Hi again
i hope everyone is well.
I was a long ti,me poster from 2014 to 2020 until i moved away.. I received loads of support from some lovely people here who did their very best to help me but my problem was never really resolved So I had no choice but to move for my sanity.
ive been apart from my very elderly mum for over a year, (I visit her every month) I had counselling, lost my relationship with two of my children but have won two of them back In my life. I’m working hard to be a good mother to them. I now realise that I have mental health problems which I’m working on but I’m happier now than I’ve ever been. I had severe depression whilst caring for my mum (I lived next door to her - there was no else to help me) . She has mental heakth problems - forgetfulness, delusions…senile dementia.
my mother refuses to see her doctor and spends her days sleeping and watching tv. She has given complete control of her finances to my brother 9although we are both lpas). Who seems to control evertyhing in our mums life. She has no care and relies on my brother who runs her life from his home, he calls her every week and visits twice a year,
when I dpesk to my brother he says that our mum doesn’t want or need any care (she’s 96!) and is happy for her to spend day affter day vegetating in front of the tv or sleeping. My mum is wealthy and has more enough money for care but he appears not to want to spend her money. For someone to call in every week to check in her, cook her a meal and do her rubbish.
I looked out for my mum from 2012 to 2020 with very little help or support with her refusing any outside support or help - the burden was too much for me but, for some reason no -one seemed to understand…except here.
I find it frustrating that mum has all this money which is not being used to make her life easier, when I see my brother I see my dad keeping my mum short of money. My father left my mum well provided for and I’m sure he would not want her to be in this way.
in august 2020 we had a major family meeting with my mum accusing me of wanting to take her money (I was trying to get my brother to agree to outside help!) and my brother threatening to call a solicitor to help my mum remove me as the other lpa. i caved in to save the relationsj]hip I had with my mum and I moved away.
now my brother runs everything (from call blocking on my mum’s phone and deciding what gifts mum devides to give to me. She is very wealthy and I’ll get an email from my brother telling me mum has made a gift of money to me. I’d rather she had care but I have no say in this, despite being the other lpa.
my brother says that he mums finances as our father would have but, as the other lpa I have no say, nor access to mum’s finances to srranhe outside help for mum. I just get told that this is not want mum wants yet she doesn’t know what day it is, mont or year.. It’s obvious she has dementia and needs help but my brother seems to be blocking any avenue of help for her,
overvthe past year mum has developed a large scab on her face and it looks like skin cancer to me and my two daughters are very concerned. Mum also hasn’t cut her toenails for years - they are very long - her feet are blue and cold. She is frail, unsteady on her feet, poor eyesight and bad hearing. After much persuation Mum agreed for me to contact her go to arrange a visit (she’s housebound) to her home. It’s taken a long time to build mum’s trust in me which seemed to have been destroyed. I was elated when she asked my opinion about her facial problem and agreed d]for me to speak to her go.
How has it come to this? how can my brother do this? be in charge of half a million pounds and not spend it on his mum? Or is it mums fear of doctors unher from my father? All I know that I’m ‘piggy in the middle’ trying to do the best for my mum.
I just don’t understand how my brother can see his mu like this and not realise she needs care?
ive messaged mums GP and will try to be there if mum gets a visit.
any advice or thoughts would much appreciated.
I did contact the Court of Protection but there is nothing they can do - suggested family mediation but my mother would not consider.
i hope everyone is well.
I was a long ti,me poster from 2014 to 2020 until i moved away.. I received loads of support from some lovely people here who did their very best to help me but my problem was never really resolved So I had no choice but to move for my sanity.
ive been apart from my very elderly mum for over a year, (I visit her every month) I had counselling, lost my relationship with two of my children but have won two of them back In my life. I’m working hard to be a good mother to them. I now realise that I have mental health problems which I’m working on but I’m happier now than I’ve ever been. I had severe depression whilst caring for my mum (I lived next door to her - there was no else to help me) . She has mental heakth problems - forgetfulness, delusions…senile dementia.
my mother refuses to see her doctor and spends her days sleeping and watching tv. She has given complete control of her finances to my brother 9although we are both lpas). Who seems to control evertyhing in our mums life. She has no care and relies on my brother who runs her life from his home, he calls her every week and visits twice a year,
when I dpesk to my brother he says that our mum doesn’t want or need any care (she’s 96!) and is happy for her to spend day affter day vegetating in front of the tv or sleeping. My mum is wealthy and has more enough money for care but he appears not to want to spend her money. For someone to call in every week to check in her, cook her a meal and do her rubbish.
I looked out for my mum from 2012 to 2020 with very little help or support with her refusing any outside support or help - the burden was too much for me but, for some reason no -one seemed to understand…except here.
I find it frustrating that mum has all this money which is not being used to make her life easier, when I see my brother I see my dad keeping my mum short of money. My father left my mum well provided for and I’m sure he would not want her to be in this way.
in august 2020 we had a major family meeting with my mum accusing me of wanting to take her money (I was trying to get my brother to agree to outside help!) and my brother threatening to call a solicitor to help my mum remove me as the other lpa. i caved in to save the relationsj]hip I had with my mum and I moved away.
now my brother runs everything (from call blocking on my mum’s phone and deciding what gifts mum devides to give to me. She is very wealthy and I’ll get an email from my brother telling me mum has made a gift of money to me. I’d rather she had care but I have no say in this, despite being the other lpa.
my brother says that he mums finances as our father would have but, as the other lpa I have no say, nor access to mum’s finances to srranhe outside help for mum. I just get told that this is not want mum wants yet she doesn’t know what day it is, mont or year.. It’s obvious she has dementia and needs help but my brother seems to be blocking any avenue of help for her,
overvthe past year mum has developed a large scab on her face and it looks like skin cancer to me and my two daughters are very concerned. Mum also hasn’t cut her toenails for years - they are very long - her feet are blue and cold. She is frail, unsteady on her feet, poor eyesight and bad hearing. After much persuation Mum agreed for me to contact her go to arrange a visit (she’s housebound) to her home. It’s taken a long time to build mum’s trust in me which seemed to have been destroyed. I was elated when she asked my opinion about her facial problem and agreed d]for me to speak to her go.
How has it come to this? how can my brother do this? be in charge of half a million pounds and not spend it on his mum? Or is it mums fear of doctors unher from my father? All I know that I’m ‘piggy in the middle’ trying to do the best for my mum.
I just don’t understand how my brother can see his mu like this and not realise she needs care?
ive messaged mums GP and will try to be there if mum gets a visit.
any advice or thoughts would much appreciated.
I did contact the Court of Protection but there is nothing they can do - suggested family mediation but my mother would not consider.