My ma-in-law has been in hospital with vascular dementia since 31 December. I finally saw a Social Worker on Friday, and his attitude was pretty much that she should go into an EMI home, as the consultant had first suggested. He knew I wanted to bring her home and asked me what sort of home support I would ideally want. I told him Day Care and a week's respite every few months. He was very negative towards the prospects of getting this help - understandably, as I know places are very limited. He also said they couldn't "promise" that the help would be available, which I found a bit strange. It's either there or it isn't, if there's a place, there's a place, they must know what is available. He said they had to consider what's best for her but also what's best for me and whether I could cope with her. I told him I expected she would eventually have to go into a home, as the dementia progressed. The consultant also wanted to see me and he also said she needed to go into a home, where she could get the care she needed. He said she was being very difficult about taking her meds, which I already knew, and was wandering about the ward in the evening and night and not settling down. He also mentioned her incontinence. Now, when I last spoke to the Charge Nurse, he said she had urinary incontence about 50% of the time and, apart from when she had a tummy bug, could make to the loo OK to poop. He also said she was restless during the evening, but most of the time she was sleeping from about 11pm through to 6am. I don't work, I don't have a family to look after, so I consider myself to be ideally placed to look after her. I'm not going to have the problem of trying to work and/or look after others as well as caring for her. I've got good friends and neighbours, who are her friends as well. So why are they so keen to get her into a home? Is it because they think she's going to end up in one eventually, so it would a lot less trouble if we do it now, rather than having to do the work to get me the support? I've got a conference with the Social Worker and some of the medical team on Monday, but I feel their approach is going to be a foregone conclusion that she needs to go into a home. The Social Worker says she'll have to see a psychiatrist, anyway, to be assessed because she hasn't got any money or property to sell to fund herself. I've asked to be there when this happens, as she is rather deaf and has trouble with English accents, and I'm not at all sure they won't decide she's lacking in mental ability rather than just not being able to understand/hear what they're saying. Sorry this is such a long post, but I'm damned confused myself now, because they seem so sure she needs to go into a home, without even discussing the alternatives with me.