WHY DO i FEEL SO ALONE

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by haze, Jul 17, 2008.

  1. haze

    haze Registered User

    Jul 17, 2008
    7
    surrey
    My husband was diagnosed with Alzheimers 3years ago aged 61 he was such a busy man who was always doing something either in the home or knocking about in his shed (which was his pride and joy) I go out to a lunch group once a month (through Alzhemiers)and also to a supper evening once a month. He attends a day centre once a week but apart from that he wont leave his chair, all day long he will do jigsaw puzzles and will not engage in a conversation with me apart from yes or no I know that things could be a lot more difficult for me and I am thankful for that,but why do I feel so lonley I feel so envious when I see couples out talking and laughing which we always used to do. All the good times we had have gone. Im sorry if I am feeling sorry for myself but sometimes I think is this the rest of my life? I am now 62 why do I feel like this?
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    70,151
    Kent
    Hello Haze

    Alzheimers is a condition that takes away the ability to interact and communicate, like no other condition. And for those of us who are living with it 24/7, the loneliness is awful.

    I hope now you have found Talking Point [TP] you will be less lonely. It is full of people like us, caring full time for partners and parents. Our only outlet is the weekly or monthly support group.

    TP is here 24/7 . There is always someone on line. And those on line are experiencing the same frustrations and fears.

    Please keep posting here. There will be a lot of support for you and you will make friends. It won`t solve your problems but it will certainly help.

    Love xx
     
  3. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    3,388
    Buckinghamshire
    Dear Haze,
    Welcome to Talking Point.
    My husband was diagnoised at 57. He is now in E.M.I. Unit and in the final stage and he is now 62.

    The feeling of being alone is horrible. We can be surrounded by close famiy and good friends (if we are lucky), but the loneliness is still there.
    That does not take away the empty feeling of no longer having our loved one with us.

    Peter was very close to his Carer. From the time she arrived, he was talking, going out somewhere with her but not with me. But once she went home, there would be complete silence. And it hurt big time.

    When the Carer came back next day, he would be chirpy, laughing.
    It is one of the terrible things about this illness and although they are not aware, it still is painful.

    Best wishes
    Christine
     
  4. haze

    haze Registered User

    Jul 17, 2008
    7
    surrey
    lonley

    Dear Christine
    Thank you so much for your reply Im so pleased that I am not alone with what I am going through I feel a lot better just reading your reply
    Thank you
    Haze x






    Welcome to Talking Point.
    My husband was diagnoised at 57. He is now in E.M.I. Unit and in the final stage and he is now 62.

    The feeling of being alone is horrible. We can be surrounded by close famiy and good friends (if we are lucky), but the loneliness is still there.
    That does not take away the empty feeling of no longer having our loved one with us.

    Peter was very close to his Carer. From the time she arrived, he was talking, going out somewhere with her but not with me. But once she went home, there would be complete silence. And it hurt big time.

    When the Carer came back next day, he would be chirpy, laughing.
    It is one of the terrible things about this illness and although they are not aware, it still is painful.

    Best wishes
    Christine[/QUOTE]
     
  5. ROSEANN

    ROSEANN Registered User

    Oct 1, 2006
    909
    staffordshire
    Hi Haze
    Welcome to TP
    I know what you mean about feeling as if life is over, I find myself sitting on my own at night and thinking to myself `is this it`.
    My husband is 73 and I am 60 a big difference in our ages and sometimes I think to my self I know he has AZ but he has had some life before he got it.
    I too feel sorry for myself but then I remember how much I love him and vow to make the most of what we have.
    Hope you feel better soon, keep posting it really does help.
    Love Roseann
     
  6. haze

    haze Registered User

    Jul 17, 2008
    7
    surrey
    grannie

    Dear Grannie

    Thankyou I really wish I had joined a long time ago I feel lifted all ready
    Thank you
    xx





    QUOTE=Grannie G;146015]Alzheimers is a condition that takes away the ability to interact and communicate, like no other condition. And for those of us who are living with it 24/7, the loneliness is awful.

    I hope now you have found Talking Point [TP] you will be less lonely. It is full of people like us, caring full time for partners and parents. Our only outlet is the weekly or monthly support group.

    TP is here 24/7 . There is always someone on line. And those on line are experiencing the same frustrations and fears.

    Please keep posting here. There will be a lot of support for you and you will make friends. It won`t solve your problems but it will certainly help.

    Love xx[/QUOTE]
     
  7. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Hi Haze
    loneliness is one of the feelings that comes with dementia.
    Friends and relatives vanish,only the really good caring folk are left.
    We miss the companionship of our partners,being able to talk and discuss daily incidents,all gone.
    We can only seize the times when our loved one comes through and they are with us for a brief spell.
    Haze you are not alone we have all experienced the lonely feelings,TP is here for you ,to share with others who suffer the same heartbreaks.
    Norman
     
  8. andrear

    andrear Registered User

    Feb 13, 2008
    402
    Yorkshire
    HI There and Welcome to TP.
    You are now not so alone, as the others have said there is always someone online to talk to.
    I don't have the same loneliness that you are facing as I look after my parents and at the end of each day come back home to my wonderful husband.
    But after losing so many friends as they are all still working and doing their own thing, I am looking after very ill parents and am too tired to do anything when I get home.
    You will find many on the site are in a similar situation as you are and you will shortly make lots of virtual friends.
    Keep on posting.
    Love AndreaX
     
  9. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    3,433
    Suffolk,England
    #9 Lynne, Jul 17, 2008
    Last edited: Jul 17, 2008
    Hi Haze

    Just another 'welcome on board' from me, and sincere sympathy & understanding for your feelings of lost companionship.

    I'm looking after my Mum and we too have lost that closeness we used to share (& take for granted).
    Now, what conversation we have is mainly functional - "Are you warm enough? Would you like ..." - I'm sure you know what I mean.

    I know mother/daughter & husband/wife relationships are very different, obviously, but the feeling of emptiness "where they used to be" is the same desolation.

    If it helps you to express it here, we DO understand.
     
  10. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Hi Haze

    Welcome to TP.

    You are certainly not alone, there are many of us here who feel as you do.

    I cared for my husband at home for 7 years. His problem was loss of language, so any converstaion was impossible. And the sense of isolation was unbearable.

    You have to try to make a life for yourself, that doesn't revelve round AD. Sorry, badly phrased! I mean, I had to make a life for myself!

    I had carers in two afternoons a week, and I joined groups where I could talk about other subjects -- that saved my sanity!

    Now sadly my husband is in care. My life still revolves round visiting him, and I miss him terrible, but I am now building on the things I started when he was at home.

    You love your husband, as I love mine. But you have to stay healthy too.

    Please come and chat to us on TP, you'll find you don't feel so lonely.

    Love,
     
  11. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    7,788
    East Midlands
    Another greeting!!!

    Hello Haze,

    Welcome to TP..as others have said it is a lifeline..and there's always someone around to lend an ear.

    I'm soon to be 55..my husband is 71..he was diagnosed with Alzheimers and Vascular dementia 2 years ago..although I suspect it was there for a few years before that..I just never realised.

    I've taken early retirement to care for my husband...who..like yours..sits in a chair all day. He has very little conversation, now..watches TV constantly..and that's it.

    He can still make a cup of tea..but I've noticed recently he'll get out of doing that if he can! His mobility is also very poor now..he cannot walk far..or stay on his feet for too long.

    He sleeps for a large part of the day..and all night too.

    We have a sitter 2 mornings a week, and he can go to a day centre on Fridays..but often refuses to go.

    Do post whenever you like..the caring is isolating..people here understand that...

    Love gigi xx
     
  12. jackie1

    jackie1 Registered User

    Jun 6, 2007
    238
    Cheshire
    Hello Haze and welcome,
    I'm 45 and care for my husband 55, he was diagnosed 2 years ago. At times the lonliness just closes in. Although I am very lucky in that we have 2 young children, so there is always noise. But I do really miss the man I married, his humour, his support and his love. Every now and then there are flashes of that man and that's what I hang onto if I'm feeling down.
    Love
    Jackie
     
  13. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    18,972
    Derbyshire
    HelloL

    Here I am - another with the same feelings of isolation and loneliness. My husband was diagnosed with Alz/Mixed Dementia 4 yrs ago but there were serious signs for at least 4 yrs before that.

    Tp is excellent for sharing feelings and worries. I made a resolution to speak on the telephone or see someone every day. It is not easy as my husband is immobile, but will not readily go into his wheelchair. He sits in his chair most of the day - does not like television, very limited conversation and concentration level. He does 'read' although the same book has now been 'read' since February!. I have tried photos, jigsaws, colouring, etc etc. but to no avail. In the early days he did sort out a massive stamp collection which, although worthless, did occupy him for several months.

    It seems you have already established a contact with your local Alz Society. Do you get sitters or daycare cos at least that means you can get out to meet other folk? This all sounds easy, I know, as it does not replace the husband/wife relationship you had - I still feel that sadness. But I still love him and care - and thats what keeps me going.

    Please keep posting - we are all here to share.
    Love Jan
     
  14. helen.tomlinson

    helen.tomlinson Registered User

    Mar 27, 2008
    541
    Hello Haze

    I remember joining Talking Point (not that long ago) and I was saying something very similar to you. I joined because I felt so alone. I felt so alone and my husband can do many things!! It's the parts of our relationship that were missing that I missed so much. We used to understand each other and now he doesn't understand me and I can only try to understand him! He has lost his ability to empathise and this makes me feel very alone. I don't feel anywhere near as alone as I did because of Talking Point and the advice I have been given, and also advice that I have seen others being given, has enabled me to make changes that help me to manage the aloneness.

    It is awful to have to cope with the effects of this disease but thank goodness for all the helps along the way:)

    Hope you find all that you need in order to care for your husband and also care for yourself.

    Love Helen
     
  15. Linda Mc

    Linda Mc Registered User

    Jul 3, 2005
    1,881
    Nr Mold
    I too know the feeling of loneliness and agree with Jackie1 she has put it in exactly the words I would choose:

    But I do really miss the man I married, his humour, his support and his love. Every now and then there are flashes of that man and that's what I hang onto if I'm feeling down.

    My husband is 73 10 years older than me. TP has been a marvellous support for me.

    Linda x
     
  16. lesmisralbles

    lesmisralbles Account Closed

    Nov 23, 2007
    5,543
    Hello Haze

    You see.
    Everyone cares.:) for each other:)
    Keep posting.
    I for one know's that it help's.
    Barb & Ron
     
  17. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    18,972
    Derbyshire
    Hello Haze:

    I think you are online at this moment. This is to let you know I feel also the loneliness of the moment and of our lives at present.
    Just wanted to share with you. Love Jan
     
  18. haze

    haze Registered User

    Jul 17, 2008
    7
    surrey
    feeling a bit down just now

    Hi Jan

    Just cant help crying tonight sometimes I feel my life has stopped then I look at my husband and feel why could'nt we have had a few good years for his retirement he worked so hard never took a day of work and he's been robbed of all of it.
    Sorry
    Haze
    xx
     
  19. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    70,151
    Kent
    Hello Haze and Jan

    Can I join you both in feeling alone. It`s not a good feeling to have but at least we have each other to share it with.
    Love xx
     
  20. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Hi Haze

    I'm feeling lonely too tonight.

    My husband John is in a NH, has been for over a year. Normally I'm used to being on my own, but tonight I miss him like crazy.

    I feel like driving round to give him a cuddle, but I've had a drink, and the police will be out in force tonight.

    We'll all just have to be lonely together.

    Love,
     

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