1. grimsby28

    grimsby28 Registered User

    Feb 4, 2008
    hi am having a really bad day today been trying to sort out mum and her brusing from her time in respite but getting no were fast all mum done since coming home is sit on sofa talking to herself only got up to go to bathroom and to bed not really spoke at all ask her if she ok she said yes she is mobile but does nort want to help me do meals or anything really dragging me down at moment does any one else feel this way or is it just me
  2. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    East Midlands
    Hello Grimsby!!

    No..it's not just you.

    I suspect that each one of us has more days feeling like that than we have "good days".
    If it's of any help..I've had a similar day!!

    It's a lonely place to be..looking after someone with dementia..and some days are much harder than others..

    I try to think that if today has been particularly difficult..tomorrow will be better..:)

    Am sure others here on TP will join in on this one!!!

    Love Gigi x

    ps....Sincerely hope tomorrow is better for you..:)
  3. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    Dear Grimsby,
    Unfortuntley, some people when they have been in respite come home, very confused and then getting back in to the familiar surroundings.
    If will take time for your Mum to settle again.
    With what you have had to deal with, it is no wonder that you are feeling so low.
    Do you have any support at all?
    Some one will come on line and offer help.
    Apart from your local A.S. Branch, Help the Aged, Age Concern, Crossroads.
    I wish you all the best
  4. grimsby28

    grimsby28 Registered User

    Feb 4, 2008
    feeling low

    thankyou for your support i dont know if its me or just worry i feel so trapped we have no social life at all now maybe its resentment as i am stuck in the house most days except one day a week when mum goes to a club for people with memory loss it nomally takes her a couple of days to settle back down but not as long as this my sister has just moved house so she up to her eyes in it and my other sister lives abroad and my brother works all hours so he cant help feel like it all on my shoulders i am the youngest of the family and people tell me it all ways falls on one and they are so right i have looked after my mum since my dad died some years back so i was the obvious choice when she started losing her memory for her to go live with it fine for them they can walk from it all i cant neither can my husband who also cares for me as i have rhumitoid arthrites and have some really bad days myself when i cant even move with out pain sorry for going on but cant see my life getting any better at the moment
  5. BeverleyY

    BeverleyY Registered User

    Jan 29, 2008
    Ashford, Kent
    I really understand how you feel. My sister is no help at all. All she says is, oh well 'put him in a home'.

    I have always had a habit of making choices that are right for others, even if they are not necessarily right for me. I guess I can't help it.

    I don't resent the situation I am in, but I do wish I had a 'normal' life.

    I want to return to work (next week) as I love my job, and yes, I love the money I earn too, but am panicking I will feel so guilty about abandoning Dad to day care 3 times a week that I will quit. We lost my Mum three and a half weeks ago and so Dad has never really had to be on his own (they have lived with us for 5 years). I've made arrangements to work a day a week at home and so has my husband (we have great employers) but, it's these 3 days Dad will be alone that are eating me up inside.

    I love my Dad so much, I just wish my Mum hadn't died. Everything up until then was great; I had my Mum and Dad living here, my kids, my husband, and a job that is challenging and fulfilling (I work in the charitable sector).

    I think one of the worst thing is not knowing how bad Dad will actually end up, and what timescales we are looking at before a deterioration happens.

    So... as I'm in the throes of grieving for my Mum.. and under extreme stress making choices for my Dad.... can I join you down there is that low point?:(

    Beverley x
  6. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    #6 Margarita, Feb 11, 2008
    Last edited: Feb 11, 2008

    My mother go to to respite and I am finding the more time she go they the more longer it take me to motivate her again , its not that she does not settle , its that she seem so life less for a good week or so . They even notice it at day centre

    I don't know your situation if you got a social worker you can talk to , but could you not tell SW how your feeling ? so they can organize more day center for your mother . or get someone to sit with your mother at home while you get some time for yourself ?

    Just tell them that your finding it hard to cope with your own health , so could they review the care plan so you can get more support for your mother while she living with you ?

    Do you have a care plan for your mother ?

    I felt just like you trap in the home all the time , so SW organized more support for me , in supporting mum at home with me
  7. grimsby28

    grimsby28 Registered User

    Feb 4, 2008
    my day just gets worse

    sat all day waiting for ss to contact me over mums brusing hoover blows up then to top it of mum goes to bathroom and messes all over carpets and bath mats spent last hour cleaning her and bathroom up dont know what stage mum in with her vascular demtia some one told me it goes in stages dont know if it is true can anyone advise me please
  8. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006

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