Andrea, if, under similar circumstances my daughter cared and looked after me half as well as you have done your Mum, I would be proud of her. Crikey, you’re not my daughter but following your posts I’ve been proud of you, how you have supported your Mum through everything and especially these last few difficult weeks.
I know you hoped that moving into residential care was going to give your Mum some peaceful years but sadly this didn’t happen. I’m sure you are still thinking “What if I had been able to look after her at home for longer?”, well her dementia pushed her to go wandering, meaning a hospital stay was needed and the downward spiral from there. There was nothing you could have done to prevent that chain of events or possibly an even more traumatic outcome with major injury to her, so please be gentle with yourself. In the end Mum was cared for in what sounded a true “Care Home” with thoughtful and understanding staff both to you and Mum.
It will take some time to get your head around events and accept what has happened. My one piece of advice, that I found helped me after the deaths of those I loved, is to find a small “positive” aspect of what has happened and hold on to that thought. It sounds as though your Mum knew you were there with her to the last, holding your hand and your presence meant a great deal to her. That, to me, would be a little inner glow that you can nurture and remember in the coming months and years.
I think everyone on the board has followed your struggles with Mum’s dementia and admired your love and compassion, well done, love! The outcome isn’t what we all wished for you but sadly we are all aware of dementia’s reality.
Keeping you in my thoughts,
Carol.