Who can I contact for practical help in getting mum the care she needs?

[Megan M]

Mum needs diagnosis and care but will react angrily and not co-operate. Mum's memory has been getting worse for a long time and she clearly has symptoms consistent with Alzheimers. We have avoided seeking diagnosis up till now as mum hates her doctor and having dementia would be her worst nightmare. But now the situation has deteriorated. Following a bereavement mum came to stay with me and I was shocked at vulnerability and her lack of road sense or sense of danger. She resented me accompanying her to the shops to get the newspaper. Our relationship seemed to fall apart overnight and mum spent days shouting at me, telling me what a despicable daughter I am. She then went on hunger strike until she was taken home. Mum is now extremely vulnerable at home and a 2 hour journey from me and my brothers. One brother is taking her to the doctors today to initiate diagnosis. Mum will be livid...and more so when she finds her car licence is also being taken away. We have POA. We can't manage this on our own. Who should I contact for support?

 

[Bunpoots]

Has your mum had an assessment from social services @Megan M

Even without a diagnosis she's entitled to one if she has care needs and once she gets a social worker he/she should know what's available in your mum's area in terms of carers, daycare centres etc.

 

[Sirena]

Sorry to hear your mother seems to have deteriorated so much recently. Your GP should refer her to the memory clinic for diagnosis, she will probably also be asked to go for an MRI scan. The memory clinic may be able to offer medication. Bear in mind appointment letters will be sent to your mother and she will ignore them - if you can, ask for copies to be sent to you/your brother.

It's good news that you have POA. I know it all seems overwhelming, particularly when you don't live nearby. In terms of practical support, if she is self funding (has more than £23k) Social Services won't offer any help, you will have to organise any care yourself - but the good news is that means you can arrange whatever care you like via a care agency. That's what I did for my mother and it worked well as she was fairly amenable to accepting help. If your mother is under that funding threshold, social services will offer help - if she will accept it. They may offer the option of day care if that is available in her area, and in terms of practical daily care they will send a carer for short visits 3 or 4 times a day to help with personal care and meals.

Please let us know how she gets on at the GP appointment.