Who to contact first when you feel you have reached crisis point?
- Thread starter Helen10
- Start date
i liked little house on the prairie. i used to play sleeping lions at the end of a birthday party so the hyped up kids were calmed down a little before they were collected or take the balloons down from the wall and allow them to pop them all. that was what they wanted so i let them do it.
Molly Molly Mandy is social history to me. I remember reading one when I was young, thinking it was so old fashioned and not really appreciating how it showed what life was like in a rural community before I was born. It wasn’t until iI read them to my daughter that I had a re-think on them. I sometimes think all youngsters today should be made to read at least one of the books so that they can see how different their lives are and how life in general has improved for them, (Coronavirus aside).
I think that makes you a great mother and daughter. I doubt that will do your daughter any harm at all, quite the opposite. My husband was brought up in the care home for elderly ladies which his mother ran. He often had to get a bit involved with the residents. I think it can be good for young people to be involved in elderly people's care.
I don't think this makes you a bad mother at all. I think your daughter will grow up with more compassion and understanding than a child who has been shielded from the more difficult aspects of life. My own 7 year old never ceases to amaze me with how she is with older people and I think this comes from us living with my parents as she grew up. She saw them , warts and all ,and so isn't fazed by it now. When she hears my mother getting upset (as is the norm now) on a call, she will offer to talk to her instead of me. I hope that you are coping ok today. x
Mum has been very anxious and tearful all day. She has spent a lot of the day sitting with her head in her hands. At least she isn’t aggressive...yet.
I managed 3 hrs sleep but mum was up earlier than usual and wouldn’t settle. I have taken her out in the car and dad took her out for a walk but nothing has worked so far. I have also tried putting a church service on tv, getting her to ‘help’ with some tasks. I have just resorted to a PRN (think that’s what they call it) sedative for her but normally they have little impact and might give her 20 mins relief before she is back to how she was before medication.
Any other suggestions welcome.
Clinging on by my fingernails
Hxx
I managed 3 hrs sleep but mum was up earlier than usual and wouldn’t settle. I have taken her out in the car and dad took her out for a walk but nothing has worked so far. I have also tried putting a church service on tv, getting her to ‘help’ with some tasks. I have just resorted to a PRN (think that’s what they call it) sedative for her but normally they have little impact and might give her 20 mins relief before she is back to how she was before medication.
Any other suggestions welcome.
Clinging on by my fingernails
Hxx
hi @Helen10
sounds as though you are doing all you can
I would say that simply giving her space and quiet is fine ... it's not easy to see someone sitting like that, but if your mum is at least still and fairly quiet, then that's better than being agitated
maybe some soothing music and lavender scent in the air may help
I found with my dad that he was best left alone when he was extremely anxious ... I didn't speak to him and didn't move around him ... if I took him a cuppa or some food, I simply put it beside him, silently, backed away and let him be ... he simply couldn't cope with any interaction, it overloaded his system
sounds as though you are doing all you can
I would say that simply giving her space and quiet is fine ... it's not easy to see someone sitting like that, but if your mum is at least still and fairly quiet, then that's better than being agitated
maybe some soothing music and lavender scent in the air may help
I found with my dad that he was best left alone when he was extremely anxious ... I didn't speak to him and didn't move around him ... if I took him a cuppa or some food, I simply put it beside him, silently, backed away and let him be ... he simply couldn't cope with any interaction, it overloaded his system
Thanks @Shedrech-unfortunately she doesn’t allow you to leave her alone and constantly keeps pacing and telling me that she doesn’t know who this man is (her husband) and she has to get home and any other number of things
Hx
Hi @Helen10
If your mum has slipped in time to when either she wasn't married or when they were both young and had no adult children, she won't see the much older man in front of her as the young husband she's looking for... for any woman it would be frightening to have a 'strange' man in her space behaving in far too familiar ways (which he can't help as he knows they are a couple)... Having a younger woman there is less threatening and we do tend to turn for support to others who feel less challenging
Hard as it is to ask this of him, might your dad keep out of her way and behave more as a family friend, even call her Mrs xxx, so you can say he's just staying for a while to help you babysit the children (or something similar)
If your mum has slipped in time to when either she wasn't married or when they were both young and had no adult children, she won't see the much older man in front of her as the young husband she's looking for... for any woman it would be frightening to have a 'strange' man in her space behaving in far too familiar ways (which he can't help as he knows they are a couple)... Having a younger woman there is less threatening and we do tend to turn for support to others who feel less challenging
Hard as it is to ask this of him, might your dad keep out of her way and behave more as a family friend, even call her Mrs xxx, so you can say he's just staying for a while to help you babysit the children (or something similar)
Something that always soothed mum was a manicure - just a gentle filing of the nails and massaging some cream into her hands. It used to really calm her and often sent her off to sleep. I always had an emery board and some hand cream in my bag when I was visiting.
I hope you get a better night tonight @Helen10 . Jx
I hope you get a better night tonight @Helen10 . Jx
Thanks @lemonbalm. I did her nails yesterday and you would have thought I was pulling them out with tweezers!! Screams of pain and when I said why she said it feels like it should hurt ?
Thanks @Shedrech-dad finds it really hard. He is a very matter of fact guy. He finds it incredibly hard to play the role of anything else. I think that’s part of the reason we are where we are.
Hxx
No advice but totally agree with Starting on a journey.
I hope you get a better nights sleep
Thanks @Starting on a journey and @Bikerbeth
I have received so much support this weekend from the forum it has been overwhelming and has quite honestly kept me going.
I am far from amazing. I still can’t reconcile in my head that I can’t do better than I’m doing. Mum has been my rock for the last 43 years and to watch her crumble like this and not be able to offer the same support she has offered me is heartbreaking and makes me feel that I’m an absolute failure.
I thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for your care, concern and love for an absolute stranger. It will never be forgotten xx
I have received so much support this weekend from the forum it has been overwhelming and has quite honestly kept me going.
I am far from amazing. I still can’t reconcile in my head that I can’t do better than I’m doing. Mum has been my rock for the last 43 years and to watch her crumble like this and not be able to offer the same support she has offered me is heartbreaking and makes me feel that I’m an absolute failure.
I thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for your care, concern and love for an absolute stranger. It will never be forgotten xx