why am I going to the day centre ?

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by mivazo, Dec 5, 2004.

  1. mivazo

    mivazo Registered User

    Nov 26, 2004
    4
    Can anyone give us a reason to give my dad why he should go to the day-care centre ? He amazingly did come out with this coherent question after being there, but my mum lacked an answer. According to him there is nothing wrong with him, nothing wrong with his memory or head etc, there is no reason why he can't stay at home on his own, after all he has done this for years when my mum has gone to work. What should we say ? Just to clarify things, this is about the only time mum gets any respite. My dad cannot be left alone, he goes round to the neighbours, to the post office and even to the day-centre where he doesn't want to go on his day !! Fortunately he does know his way around the area and can go for walks safely. He does suffer from sundowning too. Thank you !
     
  2. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Dear Mifazo
    I cannot give an answer how to tell your Dad.
    I can however tell you how I handle a similar situation.
    Like your Dad my wife says there is nothing wrong with her at all,why do people need to come and stay with her when I am out?
    I tell her that I am worried about leaving her on her own,that she does have a memory problem like it or not.
    I also tell her that I am only concerned for her welfare and if she cannot accept some one staying with her when I am out,then I will never be able to go out at all,because if I went out I would not enjoy anything because I would be too worried about her.This way appeals to her better nature because she really is not a selfish person.
    It's worked so far,we sometimes get a question and answer session,but mostly it's ok.
    Hope this helps
    best wishes
    Norman
     
  3. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    If your Dad can help the people running the day centre, then you could try the ploy that they need his help. At a time when the faculties are slipping away but in the early times, it must be very confusing to be plonked in among a bunch of more advanced cases.

    If he can assume a role there, then that might help. People with dementia are generally very caring for others in the same boat.

    I have to say it didn't work for my wife, but then they threw her out after 3 visits because she was 'too disruptive'.
     
  4. Anne54

    Anne54 Registered User

    Sep 16, 2004
    147
    Nottingham
    When my husband first went to his day centre as far as he was concerned there was nothing wrong with him but the day centre needed his help he still thinks he works there he wares a self imposed uniform, woe betides me if I haven’t got his Mabon clothes ready for him to put on, I think he would refuse to go if he did not have the right clothes.

    Anne
     
  5. Kerry-Jane

    Kerry-Jane Registered User

    Feb 9, 2004
    25
    Surrey
    My mum insists that her one day a week visit to the Day Centre is her job - and although we tried to tell her otherwise, I think she stops herself from saying it now just to pander to us!! She tells us that she is helping the others there as she puts it "the little old ladies who have some problems"!!! Perhaps this could be a way of explaining it to your father?
     
  6. CraigC

    CraigC Registered User

    Mar 21, 2003
    6,630
    London
    #6 CraigC, Dec 6, 2004
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2004
    Hi mivazo,

    great ideas posted already. It's a really good idea to make your dad feel that he is needed and part of something. You will often find at the day care centres that 'visitors' help each other out in different ways anyway - so it is a kind of job.

    And give the day centre a more acceptable name that your dad would appreciate or identify with. "The Club" comes to mind.

    Hope that helps
    Craig
     
  7. Sheila

    Sheila Registered User

    Oct 23, 2003
    2,259
    West Sussex
    Hi all, I managed to persuade Mum that her expertise as a school cook was needed to help the staff. Also that because she had a few little problems with her memory it was important that she went to the classes to learn how to cope with it. Before long, she was , in her words "going to school on the bus" for the most part it worked a treat. Love She. XX
     
  8. mivazo

    mivazo Registered User

    Nov 26, 2004
    4
    thank you for your quick replies and suggestions

    I think the "club" or "social club" could be a good idea even though my dad has never been very sociable. As for having a carer come in so my mum could go out is not at all in my father's line of thinking, he would much prefer my mum to stay at home with him than for her to go out and enjoy herself ! He doesn't seem to understand why he cannot go everywhere with her, to friends', the shops, even the doctors. As for working there he replies that "there is enough to do here" ! He could undertake some kind of role in the centre, but what ? He cannot cook, but does like his food, likes sweeping leaves and re-arranging ornaments. Setting the table at the "club" could be an idea, but maybe it is not long enough to occupy all his time there.
    Thank you for all your suggestions even though some of them are not relevant to my father, they do provide food for thought. Keep them rolling in !
     
  9. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Hi all, like Norman I had to appeal to Lionel's lovely nature, and assure him that I needed to be re-assured that he was happy to do something for me.

    My grandson's call Lionels day centre his 'comedy club' and he delights in telling them of the various happenings. Most of which is in his imagination, but once the germ of an idea is in place, it seems to stick.

    I am hoping to get an extra day a week in the New Year, but nowdays I can appeal to Lionel, on the grounds that Bill or Joe or whoever would miss his company, that makes him feel needed. Keep smiling, Connie
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.