Who will care if I can't

yorkie46

Registered User
Jan 28, 2014
402
0
Southampton
I've listened to many ministers over the last few days talking about the vulnerable group at this time being the elderly and those with underlying conditions. Several interviewers have asked about social care but unfortunately nobody has answered the question or addressed the issue of sole carers of people with dementia. They seem to only think about those in care homes. I'm not saying that isn't important but what about the legion of unpaid some carers in this country.
I am terrified about the possibility that my husband, who has dementia and other health conditions, ending up in hospital yet again and not being able to visit him.
I'm equally terrified about what happens if I contract the coronavirus which is a real possibility as I go out to do the shopping. If I'm not able to care for him who will? We have no help from the local authority or care agency he does not have a care plan and was assessed as not needing any input as he can manage his own personal care.
Does anyone know the answers?
 

Kay111

Registered User
Sep 19, 2019
249
0
Hi @yorkie46 I completely understand your concern. I have no answers but there are so many in the same boat, some provision will have to be made I'm sure.

Would you prefer someone to help you with the shopping so you don't have to go out so much for a couple of weeks until you know more? If so, there are lots of local groups gathering just to help for things like this.
 

Vitesse

Registered User
Oct 26, 2016
261
0
yes, Yorkie46. I totally agree with you. I am in the same situation, as my husband‘s sole carer. We have no family and few friends in the locality, so it’s all down to me. i have raised this with my MP, because there is no mention of the physical (and mental) situation of carers. I suppose we‘ll get through it as we get through everything else.
 

Alex54

Registered User
Oct 15, 2018
352
0
Newtown, Wales
I believe guidance is coming in the next week
I bet you it will not be well thought out, too general and will not answer basic questions. These are difficult and complex issues and should not be left to a government official to document. Parliament should put aside party politics and bring in new laws to address the issues correctly.
 

yorkie46

Registered User
Jan 28, 2014
402
0
Southampton
Thanks @Kay111 . I do have my daughter who could shop for me or if they are working I can have deliveries. I've just stocked up well today so I'm fine for a while but will obviously need to get fresh veg, fruit and fairy products. I have already told my daughter that it may not be possible for her to visit or for me to have contact with my grandson,I normally take and collect from school some days. My daughter is a teacher so may be at home herself before too long! It's such a fluid situation. At the moment I don't need anyone to shop for me, I don't want to be confined to the house longer than necessary.
 

yorkie46

Registered User
Jan 28, 2014
402
0
Southampton
Well @Palerider I just hope they get on with it. I've read the guidance on what to do if we have to self isolate and most of it would be impossible in my situation. I have one bathroom, my husband couldn't clean it after himself, I do all the cooking, he usually helps drying the pots but I would have to stop that and it doesn't take long to deskill him! He insists on using cotton handkerchiefs so I'd have to confiscate them so he has to use tissues. There are so many more difficulties involved because of the dementia that anyone who doesn't have experience of it won't have even dreamt of!
 

yorkie46

Registered User
Jan 28, 2014
402
0
Southampton
I'm lucky @Vitesse that I have my daughter close by but she wouldn't be able to help with actual caring so it's back to the same old story, we cope because we have to.
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
6,344
0
Chester
He insists on using cotton handkerchiefs so I'd have to confiscate them so he has to use tissues.

When it's just the 2 of you in the house I think this is the least of your worries - and just leave him with his cotton hankies.

My OH (it's my mum with dementia) always insists on hankies - in general I personally think they have been frowned on for a while, certainly by our generation - use it bin it has been a solid message for a few years. I've stocked up on tissues but I'm guessing he will be working from home soon and wouldn't go to work if he had a sniffle so maybe I won't have to fight that battle.
 

White Rose

Registered User
Nov 4, 2018
679
0
I've listened to many ministers over the last few days talking about the vulnerable group at this time being the elderly and those with underlying conditions. Several interviewers have asked about social care but unfortunately nobody has answered the question or addressed the issue of sole carers of people with dementia. They seem to only think about those in care homes. I'm not saying that isn't important but what about the legion of unpaid some carers in this country.
I am terrified about the possibility that my husband, who has dementia and other health conditions, ending up in hospital yet again and not being able to visit him.
I'm equally terrified about what happens if I contract the coronavirus which is a real possibility as I go out to do the shopping. If I'm not able to care for him who will? We have no help from the local authority or care agency he does not have a care plan and was assessed as not needing any input as he can manage his own personal care.
Does anyone know the answers?
Many of us are in the same situation. If we get ill then there's a high risk of passing it on the our PWDs, but even before then we will have to continue caring despite being ill because who else could do it, we would be contagious so who could come into the home and no care home would take the risk of having the PWD. I'm terrified of catching it.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,918
0
Yorkshire
Its such a worry isn't it.
Was watching the news at mums today and they were talking about our country not doing as much as others and mum said we're always behind. I said what do you think we should do though ? Mum said well other places have stopped people going out. I said if they do that how do I get to you every day? I go on two buses each morning and hubby comes in evening after work for dinner and takes me home in car. I am getting quite worried about it. If we went in to a lock down type thing I'd probably end up staying at mums if I could get there in first place. I'd need to take loads of clothes, fold up bed etc with me. How we'd cope though I don't know as mum has barely anything in the house food wise. She had a cupboard full of tins and an overloaded freezer until recently but I threw them out as most were well past sell by dates and didn't see point in restocking them as she only eats same few things and we usually just buy stuff for fridge each week.
If hubby or I caught it we'd still have to go look after mum, which would put her at risk of getting it, but she'd have been exposed to it anyway before we knew we'd got it as I'm with her for about 9 hours every day. If mum caught it I'd have to go look after her too and hubby and I would have been exposed to it from her in same way.
Its all a big worry
 
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Lynmax

Registered User
Nov 1, 2016
1,015
0
I'd love to know what is being planned to look after people who still live alone but rely on daily care visits from family. My mums needs someone to do her shopping and cook a meal for her each day at the very least. We have recently started using carers three days a week to give us a break but they have said they cannot increase that during this crisis. So if me or my sister become ill or have to be isolated, there is a risk of mum not eating regularly. She gets much more anxious and confused if she does not see someone for a few hours a day, just popping in is not very helpful. The idea of leaving food on her doorstep is laughable, she confuses where to store food, often its crisps and biscuits in the fridge and milk and meat in the lounge cupboard!

And she is running out of toilet rolls and I have not found a shop with any!
 

charlie10

Registered User
Dec 20, 2018
397
0
Just popped in for a quick check on the forum.....I am so sorry you all have these worries. I'm a little 'distanced' from it all at the moment, not looking after a pwd and NZ is still at the beginning of this virus.....but I do worry a lot about my dad (94, lives on his own in UK) and my brother whose wife has Alz......a real guilt trip that I'm not there to keep an eye on them (I know, control freak, but you know what I mean :)). For many of you on the front line the stress must be enormous, and I send lots of love to you all and stay safe. xx
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
3,190
0
North West
Well @Palerider I just hope they get on with it. I've read the guidance on what to do if we have to self isolate and most of it would be impossible in my situation. I have one bathroom, my husband couldn't clean it after himself, I do all the cooking, he usually helps drying the pots but I would have to stop that and it doesn't take long to deskill him! He insists on using cotton handkerchiefs so I'd have to confiscate them so he has to use tissues. There are so many more difficulties involved because of the dementia that anyone who doesn't have experience of it won't have even dreamt of!
I am hoping they do make a speedy response. I read in the Times yesterday that this is going to be addressed. I am relieved of the responsibility now as mum is in a care home but I can appreciate how you must be feeling as is everyone if things go wrong in this situation.
 

White Rose

Registered User
Nov 4, 2018
679
0
And she is running out of toilet rolls and I have not found a shop with any!
There's a website called 'Who Gives a ****', an ethical company selling recyled toilet paper and donating %age of profits to building toilets for people in need. I got a box of 48 delivered last week.
 

Kay111

Registered User
Sep 19, 2019
249
0
@Lynmax I've heard from friends small corner shops and garden centres are better stocked with loo roll if that helps.