My sister rang the CH where mum is again today to see how she is. My sister has rang the last few times, I've not rung for a bit now, it's stupid but I've been really struggling with calling. I don't like phoning people, never have I'm useless at it and I always get flustered and nervous but first few weeks I was ringing home regularly to see how mum was. We were ringing every day then every other day at first but they don't say a lot and we don't usually talk to mum so there didn't seem a point to ringing every other day to hear same thing. It often left me still wondering what she really was like and doing and it wasn't like it was benefitting mum cos she didn't know we rang. If it had been benefitting mum then I would call all day everyday if it helped mum no matter how I felt. The last couple of weeks I've left it to my sister to ring instead of me because I keep getting upset about mum and every time I pick phone up to call the CH or even think about calling I end up in tears again. Then I get annoyed at myself for being so wimpy and leaving it to my sister who calls about once a week. I seem to be doing more crying now then when I was spending every day with mum looking after her and I cried quite a bit then. I feel so annoyed and disappointed with myself but still carry on being a wimpy cry baby most of the time.
Anyway the latest from CH via my sister, is mum is in a lovely mood today and seeming more settled too, she's had a good few days or so where she's seems to have settled in even more. They seem to be getting to know her as each time sis rings they tell her something that makes you think they've noticed. They said mum likes doing her puzzles and looking at magazines and does that often. I've been dropping off couple of magazines each week and took her a puzzle book a couple of weeks ago and sent two in with her case when she moved in. I thought I'd take a puzzle book every 2 weeks and a couple of magazines every week as she always enjoyed them at home and looks like still doing them now in CH.
They said mum has paired up with a couple of other residents and goes and chats with them and she also chats with staff a lot. They said she likes company, which is true mum does and it's what me and sis hoped mum would find in a CH. They said mum has been joining with activities more this week, they've been painting pebbles for remembrance sunday and some things for christmas and she's been joining in singing too
. She'd enjoyed the activities the few times she went to Day centre before lockdown so glad to hear she is joining in at CH.
My sister asked if she's been ok on her tablets and mentioned I used to stagger them cos sometimes made mum feel bit sick and wondered if that why mum not eating so well. They said they have to give them according to what GP puts on prescription and it says morning. But they said she's not been having any problems with taking them then or feeling sick. My sister said mum might not tell them if she was feeling sick as she wouldn't say in hospital, she told me and I told staff, they didn't change time though I think they put her on omneprazole for it. CH said she spends a lot of time with staff and they keep an eye on her and look out to see if goes quiet or seems uncomfortable after them and hasn't. I suppose they get used to what to look for same as I did, them probably more so as they have more experience of it and some residents probably can't say and they have to take visual clues so I find that reassuring they haven't noticed any problems with mum as I was worrying bout it. I did think was a bit odd said had to give them as GP instructed as mums memory tablets and anxiety ones come from memory clinic not GP and it just says how many a day and on one with food but doesn't state time of day. Originally though mum arrived with full prescription from hospital and I think they will have said to give on a morning as that's when hospital did it and I assume it is easier for CH to give tablets at set times all residents together than staggering them like I did and if mum is ok with it. They also said they're getting used to what sort of food mum likes now and so she is eating those a bit more so that's good.
Earlier this week the CH deputy manager called me to ask if me or sis had LPA for health and welfare for mum to give permission to take photos of mum to use on her care plan and medicine charts etc. I told him we don't have it so he said it had to be someone who did so he'd explain on the form why they can't do that. My sister mentioned it to person on phone today saying that we wouldn't have any objection and didn't think mum would either. Though if legally it has to be someone who has LPA then I don't suppose it will matter whether we agree or not but sis wanted to say we didn't object.
While talking about photos today they got talking about putting mums photo on their facebook page and sis said she wasn't sure, she didn't think mum would like her photo on. They asked if it was okay to put pictures of her artwork and things she did on and said sis said yes but maybe don't put her name and suggested another name as people who know mum would recognise it if put her name. They said if put any on would just put on post that said things like art work done by our residents without names. My sister think mum wouldn't like them putting her photo on facebook which part of me agrees with as old mum wouldn't want anyone to know she had dementia and was in a care home. Personally I'd like to see her pictures and videos of her doing things like the home occasionaly posts of others and sis said so would she really, especially now we can't see her at moment but we're worried what mum would want.
I'm torn because I think maybe old mum wouldn't want people to see her when she's looking less tidy and not as fit and with it and wouldn't want people to know anything is wrong with her but part of me wonders if mum would mind now. At first mum didn't want carers turning up at her house in uniforms and neighbours seeing them and thinking there was something wrong with her, at first they wore own clothes but once covid started they had to wear uniforms and I was worried mum would get upset about it, but she never did and would stand in garden with them and sit outside with them in uniform and never mention it, I think she'd just got used to them coming and didn't think of it but maybe she had just accepted it and stopped thinking so much if people knew or not and maybe now she wouldn't think about that if her picture was on care home facebook page.
In the past mum has had her photo taken and put in local paper along with a group she used to craft with, also at a craft fair she was helping at and at a local coffee morning information event and she didn't mind having photo put on facebook and in paper then, but then it was nothing to do with dementia or being in a care home so different I suppose. My sister and I have often put photos of us and mum on facebook and instagram, including one mys sister took of them and put on a few week before mum went in to hospital when sis came down to visit and mum has never minded that, though that is only for our family and friends I suppose. I think if I'd been asked I'd have said mum may not want people to know she is in a care home and has dementia but I wouldn't mind myself and if it didn't upset mum then I'd agree. And maybe suggest they could just say to her can we take your picture for facebook? and if mum says ok then do it but if she says no then don't.
I'm not sure if I'm trying to convince myself mum wouldn't mind cos I want to see her anyway I can. Even though a bit of me isn't sure I want other people to see mum looking different to how she was before and judge her for it because she's not as well presented or with it, but I know that's not mums fault, that's the disease that's doing that and I'd still love to see my mum especially if it's photos of her joining in things when I can't be with her. But I don't want to embarrass or upset mum.
