Who will be there for mum?

zippy

Registered User
May 24, 2007
11
Lincolnshire
Hi I havent been on for a while. Mum went into hospital for a while after having terrifying hallucinations one night. Finally mum was diagnosed as having vascular dementia. I have been so busy this summer - mainly to set up care for mum as I am going to university next week. I took mum to the hairdresser today and she forgot her purse - when I came to pick her up she was in a right state. I reassured her that it was at home but mum was really anxious. When we got to her house I discovered that mum had picked up the wrong bag. Mum broke down and cried and said "what is happening to me - what would I do without you?"I held her and cried too. When I got home mum rang me to say that she had had a lovely holiday and that she had just got back. I am worried that mum will need me and I wont be there. I am travelling to uni everyday as I have children at school but I know that I wont be able to see mum as often as I do now. Carers are poping in to make sure she has had her tablets - but is that enough? Mum is so vunerable she left her bag on the bus this week, she fiddled about with her gas fire, she gets food out of the freezer leaves it in the fridge for a couple of days and when I go to throw it out she says "Oh thats ok until March 2008"and then there is the awful nightmares and hallucinations. The thing that really upsets me is my sisters - I cannot believe how they are behaving. When mum was in hospital they were there every night interferring and when mum came home they all disappeared. I have asked my sisters for support but they dont want to know (one of them visits probably twice a year and then brings mum round to my house so she doesnt have to deal with it) the other one is deliberately awkward - I spent ages getting mum to have home meals delivered because of the problems with mum getting stuff out of the freezer and leaving it for days and she went and got mum a set of saucepans!!! She also buys mum really stupid hats and bags that mum would never normally dream of buying - its like she is taking the mickey. My eldest sister is great she visits once a week if she can and is always on the end of the phone for me. I am very close to my mum but she says I need to back off a bit and let mum get on with it but thats easier said than done when mum rings up all the time and when she needs support when shes upset. When I went on holiday this year mum emptied her tablets out and my sister had to ring me up to get it sorted and the awkward one took mum to the doctors and demanded loads of blood tests (which I had to follow up with on my return!!) It was then I discovered that my sisters didnt know anything about what goes on behind the scenes so I have decided to write a letter to all of them with all the appointments, medication, contact numbers so that if I am not around perhaps they could help out! What do you think?:rolleyes:
 

alfjess

Registered User
Jul 10, 2006
1,213
south lanarkshire
Hi Zippy

Great idea.

Let them deal with it.

Maybe your other sister isn't taking the mickey, just that her tastes and ideas are different from yours and if your your Mum gets a moments pleasure from the presents, what the heck!

Does your Mum have any carers or help. If not, maybe it is time to call on the help of SS or Alzheimers Society to see what help is avialable.

One thing I will say, if once you ask for help from SS don't wait for them to get back to you. Plague them until you get what your Mum needs

Good luck
Alfjess
 

alfjess

Registered User
Jul 10, 2006
1,213
south lanarkshire
Hi Again

On rereading your post I see that you have care in place for your Mum and your problem is with your sisters.

Unfortunately, we cannot force family or other people to care as much as we do.
It is still a good idea to write that letter, at least they can't say say they didn't know.

Alfjess
 

zippy

Registered User
May 24, 2007
11
Lincolnshire
I know you are probably right about my sister - she does tend to do all the fun things with mum. I sometimes feel like I dont have any quality time with her so I am probably a bit envious. :eek:
 

zippy

Registered User
May 24, 2007
11
Lincolnshire
Yes care is in place but only a quick pop in to see if mum has had her tablets and that everything is okay. I suppose I will have to monitor the situation as I go along and ask for more if mum needs it.
 

Nell

Registered User
Aug 9, 2005
1,170
68
Australia
Dear Zippy,
A letter to your sisters is a good idea. You can say that as you will be around less, it is a good idea if everyone knows exactly what your Mum needs.

I feel so sorry for you because my sisters are just wonderful and I am blessed to have them. I couldn't manage without them - and my Mum is in a Care Home!! :eek:

I'm thinking of you and sending you good wishes for University and for a good outcome for your Mum. As Norman would say, you can only do it "day by day".
 

Cate

Registered User
Jul 2, 2006
1,370
Newport, Gwent
Dear Zippy

Its sounds as if (and forgive me if it get this wrong), that mum sounds very vulnerable. Going out without her purse, losing her handbag, eating out of date food.

I think it a very good idea that you write to your siblings, and I don’t think you can overstate how vulnerable mum really is. I would suggest that they between them set up a visiting rota.

I would also consider contacting her Social Worker, as you already have a care package in place, you don’t say when this was last updated, for piece of mind I would ask for another meeting, and as Alfjess has already said, you may need to keep pestering them to get a response. I would also ask for an Occupational Therapist to do a home visit.

Good luck with your studies, I hope you are able to give them 100% whilst in the knowledge that mum is safe and well cared for.

Cate