• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can be found in our area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

Who cares for the carers when they no longer care?

deejay60

Registered User
Dec 30, 2015
5
0
After 12 years of caring for my wife (Alzheimer's) Georgina passed away last August. We had been together for 55yrs and married for 50 yrs. A long time, but not long enough. For that 12 years I had a purpose in life, which has now been taken away from me. What has disappointed me is the lack of support for carers who no longer have that dedicated carer role. Apart from bereavement groups (which I do not require) there doesn't appear to be any 'organised' support mechanism post caring. All the carer related organisations seem to have no provision for supporting carers after their caring role has ceased. It leaves a big void in one's life and apart form coping with the personal loss there are the Mental, Physical, Social, Emotional and Financial (especially financial) issues that still have to be dealt with. It would be great if there was an on-line programme that provided support and information in one place ex-carers could access.
 

Maggiex

Registered User
Nov 25, 2020
10
0
I am so sorry for your loss. I have bene married for 54 years and now am a carer for my husband ( although we have lived separately for the last 19 years,,,, amicably. I have been a carer now for almost 3 years and had absolutely no support from anyone.... except getting his bins collected.... the carers allowance which does not cover the cleaner and gardener...... Wales GPs do not want to know....... the link worker does not either and social services assessment consisted of a 5 minute " you are doing fine ">
I hope you will get some support, for me the need is now and for as long as it takes so if you had support through it that is a positive thing.
 

Lilac Blossom

Registered User
Oct 6, 2014
579
0
Scotland
Sorry for your loss Deejay. My husband died almost two years ago and, like you, I lost my purpose in life. I had attended carers group for many years but now, as a former carer, nothing. I haven't heard of any bereavement groups here but would be willing to give it a try.

The wealth of experience here on TP is at our disposal and can be really helpful as people are speaking from the heart, sharing good and often not so good experiences, offering helpful advice and encouragement. An on line programme as you have suggested might be a good idea.
 

Loz18

Registered User
Feb 19, 2021
26
0
Harwich
Sorry for your loss deejay60.
I fully understand where you are coming from.
I lost my mum end of May and my dad 15th Dec. He had alzeimers. I was both my parents carer for a good 5 years. I was working but only part time. I was on 24hr call for both of them and was with them everyday. Mums death was a total shock and hard enough to deal with but I then had to move in with dad as he needed 24hr care. When dad passed away a 4 wks ago everyone then said... " at least he's with mum now so you can move on"!!!!!!!!!! Move on!!!..... I loved my parents with all my heart and if I could care for them again I would in a heartbeat. I miss them terribly..... But now.... I've gone from 24/7 to nothing..... And there doesn't seem to be anything out there to help come to terms with what we went through at the end with dad which was horrific. It's just a case of..... Oh well they're in a better place.... Together. Of course I hope that they are but I am just numb. Don't know what to do with myself as my life was so full looking after them.
It would be good to find an online for ex carers as you say.
If anyone finds anything out there I would really love to be part of something x
 

Thethirdmrsc

Registered User
Apr 4, 2018
563
0
Hi @deejay60 my OH has gone into a care home last month, and all the homes we visited said that there is no support out there for the families, when their loved either goes into a home or dies, and its so true. Apart from here, I have no one to talk to who understands how I feel. I am so sorry for the loss of your wife, I cannot comprehend the time you have had. We have only had 25 yrs, and it’s gone by so quick. Yes the finance stuff I find the hardest, and I’m only 62, but these companies I have to deal with are sapping the energy from me.
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
3,008
0
Hi @deejay60 no there is no support. My dad died almost 2 years ago, I looked after him 24/7 for his last year and a number of years before that, he was my responsibility as far as I was concerned so everything centred around him. It's like he died and I just went home, I arranged the funeral and that was it. The huge feeling of relief that I had because his suffering was over has gone and now I just feel lost with nothing to do. I got my life back I suppose but it was so final and a big shock even though I knew it was coming. 55 years is a long time, I can't imagine what that must be like and I have no advice, if I had I would take it myself.
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,799
0
I would love to be part of something too. I wonder if there could be another sectioning on the forum, as well as the dealing with loss one.
Could we have a section called something like
Coping when our caring roles have ended.
Sure you can come up with something better.
I belong to way up which is a widow support group and that is good, but we need a more general forum here to cover other relationships.
We could share feelings and ideas and resources.
Would you be up for it?
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
75,006
0
Kent
Hello @deejay60

It is tough when after years of caring we are left to get on with building our lives.

I`m similar to you. We were together for 54 years and managed to celebrate our golden wedding in the care home.

It will be 8 years tomorrow since my husband died and I thought I'd been managing to rebuild my life quite well.

Probably the effects of further isolation because of the pandemic have caused me to realise what I`m really doing is making the best of a bad job.

Life will never be as good as it was and just as I got on with life as a carer I have to get on with life as a widow.

What keeps my head above water is the realisation I still have a lot to be thankful for.
 

Forum statistics

Threads
122,421
Messages
1,793,390
Members
73,404
Latest member
Samson*