Who am I who am I

[mel]

"Sorry, this is not meant to be a 'woe is me' - far from it. I have made choices to fulfil roles expected of me.... and yet..... there is a childish voice inside me sceaming 'What about me????' - and yes, wouldn't it be nice to be 'me' - not someone's partner/mother/daughter/carer... but ME!!!!!! (Whoever she is!!!)"

oh Karen
That is exactly how I feel!!!

I'm 49,wife of 24 years to Nick
mother to 3 kids (17,!5,11)
civil servant for 14 years until I had my first child and gave up work to become full time mum
After having second child, took up evening work in an off-licence to help pay bills!
Gave it up when had my third child
When 3rd child was 4 took a job working three nights (11pm to 7am)in a 24 hour convenience store....did this for 3 years (tough going)
Changed to 3 day shifts at the same shop when youngest was 7 and I loved it....preparing to go full time when dad fell ill...
Gave it up to look after mum in march....
We were trundling along quite nicely until dad fell ill and died ....now I feel as if I have gone round in a circle....mum is as dependant on me as my children were....

BUT ...its my choice
Wendy

 

[DickG]

I so want to go to "ME" land where the only person to worry about is me, where nobody says "good old Dick he copes so well" whilst I am clinging on to my sanity by my finger tips. I know there is such a place because I was taught about it in my infancy - it's called "Never Never Land". Until then I will carry on like the rest of you "copeing", putting on a cheerful face to everyone except to all of you. Thanks for putting up with me, moan over.

Dick

 

[Tender Face]

Dick - 'Never, Never Land' is EXACTLY the place!!!! When do we all get to meet up there? - Wendy you are by definition the lovely 'Tinkerbell'..... me, that nasty piece of work with the mohican who just needs to be taught a lesson every now and again (but wants to be a 'good guy', really!) ... oh, but to have those custard pie fights and not be 'told off' for getting ourselves 'mucky'!!!! .... Williams, move over..... got a whole new cast waiting....!!! (And that nasty Hook could be someone from NICE!!!!)

Dick, cheers!!!! Custard pie therapy could be a whole new thing!!!!

Love, Karen (TF), x

 

[Margarita]

Dick
You remind me of this song

http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/mewithoutyou/iveneverbeentome.htm

When you said

I so want to go to "ME" land

 

[connie]

Hey, all you wonderful people out there - thanks for the replies.

Post was meant to be taken at face value, don't think I had a hidden agenda.
We all post about our loved ones, but never about ourselves, well not normally.

Look after yourselves whilst you are busy looking after others. Love

 

[wendy43uk]

thankuou

hi all after reading about uou all i t makes me feel someone else understands how i feel about how things are when i have a bad day with John friends can say kind things others say put him in a home as hes had his life its his illness not yores its my life that counts i should live it at 44 i ofton think yes its true johns been ill for 4 years now and its getting a sruggle cant cook clean up or find his clothes yes peopl;e are only trying to help . I went away fOR 2 weeks john went into a resorce home for two week s ,HE enjoyed it i was told but i felt guiltey but for once it was nice to put myself first . I DONT blame anyone for putting thire love ones in a home I will have to one day the day we all dread wendy

 

[PatH]

Who am I

Hi,
I'm Pat aged 63 married to Donal for 42years, have 2 daughters , 3 grandsons.
My daughters were a great support when Donal was at home but I must say my grandsons many times gave up going out with friends in order to help look after Granda.Donal has Ad now for 11 years. I am not good at sharing my problems with people so in the early years I kept all our problems with AD within our home(except obviously doctors and our family) I often wonder how we both survived the early traumatic years but we did. He is now in a specialised unit attached to a mental hospital for 4 years, and yes I'm riddled with guilt but it happened and I try my best to make up to him what I was not able to do at home. He is 50 miles away and hopefully within the next four weeks he will be moving to our hometown and then it will be 10 mins away.
I too am uncomfortable with the saying 'youre coping very well' because at times i cope really badly.
it helps me so much to read posts on this forum , and I am pleased with myself that I at least try to share with you all.
Pat

 

[Amy]

Hiya Pat,
Lets hope the move goes OK; I am sure you will feel a little better if Donal is nearer home. Thank you for sharing a little of your story - I appreciate how difficult it is for you.
Love,
Helen

 

[pammy14]

Hi

I'm pam aged 57 Husband 3 children 34,31,,22. Youngest lives at home oldest in New Zealand. 3 grndchildren nearby.
I look after my "big" sister 18 yrs older than me, I,m the baby of the family. came to live with us one year ago

Gave up my full time job and found one for afternoons only. She has deteriorated over the last year but I am quite organised having the same routine every morning dealing with incontinence feeding bathing dressing et,cs

2 days now in day-care and goes to respite for a week now and then.

I know she will go into a home eventually but am not now worried about it as last respite she did not want to come home as she thought she lived there.

Our lives have changed over the last year no going out without much arranging of sitters etc and not able to do much on my own as she always wants to come with me and when left with husband continually asks where i am- drives him sort of mad but he is very good as are our children.

Going out to work in the afternoons keeps me sane.

One thing this time last year i never though I'd be able to do the things I have to do now.

Best wishes to you all, the people on here give me such encouragement and useful ideas

pam.

 

[Canadian Joanne]

Hi gang,

I'm 52, married going on 8 years (late starter, that's me) to a loving, supportive husband, have 2 great stepsons & a sister I am oh so close to. My mother is 69 going on 2, diagnosed over 5 years ago, no longer knows me.

April 2005 I quit a demanding job. I had been at the firm for over 22 years but simply couldn't cope with my mother & the job - it was one or the other. Took a nice long rest of 5 months & am now working at a very pleasant place. I also took a 25% decrease in pay but oh well. My sanity is worth the money.

My mother is in a nursing home so it's not like I have all the worries and responsibilities other people here have. I do feel like a whiny baby when I read everything everyone is dealing with. I don't have the day-to-day issues. I salute all those who do and manage to mangle their way through.

I do have to make arrangements, pay her bills, get her taxes done, buy her clothes (and diapers now!) etc etc. I visit twice a week and have been fairly good the last few months of keeping the guilt monster more or less in check. I try and do the best I can even though on bad days (not too frequent anymore, thank God) I feel like I've been a bad daughter. You know what I mean.

Joanne

 

[Libby]

I'm 48 going on 34 - life is just passing far too quickly!! Married for 25 years with 2 sons aged 20 and almost 18 (party next month). Spent our Silver Wedding Anniversary in Jamaica earlier this year.

I have an older and younger sister and 2 older brothers and spent a very happy childhood on a farm. Spent a few years working in hotels which I loved, then went to Saudi for a couple of years. (Hubby got a job as a chef over there)

Been working in payroll for about 10 years now, and changed jobs about 3 years ago, to be nearer to mum and dad during the day. When dad was ill, I was able to pop to their house in my lunch break to get their lunches - I was the one to find Dad had died when I was worried about no-one answering the phone one lunchtime. (Still makes me feel so sad to picture him lying there with Mum in the bed next to him being angry at him for not answering her!)

Mum now in a home and after 15 months, she still hasn't settled, still wants to go home, still thinks dad has abandoned her, still thinks that no-one goes in to see her, still thinks that she's only been there the one day.

Hey-ho - life goes on.

Libs

 

[BeckyJan]

Who am I WHO AM I

What a lovely post and it has been good to hear from everyone.

I am Jan - aged 66 married now to David for 35 years - he is 77. I gave up a very good career to marry this fellow, the love of my life. We have two lovely daughters aged 28 and 33 (older parents!!), both now married.

David has AD and maybe VasD too - his deterioration over the past 12 months has been tremendous. I think he has suffered for some 6/9 years but hard to say. Now he can hardly walk but refuses as yet to go into wheelchair. He does know me (although occasionally asks if I am his mother). Photographs help him to identify our nearest and dearest family and friends.

WHO AM I now -- one of a faithful band of carers I hope. The unnoticed (until we get it wrong). I feel I am being tested to the hilt and I am determined to get through.

Thankfully I have some wonderful friends who support me tremendously, even if it is only to talk on the phone so that I can let rip sometimes. One thing about this awful disease it sorts out those who are true friends and those who are not - with surprising results. I manage to play golf once a week now (used to be 2/3 times) - a friend is in the house helping here whilst I am out - David thinks she is doing housework for me as he says he does not want a bl... sitter. Occasionally he old friends take him for a pub lunch but that is getting less frequent as mobility is a problem. Others just offer to have coffee etc with him whilst I go out for short spells.

We have just got one of those Carelink neck 'ropes' with red button should he fall. It was becoming a problem and I just could no longer get him up.

In the meantime I do everything else - he needs dressing, reminding about EVERYTHING and entertaining (he gets bored and frustrated easily).

Enough rambling on - so far I have managed and from other postings I know we have a long haul ahead. So I am still not sure WHO I AM BeckyJan

 

[Norman]

How can I know who I am,when my wife says to me "Who are you?"
Norman

 

[connie]

Norman, we know a little of who you are.

A very warm, caring, funny, obstinate, lovely, lovely man. Take care sweetheart.