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Why do I feel like I'm begging?

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by smartieplum, May 17, 2018.

  1. smartieplum

    smartieplum Registered User

    Jul 29, 2014
    259
    I lived with mum and dad. Dad is still at home but mum recently moved to a care home. It's lovely but is more than the contribution the council are making. We have to pay £136 a week which comes to more than half my monthly salary. Mum has very little savings. I have 3 brothers and a sister. Two brothers are pretty flush. I have sent a text (I'm rubbish at confronting folk) asking if they could make a contribution. Is anyone else had to deal with this? I dont need this guilt.
     
  2. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,853
    Female
    Scotland
    That is so wrong it makes me angry. I don't know what area you are in but they should be ashamed. Does the council know this is your money and that it comes out of your salary?
     
  3. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    3,024
    Nottinghamshire
    I too am disgusted that the council expect you to part fund your mum getting a decent place but I know that's how it works.

    Regarding your siblings - I'd be tempted to spell it out to them that £136 a week is a lot for you to have to pay but £34 a week each to keep your mum comfortable is much more manageable.

    Good luck!
     
  4. karaokePete

    karaokePete Registered User

    Jul 23, 2017
    4,923
    N Ireland
    I agree with everybody else.
    Further, you aren't begging and you aren't confronting, you are asserting what's right. Get the determination you need from knowing that right is on your side and everyone on TP is behind you.
     
  5. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    3,024
    Nottinghamshire
    Just realised there are 5 of you so it's less than £28 each. Surely they think your mum's worth that small sacrifice?
     
  6. smartieplum

    smartieplum Registered User

    Jul 29, 2014
    259
    Thank you guys. Who likes asking for help, we all think we can do it alone. She is NOT moving from her placement, end of. If I have to, I will find it. The ball is now in their court. I'll keep you up to date.

    TP is the best:D
     
  7. love.dad.but..

    love.dad.but.. Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    4,401
    Kent
    I would just be polite blunt and assertive to your siblings. You feel it is the best placement for her so £28 each should be affordable to most to help keep your mum well cared for. However...human nature being what it is...hopefully they will also arrive at that conclusion
     

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