This is a copy of email I sent this morning to social worker
This is Andrea -, --s daughter.
I know my sister has contacted you but I’m not sure if she told you exactly what has been happening as we didn’t get time to talk much because she was rushing to set off down here.
I can’t keep my mum safe any more she needs full time care after yesterdays crisis and I can not be the person to provide that as mum won’t let me stay with her 24/7 even if I was able to manage it. Which I no longer am able to, I can not cope any longer. My mum is at risk and vulnerable and needs full time care and she needs it urgently as yesterdays crisis has proved . She won’t agree to to it if asked as she has no proper understanding of what is wrong with her, what help she needs and what happens if she doesn’t accept help, she does not understand the consequences of her decisions, she is unable to make an informed decision. The only help she will say she will accept is from her daughter Andrea who unfortunately no longer exists as I’m not her the majority of the time to mum now, the only other person she would accept is her mum, which as her mum died 46 years ago that is not an option, though mum thinks it is.
Yesterday mum was extremely confused and agitated as she has been all week, she has made serious attempts tried to leave the house everyday for the past week and yesterday teatime kept trying to leave the house to go home. She would not listen to anything I said in attempt to convince her to stay, I tried distraction, going along with mums reality and trying to redirect to keep her there and also explaining reality but nothing worked, it has been getting increasingly difficult to do over the past few weeks but this past week has been horrendous. Yesterday mum would not let me stay there and said she would leave if I wouldn’t. I tried to stay but she kept trying to get out of the house. I tried to stand in front of door and talk her into staying and she pulled me out of the way shouting at me. She wouldn’t have any dinner and I could not calm her down and she was getting more and more agitated with me saying unless I left she would. So eventually I had to leave as I could not calm her down and she was going to leave if I didn’t, I hoped that talking to her on phone which sometimes helps as she sometimes she still recognises my voice on the phone. My sister rang while I was on my way home and I spoke to mum on the phone when I got home at 20 to 7 and she was still confused saying she was going to go to her mums house and her own house she lived at with my dad, but after a while I thought I had convinced her to stay where she was and have a sandwich for tea and I would ring in an hour after I’d made hubby some dinner. I rang at 20 past 7 and there was no answer, so we went over to mums and she had gone, locked the house and there was no sign of her. All she had took with her was her keys a puzzle book and luckily her address book. I called the police and they sent cars to places we thought of.
A woman from a street we used to live at in my teens called just before 8 and said she thought she had my mum, she had seen mum on the street and managed to get out of mum that she had a daughter andrea and she found my name in mums address book. When we arrived mum was sat on a chair with people around her and the police had just arrived. She had no idea where she was and why she was there, she still thought I was her friend. The people on the street told me that a black car had pulled up and mum got out. They didn’t hang around but told them they had seen mum crying and walking up and down and bleeding on her face and offered to help she said she lived on ---road and had been to drs. Mum was looking for her house but didn’t know which one it was she was sobbing bleeding and confused.
The police told us to take mum back to her house and they would follow us there. They were concerned about mums safety not just that she had gone out alone with no idea where she to go, but also that she had no recollection of how she fell or where, and also the safety risk of mum accepting a lift from complete strangers who although had actually been trying to help, mum had not understanding of the risk of getting in the car and we were lucky she had been helped by good samaritans rather than people who could have taken advantage of her confused state. Mum still did not think she lived in her house and still was asking about getting home to her husband and daughter and also wanting to go home to her mum. The police called again for an ambulance as they were concerned mum had bumped her head and face and thought they warranted a check, the was so confused, but on hearing it could be a couple of hours suggested we take mum to a&e.
Mum has superficial cuts and grazes to her hands, arm, forehead and knees and quite a large one down length of her nose. In a&e yesterday mum was constantly talking about going home to her mum, thought I was her friend and had no idea why we were in a&e, she couldn’t remember where she had been going, or why, or what had happened. The Dr in a&e were concerned that she would not be safe if they sent her home and she had slightly raised infection markers so they admitted her. Mum could not understand why she was staying there.
The Dr from mums ward has called and there is no significant cause infection wise that could be causing her confusion. As it’s not an infection that will clear and mum will be less confused soon once she gets over infection I can only assume this her normal now as it has been for past few weeks and I can no longer keep her safe and in her home.
Mums has been increasingly trying to leave and go home to her house she has attempted it every day for the past week. I have up to yesterday just managed to keep her there and safe but now a crisis has happened and if she returns home this will happen again. I can not prevent she needs professional full time care.
Mum still thinks she lives with my dad, her mums house, or has been trying to go out to find her young teenage daughter who is out playing, which is me. She has been getting up to leave and talking about leaving every day while I have been there and also while carer was there on Tuesday. The carer had to call me to go over and it took the 3 of of us an hour to convince mum to stay and have her dinner and then my husband and I stayed until just before 9 when the door sensor was due before leaving. It did actually activate and we had to turn round to go back as mum wasn’t responding to their calls but she did go back in few minutes later and say she had been sat outside trying to cool off. Then she rang me and my sister multiple times till after 11 pm asking where we were, where her kids were, where her mum was and saying she needed to go home to them. She has been calling multiple times a night when I have gone home most nights asking a variety of things. She thinks its her mums house my uncles house, she wanted to sleep on sofa because she saw a man with my uncle and thought he lived there and she couldn’t she thought my dad lived there, all of which she has not seen but to mum are very real. She has said a few times she thinks its her mums house and her mum isnt in, our andrea has gone out she needs to find her, a young girl she’s not sure who has been but left and she has probably gone to her other house so she is going there to find her, my sisters young boys who are all grown up were there, there have been so many scenarios that are confused, multiple ones at once. My husband and I have driven over to her house a few times this past week and parked below her house to watch the door as she’s been so agitated and confused on the phone wanting to leave that we felt there was a real risk she would go out but we daren’t go in the house as that would make her more confused as she doesn’t recognise me.
She has left her house and gone out now and we are extremely lucky that she wasn’t run over, had a serious accident, or picked up by someone who took advantage, if mum is returned home I can not prevent this happening again. I have done my best to prevent this but as yesterday shows I am no longer able to do that. She is a vulnerable person and needs care that I can no longer provide I keep being told mums best interests have to be considered and her best interests now are that she needs full time care. She is not safe at home, she doesn’t understand what is wrong with her and says she doesn’t want to go in to a care home, she doesn’t understand why she would need one or what happens if she stays at home, honestly it’s not what I want for either which is why I have given up my own life to try to care for her but I am unable to continue her needs are now too much for one person who she doesn’t recognise, it’s not what we want but it is what mum needs now. Surely someone has a duty of care to look after her.
SW rang me and very forcefully told me she agrees mum needs care and wants us if mum is discharged to take her straight to a respite home without taking her home. If she goes for respite they will be able to keep her there she won't be able to say she wants to go home and them just send her home. They'll have to contact SS ans MC and they will say she can't leave and will have to find another place for her. So it seems if she does go into a CH she will be staying in. The SW said she didn't want us to bring her home today. But we do have to do it unless hospital do.
Dr rang late morning and said she was medically fit to leave but I told him I cant keep her safe, a little of why and that MC and SS think should have care but SW say haven't got enough evidence yet. He said he'd go away and look into it and ring me later.