Why are carers invisible to those in authority?

SueShell

Registered User
Sep 13, 2012
395
0
Orpington
Why is it that whoever you deal with seem to totally ignore the person who knows the cared for best and just carry on as though the carer is invisible?

I told the A & E Doctor to look at Mum's back, although they were concentrating on her legs. Mum kept complaining, well screaming at everyone, that her back was really painful. I lifted up her gown and showed the doctor her back which was cut and said that tomorrow it would be full of bruises. Nothing there, the Doc said, its OK. Ignore me, that's right. This morning she's still complaining, lifted up her dress, and the whole of her back, nearly full length of her spine is black and blue.
PACE come in. I will get you a glass of water. Went to Kitchen got Mum a glass of water. She told Mum to take 4 sips. She did, Mum as nice as pie to her. Oh, she probably thought what a lovely little lady. Told me off for not constantly supplying her with drinks. Told her Mum has had 3 cups of tea in the past 45 minutes. Oh she must have water, not tea. She won't drink water. Please ensure the carer gives her water. The carer does leave her water, I leave her water, BUT SHE WON'T DRINK IT! Ignores me, keeps writing. As she left I said to her, oh you are so lucky. When I speak to Mum and try and get her to do something, she tells me to f off and throws a tantrum. Oh they are always like this with the one they love. Problem with that is my Mum doesn't love me, never has, never kissed me or shown me any affection in the whole of my life. These people really annoy me so much. Anyway, PACE not coming anymore, thank God. She asked Mum if she would like to do a survey and Mum said yes. Just how does someone with AD do a survey when she can't even remember that she had a fall and was in hospital all last night! It beggars belief. I'm sick of all these tick box exercises they do. Be good if they actually SUPPORTED THE CARERS rather than hack them off and making them feel like they are useless at caring.
 

Austinsmum

Registered User
Oct 7, 2012
303
0
Melton Mowbray
Hi SueShell,

that was an awesome rant :D you must feel like throttling the next person that makes any kind of goody goody condescending comment. In fact, god help anyone that crosses your path lest you rip their head off! Good for you that you’re getting sick of being pushed around, be strong and believe in yourself. Hugs. XXX
 

jaymor

Registered User
Jul 14, 2006
15,604
0
South Staffordshire
It is all very well saying "they are always like that with the ones they love. Love them or not if they are doing the caring and not getting the co-operation of the sufferer how the heck is the sufferer going to get the care they need. If the sufferer is not drinking then the carer loved or not needs help. This is just not acceptable but we have no choice but to accept it. my little rant over,


take care,

Jay
 

Rageddy Anne

Registered User
Feb 21, 2013
5,984
0
Cotswolds
I feel for you, being patronised by people who know all the theory and run around ticking their smug little boxes before going home to relax.. Grrrrrr! And when you're doing your very best for someone who never showed you any affection..(my father was one of those) well, you just want to WALK OUT and to hell with them all!

BEING AN ANGEL IS SO DIFFICULT, BUT THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE. HANG IN THERE AS LONG AS YOU CAN, BUT I HOPE YOU GET A BREAK SOON, AND MAYBE SOMEONE OFFICIAL WILL COME ALONG WHO UNDERSTANDS. SURELY THERE MUST BE SOME?
 

Witzend

Registered User
Aug 29, 2007
4,283
0
SW London
That is rubbish about having to have water, not tea. I can only think the woman's got a major health-nut Thing about it. My mother has hardly ever drunk plain water, either. Her care home gives them all lots of small glasses of fairly weak squash, which seems to go down well, as well as lots of tea. just getting them to drink enough is the thing.
 

RobinH

Registered User
Apr 9, 2012
264
0
London
survey

Hi

Slightly related, a few years ago a close friend was admitted to a secure psychiatric unit, as she was very ill and a danger to herself. I was visiting and trying to keep things normal when a nurse/lord knows what came around asking my friend to do a customer satisfaction survey! I think even my friend in her state could see how rediculous that was. Tickbox policy is a real danger in all areas of care.

These people are taught to pay attention to the patient (not to their carers). Also most of them will know diddly-squat about dementia, in spite of seeing it every day. They probably think someone who can apparently hold a conversation doesn't have dementia.

I took my mum to a day surgery to get a tooth out recently. I called ahead to warn them that she had dementia, and the nurse said she couldn't possibly record this on mum's file. Why on earth not?