Why are people so nasty?

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Jean1234, Aug 21, 2016.

  1. Jean1234

    Jean1234 Registered User

    Mar 19, 2015
    We were in the launderette today and my OH made a lame joke about a sock dropped on the floor saying that 'that's my sock'. The lady who had dropped the sock turned on him and said it wasn't but in a very nasty way. I explained that he was joking and she
    Shouted at him in a very vicious voice saying she had come to do her washing quietly and didn't want his jokes! And did he want her blouse as well. It was so vicious and unexpected. I asked her to calm down and she got worse. I know his idea of a joke is not good but he didn't deserve that verbal attack. How I kept my cool I don't know but I do know that if my OH hadn't been there looking shell shocked I would have had a real go at her. The whole episode upset me greatly. He of course forgot it quite quickly. Sometimes because their illness is invisible people have no patience . Had it been a child or someone with obvious learning disability I'm sure it wouldn't have happened.
  2. Frank68

    Frank68 Registered User

    Jan 28, 2013
    South Coast
    Sorry to hear about that episode, Jean. We had a similar experience on our last flight some months back and it was indeed very upsetting so I have sympathy with you on this. Simple fact: there are some bitter and angry people out there. In my better moments I wonder what has made them like that?
  3. Zana

    Zana Registered User

    May 12, 2016
    Dont be so sure, there are some really awful people around.

    So sorry you and your husband had to be victim to this kind of nastiness.
  4. Casbow

    Casbow Registered User

    Sep 3, 2013
    Try to forget it. I have had similar stuff happen and realise its their problem not yours or mine. Some people have no give. They are all black and white. Sad people.
  5. LynneMcV

    LynneMcV Volunteer Moderator

    May 9, 2012
    south-east London
    What a horrible thing to have happened and very upsetting for you. I am glad your husband was able to forget the matter, he didn't deserve that kind of reaction.

    I suppose it is always possible that the woman herself has an illness which caused her to act in such a nasty way.

    A couple of years ago my husband was victim to a similar attitude by someone when we were at the supermarket. My husband was pushing the trolley and came to a standstill as he reached a point where he couldn't work out which way to go around someone, so stood still in the hope they would negotiate their way around him instead.

    This silly woman blasted him for being obstructive. I am not a confrontational person but I saw red that day and said something along the lines of: "My husband has an illness which makes it hard for him to judge space and proximity of objects. I will give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you have an illness which makes you very rude and obnoxious."

    She is at the supermarket most weeks when we go. She has never apologised but makes sure she gives us a wide berth now :)
  6. esmeralda

    esmeralda Registered User

    Nov 27, 2014
    Well done Lynne, I wish I could manage to be that articulate in such situations.

    It does sound like a very extreme reaction from the 'lady' Jean, and dreadfully upsetting, especially as your dear husband was just trying to be friendly. She must have an awfully miserable life to be reacting in that way. I hope you are feeling less upset about it now.
  7. Beannie

    Beannie Registered User

    Aug 17, 2015
    East Midlands
    Hi Jean sorry you have had this encounter. Perhaps she has great sadness in her life or is dealing with illness (not that it is any excuse for her behaviour) or maybe she is just obnoxious. It is hard to see and hear people making remarks about people we love. I had an encounter last year where OH and I were in a café and OH was doing his usual chair shuffling. Another customer and a member of staff were sniggering and making disparaging remarks about 'that strange man' before I knew what I was doing and because I was so cross I strode over to them and said in a very loud voice' that strange man has Parkinsons Disease and Alzheimers Dementia 'They looked very embarrassed and said sorry and offered to take our cups back to the counter when we had finshed and helped my husband pull out his chair as we left.

    I hope you can put this incident behind you and carry on making as normal a life for your OH as you are obviously doing.
  8. Alicenutter

    Alicenutter Registered User

    Aug 29, 2015
    Massachusetts USA
    We've had to deal with this sort of thing a few times. I carry cards which I printed up from the Internet that explain that 'the person I am with' (my husband) has an illness. In his case, it's fronto-temporal dementia. This helps avoid confrontation. And I try to bear in mind that I have no idea what is going on in other people's lives, and that if they behave unpleasantly they are probably unhappy.

    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
  9. irismary

    irismary Registered User

    Feb 7, 2015
    West Midlands
    Its horrible though isn't it. My lovely husband tried to help by moving someone's shopping on the conveyor belt or the bar that separates shopping (not sure which) and the man was really nasty. The checkout operator was lovely but I cried as my husband looked shell shocked. He had no idea what was wrong. My mom was with us and was upset as I was crying. Have to say I have toughened up now - this was in the early days - now I'd either ignore it or politely tell them to grow up and get some perspective.
  10. elizabeth hc

    elizabeth hc Registered User

    Oct 31, 2012
    It is horrible when people are so nasty.I just try and think there are more nice friendly people about and horrible folk should remember "what goes around comes around"
  11. Jean1234

    Jean1234 Registered User

    Mar 19, 2015
    Thanks folks

    Thanks folks, I appreciate your replies. I did in fact burst into tears after she had left which confused my OH even more. Two other ladies were really kind. Hopefully I will toughen up as we go along. I wish I was able to think of a suitable put down at the time but I was so shocked I couldn't think of what to say. As you say, what goes round comes around and that particular lady will get her comeuppance sometime in the future. I just hope for her sake that she isn't looking after someone with dementia when it happens.
  12. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    Jean, the fact that you couldn't think of a suitable riposte just means that you are a nicer person than the woman!

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