Warning epic post, mainly for me to remember and get out.
Mums reviews was she is ok with meds. mobility, skin, sleep, she needs prompting with personal care, eats independently but mum is losing weight. She weighed 62.1kg on 27/8 (1st day) 60.3kg on 10/9 and 56.9kg on 5/10 CH said they would contacther GP about losing weight and not eating very well. SW asked if a dietician had been involved, CH said GPs tends to wait to get them involved until weight loss gets to certain level but would ask.
SW asked if mum showed any signs of anxiety or depression and CH said that she is on anti depressants. They said Mum appears ok when you see her. She does say she wants to go home but she is easily distracted. They said she is usually ok except when she gets bored. She is engaging with carers to a certain extent and engaging with some residents. She likes walking the corridors with a male resident but when she gets tired she just stops and doesn't want anything to do with him.
Deputy manager said he feels sorry for Mum because to look at her she looks like she doesn't need to be there and isn't as far on as the others. He wished there was something in between for mum. SW said council don't run to that and they'd need so many different types and people still wouldn't fit in them exactly, there is only emi and residential and mum has cognitive issues, she'd seen them when she'd met mum and she'd wanted me to leave and didn't know I was me and she needs emi.
SW asked me if we were looking at other homes or felt she was safe there and if we were at peace with it. I said we hadn't really seen her, only a short visit, but although she did still talk about leaving and my dad and was mixed up she was much calmer and easier to distract and from what CH had said she seemed more settled there than at home or in hospital. I told her I didn't like thought of mum being in a CH, didn't like not being able to see mum and felt guilt about it all but thought she was better with more people looking after her where she was safe. That we didn't really want to move mum but if she's not getting right stimulation cos others needed different to mum maybe would be better for her. SW said mum would still need emi and wouldn't find a home with others same as mum cos all have different needs at different times which I agree with. I told her bit about how mum was before she went in hospital and that I thought if mum came home she'd be back to how she was before and I couldn't keep her safe and SW said we shouldn't bring her home, mum couldn't cope and neither could I. I asked if it was still her recommendation for mum to stay in CH and she said it was.
On wednesday Deputy Manager of CH rang and said they had contacted mums gp to ask for referral to dietician because mum was losing weight. I said SW had told me day before. We talked about mum not eating and I said it may be her teeth cos they rub on bottom and had been before hospital. They are old and mum says getting thin but also I think with age and possibly losing weight they have got bit loose too. Also I'd noticed before she went in hospital that she wasn't soaking them as often and were brown and rough inside. I think it was another thing in mum forgetting her morning routine like showering etc and told him what used to do and how she thought still did it. So he said he would speak to mum and see if hurting as could be reason not eating and maybe they should contact a dentist but at moment just going on a waiting list. I offered to take her some bonjela but he said it needs prescribing.
We also talked about mum not eating in hospital cos she was upset and annoyed at them for keeping her prisoner and he said there may be an element of that. And about her losing over a stone in 3 months last year and had got scared to eat after a bad bout of diviculitis and I thought she wasn't cooking properly so I took over cooking for her and ate with her and GP found she was lacking allsorts of vitamins and gave her tablets too which after a while she got back to eating, stopped losing weight and put a bit back on. He said Gp may give her supplements then.
He said SW had also asked if mum was showing signs of depression and said what he'd told SW, and said but today mum seems quite flat. He told me same as SW that they felt sorry for mum because she didn't look like she should be there and was functioning more than others and he wondered if it was best place for her there. He said you go from a diagnosis of dementia while living at home to being in an emi home and they feel sorry for her. I
I said I thought part of reason SW said emi was because of mum wanting to go home all the time and although mum looks ok and can chat, most of what she's saying is mixed up. When anyone came such as SW, OT, MC mum would be fine and chatty but soon as it came out there was something wrong or she couldn't do something she would switch and get annoyed, say she did everything herself, I was lying, she didn't need any help and wanted everyone to leave.
He said she did look ok till started talking to her and realised she had problems with her memory. We talked a bit about how mum mixed things up and how she hadn't recognised me for a lot of the time, who she thought I was and wanting to go looking for me thinking I was a kid out playing when I was with her and it was getting so hard for me to distract her and stop her leaving so I think that's why she needed a home. He said he didnt think mum cud come home with a care package and they would look after her but just wished there was somewhere a bit more suited.
Today DM rang again and told me he'd spoke to SW and MC cos mum was really flat again and a bit teary, she said she missed us and also was worried she was forgetting things. He said it's hard cos mum is in early stages and still has awareness something's wrong and he's not sure if mum fits in there and if its upsetting her being there. He said they' been in touch with MC to increase her memantine. He said they can manage mum and don't want her out but were thinking what was best for mum and if she'd be better somewhere else. He didn't want me to worry. I said I do worry, it's all I've thought about since spoke to SW and him. He said they'd see how she went on with memantine and talk about it more at mums review.
I told him mum has days like this and gets down and some of reasons she gets upset, like thinks her mum just died, her and dad just split up, or she realises struggling remembering and says she is going mental and I told him some of the things I tell her and how I tried to cheer her up but didn't always work. Sometimes it's cos she is bored but can't entertain herself and said things I suggested and did and I said sometimes she would be upset and grumpy because she thought I didn't visit her anymore cos she didn't know I was me, or she imagined things that hadn't happened. Like she'd think my sister had rung and told her she didn't want to see her, or my dad had been in house, or I'd just left without telling her I wasn't living with her anymore, or things off tv or she'd read she thought we'd done. She wouldn't always tell me what was wrong, sometimes a matter of picking a bit till she did.
He said he didn't realise it had happened before he thought it was new cos first time they'd really seen her like this. I said she'd been like this for ages, last year it used to show more as she got anxious or aggressive but then she had sertraline and when happened after it wasn't as often and she was just sad. He said they hadn't really seen the aggression. I said she did seem more settled when I saw her and I wondered if it was memantine working cos she had only just started it day got lost and went in hospital, although it hadn't been working in hospital cos she was still agitated there, but I thought it might be working now or maybe CH setting working with people around all time and some of things that triggered mum had been removed such as cleaning, cooking etc. I told him about mum being anxious on her own and me staying with her for 4 months then sertraline helped the anxiety and I went every day instead. A bit about some of the things she couldn't do at home and ways she reacted when I tried to help and how towards the last week she was getting more aggressive and constantly wanting to go home, thinking I was a kid and not me and how she would tell me she thought our Andie didn't love her cos she hadn't seen her, would ring me after I left asking if I would come see her cos been on her own even though I'd been there all day. He said they hadn't known a lot of this and hadn't seen it so would see how she does on memantine increase and how things go and discuss it at review.
SW rang this afternoon to talk about it as she'd spoke to her manager after CH rang her. She was really nice. She said they still thought mum should be in emi, she hasn't got the cognitive abilities to be in residential home, mum wouldn't cope and neither could staff and I shouldn't bring her home either as neither of us could cope. She said it's out of their hands at moment but after CHC they will look at it, but they don't like to move people and don't think there is a place where people are just like mum. We talked about how people might react in residential care as they'd know mum wasn't like them and might avoid mum cos gets mixed up and can get upset and that isn't fair to mum. SW said CH haven't said can't manage mum or don't want her and if did they would have to give notice and then she would help us find another emi. She told me not to feel bad I'd tried my best looking after mum and we had done best for mum and tried to get her a place going on what we knew her to act like and we would get it sorted.