who can we talk to?


Registered User
Jan 20, 2007
Only a few day ago my grandad died suddenly from a heart attack. Up to this point he had been caring for my grandmother at home, who has had alzhiemers for a couple of years now. He did this without any help (his choice), although my mum would often help bathe my Grandma as grandad was finding this very difficult.

The family is so devasted by my Grandad's death. My grandma is distraught. She is in the early/mid stages of the disease and she is very aware of what has happened. She requires 24 hour care which our family can not provide her with however.

A couple of weeks before grandad had his heart attack, he had been unwell and we had to take Granny to a residential home until he got better. This is something grandad never wanted, but he had to accept that he was not well enough to care for her while he was unwell. We thought that grandad would get better and that he would continue to care for granny, as this was what he desperately wanted. Unfortunately, he died suddenly.

I'm so worried about my mum. She is grieving badly for my grandad (as we all are) and everytime she visits granny, she asks my mum to take her home with her. My mum hates to think of her mum being in a care home, but for us , there is no other way. My mum is finding it very difficult to cope with the grief of losing her dad and the emotional pressure of seeing granny so upset.

Are there any agencies my mum can talk to to help her through this difficult time?
Has anybody else ever been in this position?


Registered User
Aug 11, 2005
South-East London, UK
Hi Lilac,

I can't be of much help, I'm afraid, except to offer you my condolences at such a sad time. Losing your grandfather is bad enough, without the added worry of what will happen to your grandmother. I'm sure others on TP will be able to offer more advice. All I can suggest is contacting your local Alzheimer's Society branch for advice about your grandmother. They may well be able to offer support and/or counselling for your mother.

Please accept my sympathy for your sad loss.



Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
I do feel for your mother as I was in her situation when my father died, has you grandmother been diagnosed with AZ? Because if so tell your mother to contact social services so they can give her support with her mother , your grandmother , if she does not want her mother to live with her , they can tell her what option are open for her in caring for her mother your grandmother

They can offer her home care with care worker coming in to care for your granmother , AZ daycentre , if all that does not work all that is left is Nursing home or care home that may be all to sad to accept with the added grief of her father dieing , but at lest her mother will be safely cared for
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Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
Hi Lilac

Welcome to TP. I'm sorry you've just lost your granddad, you must all be grieving, and it must be so hard for your mum, having lost her father and having her mum in a care home.

Have you been in touch with your local branch of Alzheimer's Society? They can offer support in caring for your gran, and also may have someone your mum can talk to.

Failing this, there are two organisations who can help.

The first is Cruse Bereavement Care,


They're not just for people who have lost a partner, and they are wonderfully supportive.

The second is Samaritans. They have a branch in most towns, and again are very supportive. Again, they're not just for people who are suicidal, they are trained to deal with any problems.


Of course, you could get your mum to join TP! There are always people here ready to listen.

Hope your mum manages to talk to someone. It sounds as if she needs it


Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Hi Lilac, I`m so sorry your Grandad has died so unexpectedly, and in addition to the shock of his death you have such concerns about your grandmother.
While the family is still in shock, it is probably best to leave your grandmother where she is for the present. Is there anyone at the home who can help your mother.
Other than that, I`d take Hazel`s advice and contact Cruse and the Samaritans.
I do hope you get some help. Love Sylvia


Registered User
Jan 18, 2007
Hi lilac,

sorry to hear about your grandad. Your mum needs all the help you can muster. Sweetie it is very hard to lose a parent but the added difficultity of the other being in need of content carer will at this moment drain all the resource your mother has. Your mother needs to be given time to greave for her dad before she can deal with the other issues.

I know that she will not wish to do any of the things been suggested but this is where you come in you need to be strong for your mother and get her to talk to people before she make any decisions based on guilt.

I am not saying that any decision she make will be incorrect but time is required to make a balanced decision.

Sweetie I am not trying to make your life any more difficult then it is already, but unfortuntatelty the piped piper has played his tune, you mum although she may not ask for it needs you more than ever.

If I could hold you tight and stear you right I would


Registered User
Jan 20, 2007
Thank you for all the kind messages you sent me. I was amazed to get so many responses so quickly.

This is a very tough time for my family, but we are lucky to be very close, so I know things will begin to seem a little brighter soon.

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