Why did Dad smash his bedroom up?

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by SallyB, Apr 30, 2006.

  1. SallyB

    SallyB Registered User

    May 7, 2005
    Hi, Have just had the most awful day of my life so far with Dad's illness. Dad's carer called this morning for me to go round.
    When I got there he was on the floor of his bedroom and the whole place was trashed. He had smashed most of his bedroom. His telephone was completly smashed to pieces. He had taken the clock of the wall and smashed it and put it in the bathroom. I could go on and on but really what I am wondering is has anyone heard of this before? Dad has never done anything like this before. He had bashed his head on something but who knows what.

    When I got there he was saying that a mad man had been in trying to kill him. When I said did you fight him off he was telling me that yes he had. He was really frightened. He has never said that he has seen anyonr before in his house.

    I feel so awful now, how do we get through this. He is now in hospital waiting for a bed on the elderly care ward. I didn't want to leave him tonight as he was shouting for me to stay. I know I will probably never know what caused this or why he did it.

    Would be interested in any thoughts if anyone has experienced any thing like this before.

  2. jarnee

    jarnee Registered User

    Mar 18, 2006
    Oh SallyB

    What a dreadful experience for your dad and for you.

    I have not had anything like this.... (yet !!) so I don't know what else to sy.

    some one will be along soon with some proper advice & support, until then, have a hug form me { }

  3. Áine

    Áine Registered User

    Oh Sally, it sounds a complete nightmare. I don't think I have much to offer other than another hug :(

    My dad (thankfully) not done anything like this, but he did see other people in his house regularly, and tells me about there having been fights in his nh. Having said that, I can empathise with the utterly wretched feeling of not knowing what's caused dad's behaviour or why he's done things. And feeling awful because he's obviously been very frightened and distressed at times that there's been nothing I've been able to do to help.

  4. crums

    crums Registered User

    May 22, 2004
    sallyB my heart goes out to you i have experience something simaler to this where my husdand thought there was a man with a knife in the bedroom and he began to through things around trying to fight him off the only thing we could do was try to diffuse the situation which is easier said then done but after about 3hours he calmed down i know this doesnt help you a lot but just wanted to let you know your not on your own and it does happen.
    Big hug clare x
  5. jan.

    jan. Registered User

    Apr 19, 2006
    Cheshire, UK.

    I`m so sorry to read about your distressing day, i`m afraid i also don`t have much experience about these things as yet, but needed you to know that i feel for you, BIG HUG!!

    When dad was being diagnosed, the doctor did ask if he was hallucinating, so i pressume that it`s part of the progression of A.D.

    I know that there are nights when i hear my dad having "conversations" with other people, but i don`t know who. The conversations sound very real and more lucid than the ones he has with me, in fact he has more to say to "them" than he does to me!! I`m lucky to get more than 3words out of dad in the day. Sometimes in the mornings i find dad has been hallucinating so much that he`s got bruises up his arms where he must have been thrashing about at night. Of course when i ask him about them he doesn`t remember a thing.

    I only hope and pray that what your experiencing SallyB will be a passing phase and that by tomorrow your dad won`t remember the events that took place today. Each day brings its own hurdles to cross......But we get there.

    Thinking of you,

  6. SallyB

    SallyB Registered User

    May 7, 2005
    Hi, That was quick!

    Thankfully by the time I left him he was saying he couldn't remember and when I asked him if he could remember the man with the knife fighting him he started getting agitated. Obviously the wrong thing to say. He was scared then that there was someone in the house! Me and my big mouth!

    I carn't get over the devestation in his bedroom however something that I have remembered is that both pairs of his glasses were undamaged as was the picture of his grandaughter. Which is making me wonder did he have some understanding of what he was doing? Strange that he didn't break his glasses.

    Just going to call the hospital to see if he has settled.

  7. jarnee

    jarnee Registered User

    Mar 18, 2006
    Hope he's settled Ok, SallyB

  8. SallyB

    SallyB Registered User

    May 7, 2005
    They have transfered him to one of the elderly care wards. Settled and sleeping without ant sedation thankfully. But carn't visit until tomorrow at 2pm. Its going to be a long morning.

    Thanks for all your hugs! and kind words.

  9. jarnee

    jarnee Registered User

    Mar 18, 2006
    Glad he's Ok.

    Night, night !!
  10. jan.

    jan. Registered User

    Apr 19, 2006
    Cheshire, UK.
    Ditto, glad your dads settled, try and get a decent nights sleep yourself, SallyB.
    Hope he`s ok tomorrow, let us know how you get on?
    God Bless,
    Jan. x
  11. dmc

    dmc Registered User

    Mar 13, 2006
    hi sallyB

    hope your dad has had a good night,
    my mum went through a similar phase just before she was diagnosed in february
    only it was her room in hospital that she wrecked!
    she completly ripped up photos of her grandchildren into shreds rubbed toothpaste all over the walls wrote over the bed, herself, cupboards, with her lipstick, i could go on!!
    she ended up with everything being taken away from her, her room was bare except for a bed and wardrobe, she had no clothes or toiletries they were all kept in another room.
    anyway they found that she was having hallucinations, and she had voices in her head telling to do these things, once they started medication for this it all stopped

    it is such a shock when they do this and you dont know why, but in my mothers case there have been very few instances, and she seems to have settled:eek: perhaps i shouldnt have said that!!

    anyway i wouldnt look too hard for answers as to why he did it, you already have the answer DEMENTIA:mad:
    best wishes x:)
  12. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    Sally, there is not a lot I can say.........except it is all part and parcel of the illness.
    Where do they get the energy.
    Looking at life through their eyes it must be sooooo frightining. If we cannot understand, how can they.

    Do hope dad settles, and that you get a good night.
    This is where Norman's "Day by day" really comes in. Love
  13. SallyB

    SallyB Registered User

    May 7, 2005
    #13 SallyB, May 1, 2006
    Last edited: May 1, 2006
    It's getting worse.

    Hi just come down to earth, have been at the hospital with Dad.

    He has been given sedation but it didn't work and he has been agitated all day. I know why, he wants to come home. All he keeps saying is Take me home. It goes on and on. The worse thing is that I understand what is getting him like this now (of corse he wants to be at home in his bed with his dog) but it is so awful to see him shouting and swearing and getting angry.

    Just before I left they gave him some sedation but it took three of us to hold him down, the air was blue.

    How guilty do i feel now? I know I had to leave him there but my Brother said should we bring him home? How do we cope? We couldn't leave him and how could I sort everything out? How i hate this bloody illness. Tonight on the ward I heard the nurses saying someone had passed away and I found myself thinking, what a blessing, How could I think that but on the other hand my Dad would be mortified if he new what he was doing.

    Just another ****** day (sorry for swearing but that is just how I feel tonight)

  14. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    Sally, thinking of you.

    Beware of taking "I want to go home" literally. My dear Lionel has taken to saying this recently, and he lives at home with me.

    This phrase is so much more.........they are saying "I want/need to go back to where I was safe".......before the desease took hold. Of course, I am simplfying a turmoil in their minds, but 'knee jerk' reaction does not always have the results you would wish.

    I post the question "where is home"? No one can give you an answer. Take care,
  15. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006

    I may not be of much help .all I can say is that it sounds like you done right thing in leavening your dad in the hospital elderly care wards. ,my thoughts are with you xx
  16. PatH

    PatH Registered User

    Feb 14, 2005
    I am so sorry you are having this experience with your Dad. Hallucinations were a very big part of my husbands Altzheimers and all the violence that goes with them. Your Dad needs to be in hospital where he can be assessed in a safe environment.I made a wrong decision in bringing my husband home too soon, it wasnt fair to him and so dangerous for me.
    I know your head and feelings must be all over the place but at the minute let the professionals look after him. Time unfortunately does not heal Altzheimers but somehow it does offer us a way of dealing with it.
    Guilt is the baggage of this disease try not to let it bog you down( believe me I have carried the baggage for years only just learning to deal with it)

    I hope your Dad settles with the medication . Take care.
  17. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    Birmingham Hades
    [QUOTE]where is home
    Connie is so right where is home? Who knows?
    My wife wants to go home evry night and we are home!!!
  18. Áine

    Áine Registered User


    Sorry that the nightmare seems to be continuing. Connie is right about the going home thing - my dad did the same.

    The b****y, b****y awful thing in all this hell is that there isn't a good option. Leaving them there unhappy and agitated is a nightmare, and trying to bring them home is a nightmare. It feels like there should be another option, something that feels like "The Right Thing", and I've spent loads of energy trying to find it ...... but there isn't. Mostly I think it's making the best of a bad job. :(

    Hope you get some sleep. Let us know how it goes,


  19. Dave W

    Dave W Registered User

    Jul 3, 2005
    Have a big hug

    Oh Sally, what a horrendous experience. As others have pointed out, it's probably a hallucination that has triggered this. My Mum had a brief (thankfully) phase of burning and burying things in the garden, all triggered by some bizarre hallucination she gave us conflicting accounts of. And she's been quite violent a couple of times, but thankfully no damage or injuries done.

    The right thing to do - I think you've already done it. He's somewhere safe with trained staff to attend and monitor him. No matter how badly you might feel about it, they can more for him than you could, even if you wanted to. Rest for now - you need to recuperate from this. And find someone to hug you.

    Till then, I'm sure we all send digital hugs a plenty.

    Take good care.
  20. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    NW England
    Hi SallyB,

    Can't offer anything in the way of advice, but can send a hug!

    Thinking of you - and hoping for a positive 'up-date' soon,

    Take care of yourself, love, Karen, x

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