Who am I ? I won't know myself soon!!!
- Thread starter annielou
- Start date
Many hugs @annielou - I heard that the noisy breathing is actually just the body relaxing a lot and not clearing the mucus as we do normally. It must be quite disturbing to hear but it's not an infection or painful. Wishing you continued strength and support at this incredibly hard time for you all.
Thanks for all the lovely messages and support they are all really appreciated. xxxxxxxxx
Mum died about 8 o'clock last night. I was holding her hand and was glad I was there with her, it hadn't been a particularly peaceful or easy time up to yesterday as mum had been uncomfortable and in pain and agitated a few times which has not been nice to see her struggle. She seemed to deteriorate and then settle again a few times so I'd been back and forth to home thinking this might be it a few times and worrying about leaving and not being with her but luckily I was, so I could hold mums hand and be with her which I am very grateful for.
The CH were lovely and mum had lots of visits from staff yesterday before their shift ended as they wanted to say bye to her too although as she had started to deteriorate and then stop and settle again a few times nobody knew if mum would keep going for longer or not. In the afternoon I'd been thinking that I might try coming home that evening as mum seemed to be stable again and seemed more comfortable as I wouldn't have left her if she was in pain or agitated again, but then late afternoon mums breathing had changed a little bit again. Mum seemed to be working really hard to keep it going steady as if she didn't want to leave yet for some reason and staff said it was like she was hanging on for something. So I started to tell her again how much I loved her and things like we'd be ok and didn't want her to struggle for us and things about her being with her mum, while I stroked her hair and held her hand and her breathing started to slow down then and I thought she might be getting ready to go into final stage. The care staff came in to check on mum and turn her then and noticed her slower breathing and her colour had started to change too. They thought mum might be nearing the end but as mum had kept going up and down they didn't know how long she would be or if was for certain. I sat down and held her hand again and mum gave it a little squeeze, even when staff came in to check on mum, say they were going home, new shift came in to say there and check me and mum, I stayed in the same spot and we didn't let go for two hours. I kept telling mum things I thought might help her feel better, that there was no need to be scared I was there holding her hand and her mum would be waiting for her, How much we all loved her again, we'd be ok etc. sometimes it felt like mum gave my hand a little squeeze and her breathing changed again a couple of times so I had a feeling mum was going to go that night. Then about 8 o'clock mum stopped breathing for a minute but then took a breath and started again for a minute, I told her I loved her and she could go be with her mum if she wanted and then she stopped breathing again for another minute before starting again. A carer came in them to check how we were so I told her I thought mum had stopped breathing a couple of times and was very quiet now so she went for nurse. Mum was breathing very slow and quiet for about a minute and then her eyes moved and her hand twitched in mind like and she stopped for the final time. I sat there wondering if she was going to start again but had a feeling this time she wouldn't, the nurse came in so I told her and she checked her pulse and said she thought mum had gone. I was still holding mums hand and we waited a few more minutes before nurse checked her again and said mum had gone. Nurse said she would go ring 111 and ask for DR to come and then after DR had been they could wash and dress mum ready for funeral director, she said I could stay as long as I wanted till DR came but didn't have to and she asked if I wanted to choose something for mum to wear then left me with mum for a bit while she went to ring 111. I gave mum a hug and a kiss told her a few things I wanted to say and chose her some clothes. Nurse came back and said sorry but DR could be 4 to 6 hours so I could stay with mum if I wanted or go home when I was ready. I thought of staying with mum till the DR came as I didn't want mum to be alone but I don't think mum would have wanted me to sit with her for 6 hours on my own. I'd said what I wanted to say to mum and like to think mum had already gone to be with her mum and wasn't really there anymore and then I thought that maybe knowing my mum she may have been hanging around keeping an eye on me while I was there so I decided to go home to be with hubby and sis so if mum was waiting around she could go be with her mum and relax, which is possibly the silliest thing anyone's ever thought but it popped in my head so I said I would go home and get hubby to pick me up. Nurse asked if I wanted her to leave me with mum till my hubby came and I said please. I told mum I was going to go home to be with sis and hubby and she could go be with her mum, told her I loved her said bye and gave her another hug and kiss before I left.
Mum died about 8 o'clock last night. I was holding her hand and was glad I was there with her, it hadn't been a particularly peaceful or easy time up to yesterday as mum had been uncomfortable and in pain and agitated a few times which has not been nice to see her struggle. She seemed to deteriorate and then settle again a few times so I'd been back and forth to home thinking this might be it a few times and worrying about leaving and not being with her but luckily I was, so I could hold mums hand and be with her which I am very grateful for.
The CH were lovely and mum had lots of visits from staff yesterday before their shift ended as they wanted to say bye to her too although as she had started to deteriorate and then stop and settle again a few times nobody knew if mum would keep going for longer or not. In the afternoon I'd been thinking that I might try coming home that evening as mum seemed to be stable again and seemed more comfortable as I wouldn't have left her if she was in pain or agitated again, but then late afternoon mums breathing had changed a little bit again. Mum seemed to be working really hard to keep it going steady as if she didn't want to leave yet for some reason and staff said it was like she was hanging on for something. So I started to tell her again how much I loved her and things like we'd be ok and didn't want her to struggle for us and things about her being with her mum, while I stroked her hair and held her hand and her breathing started to slow down then and I thought she might be getting ready to go into final stage. The care staff came in to check on mum and turn her then and noticed her slower breathing and her colour had started to change too. They thought mum might be nearing the end but as mum had kept going up and down they didn't know how long she would be or if was for certain. I sat down and held her hand again and mum gave it a little squeeze, even when staff came in to check on mum, say they were going home, new shift came in to say there and check me and mum, I stayed in the same spot and we didn't let go for two hours. I kept telling mum things I thought might help her feel better, that there was no need to be scared I was there holding her hand and her mum would be waiting for her, How much we all loved her again, we'd be ok etc. sometimes it felt like mum gave my hand a little squeeze and her breathing changed again a couple of times so I had a feeling mum was going to go that night. Then about 8 o'clock mum stopped breathing for a minute but then took a breath and started again for a minute, I told her I loved her and she could go be with her mum if she wanted and then she stopped breathing again for another minute before starting again. A carer came in them to check how we were so I told her I thought mum had stopped breathing a couple of times and was very quiet now so she went for nurse. Mum was breathing very slow and quiet for about a minute and then her eyes moved and her hand twitched in mind like and she stopped for the final time. I sat there wondering if she was going to start again but had a feeling this time she wouldn't, the nurse came in so I told her and she checked her pulse and said she thought mum had gone. I was still holding mums hand and we waited a few more minutes before nurse checked her again and said mum had gone. Nurse said she would go ring 111 and ask for DR to come and then after DR had been they could wash and dress mum ready for funeral director, she said I could stay as long as I wanted till DR came but didn't have to and she asked if I wanted to choose something for mum to wear then left me with mum for a bit while she went to ring 111. I gave mum a hug and a kiss told her a few things I wanted to say and chose her some clothes. Nurse came back and said sorry but DR could be 4 to 6 hours so I could stay with mum if I wanted or go home when I was ready. I thought of staying with mum till the DR came as I didn't want mum to be alone but I don't think mum would have wanted me to sit with her for 6 hours on my own. I'd said what I wanted to say to mum and like to think mum had already gone to be with her mum and wasn't really there anymore and then I thought that maybe knowing my mum she may have been hanging around keeping an eye on me while I was there so I decided to go home to be with hubby and sis so if mum was waiting around she could go be with her mum and relax, which is possibly the silliest thing anyone's ever thought but it popped in my head so I said I would go home and get hubby to pick me up. Nurse asked if I wanted her to leave me with mum till my hubby came and I said please. I told mum I was going to go home to be with sis and hubby and she could go be with her mum, told her I loved her said bye and gave her another hug and kiss before I left.
I'm so sorry to hear that news @annielou, but you have done your mother more than proud, not just over the last few weeks, but for the last couple of years with all your love and support you've given her.
Your lovely mum is now at peace, and free of the awfulness of dementia.
As my own dear mother in law says look after you. {{{{{{{{@annielou}}}}}}}}
Your lovely mum is now at peace, and free of the awfulness of dementia.
As my own dear mother in law says look after you. {{{{{{{{@annielou}}}}}}}}
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Please accept my condolences. You have supported your Mum so brilliantly right to the end. I hope you can take some time to process what's happened. Take good care of yourself
I am so sorry but your mum passed peacefully. Please take some time to rest now. Sending so much respect to you who has been a brilliant daughter and gone above and beyond so many times
@annielou , my condolences to you and your family too. I know how passionate you have been to support your mum. It was this time last year that my mum had her diagnosis and I spent hours reading your thread to try and understand what i might be faced with. I have followed it ever since and have been absorbed in your story. Your mum is at peace and I hope that over the coming months you will be able to find some relief too.
