My sister text me last night and said she'd called CH and they said mum was doing ok and some of her things were now unpacked. She said mum was playing Mother Hen to the other residents helping them out. That mum was still saying she needed to go home but they were managing to distract her. They said mum was eating ok most of the time, they can sometimes persuade mum to eat a bit of toast at breakfast and some meals she picks at, others she eats fine and she's talking her tablets ok. I was grateful to sis for ringing as I'd been upset and weepy and didn't want to cry on the phone to CH.
It was good to hear at least some of mums things had been unpacked, not sure who by if it was by mum or them, but hopefully they might manage to get a few things washed a bit easier now. The bit about mum being a mother hen to others is very like the old mum, she loves to be helpful and look after people. Of course now she wouldn't pick up on whether they wanted her help or not, or if she is doing right thing and possibly mum thinks she works there which could cause problems too, but at least she wasn't being nasty to them as she really wasn't very nice about some of the other patients in hospital. The other day when I rang they said mum was eating ok which I was reassured by cos I ad been worried about it as mum hadn't been eating much in hospital, but it was slightly different when sis rang yesterday as she said her eating was mostly ok, but still not too bad. We were both surprised about the toast for breakfast though cos Mum hasn't eaten breakfast for most of her life. She usually just has a cup of tea and 2 or 3 hobnobs as she can't stomach much first thing on a morning. That's why I used to give her her galantamine tablet with lunch as it has to be taken with food but it made her feel sick if she took it with her breakfast as she hadn't eaten enough. In hospital they gave her all her tablets together in morning. I told them it makes her feel sick and they said she'd been fine, but mum wouldn't have told them if she felt off it as she thought they would use it as an excuse to keep her there longer. She told me one day when I was visiting that she felt sicky so I told nurses again about tablets can make her sick as doesn't eat much breakfast and after that they gave her omneprazole to help and still gave her tablets altogether at breakfast. By the sound of it the CH is doing same so that and being upset could be reason mum is sometimes picking at some meals.
My sister sounded quite positive about CH call last night and overall it was mainly positive news so I felt a bit better, but then my sister messaged me this morning saying she rung CH again this morning to speak to deputy manager. She said she wanted to see how he thought mum was doing as woman on phone yesterday had said something about mum not being as advanced as some of the others and wondering if it was right place for her. Sis hadn't mentioned anything about that last night in her message but sis was probably trying to be positive for me as I'd been upset and she does tend to summarise things quite briefly, but it must have bothered her and she decided to ring again today.
Deputy manager said today that mum had been wanting to help the others but they had to try and kerb her enthusiasm. He said he could see where other person sis spoke to yesterday was coming from but thinks the trouble is that mum seems quite switched on, but she isn't really and she doesn't recognise that in herself, she's really quite confused and stuck about 30 years ago. He said they will monitor her closely this week and let us know.
So now sis and I are wondering if mum would be better somewhere else and may need to move. I'm also wondering if when we have best interests meeting with Nhs SW and mums council SW if they'll suggest her own home and carers, or another home but not an EMI home like this one. We want mum to be in right place where she is happiest she can be and safest she can be, but aren't fond of idea of her being moved again as will only upset and confuse her again so its not great if say she needs to.
We went for this home because at mums first ever assessment with the first SW she said if mum went for respite to look for EMI home as mum would need the extra security and level of staff to cope with her wanting to leave and not thinking there is anything wrong with her. The second assessment the second SW didn't mention EMI and when sis asked her why not, SW said she thought it might put mum off to be with people more advanced than mum as mum wasn't that bad really. She had been quite dismissive about mum during assessment visit so we thought she was just saying that as thought mum was much better than we thought. The third assessment with third SW she said mum would probably need EMI home and that we should tell any CHs we contacted about mums most challenging behaviour. How mum wants to leave to go home and gets upset and angry when people try to explain she can't and how she gets when someone says there is something wrong with her. When we explained that to one of other homes sis had contacted while mum was in hospital they said they couldn't take that behaviour and suggested an EMI home and named the one mum is in. The hospital told us for their assessment they would put mum in any home with vacancy that said could take her for which might not be EMI as they go for cheapest but when we said this home had a vacant place and didn't require top ups above LA rate they said they would try for that home as sounded like mum would be better there as she kept trying to leave hospital and mums LA SW had said she thought she needed to go there and didn't want her to have to move after assessment. So we thought it was right place.
My sister and I don't know what stage mum is at and what level of care mum needs, we're not trained, we just went on what we were told to do and say. The SW never got to actually finish a proper assessment of mum as mum got annoyed, upset and wouldn't continue once I was asked a question and told the truth rather than mums version and each time they tried to talk to mum at hospital she got annoyed and upset after a short while too so they had to keep leaving it and coming back later, which they said was an indicator itself. They never said what level she was at or what level of care she needed and that this home might not be right, but then that is part of reason she was sent to CH to get a more complete assessment of her needs so I suppose it wasn't final decision and more assessing was to be done before it was made.
When I looked at pictures of CH on facebook most in the photos do look like may be more advanced than mum, I know some are incontinent and need help feeding and getting around which mum doesn't. I did wonder if the activities they did would be a bit under stimulating for mum if others are more advanced than mum but with only photos to go on, and they weren't photos of all residents cos usually just of same few and they have more residents than shown, so we couldn't really tell and weren't able to compare mum to them properly.
So now we'll have wait and see what they think after monitoring her this week. Now she is in proper part of home mixing they will probably be able to get a better idea of her and assess her a bit fuller I hope. If they decide she's not in best place then we'll have to find mum somewhere else if they say still needs a CH but not this one. Nothing just goes smoothly and easily does it,