numerous phone calls - my one friend was horrified, and this is because the don't understand or have never lived through this awful journey! Mind you despite how horrified she was and all the time she has on her hands she has never once offered any help either practical or emotional!

Don't feel guilty - I think stuff will fall back into place when the time is right.

Hugh's Tiggs x