Thanks
@Starting on a journey @Sarasa xx
Sis emailed and SW said we still need to get her into a home, then she will come out and reassess her and confirm her for full time care. Needs to be before september, she needs to close case then. Said she was really sorry we're having a terrible time and mum really needed care but her hands were tied. So it seems SW still not able to act..
Today went downhill too. Mobile rang 17.19 was carer almost whispering, can you ring your mum, I said is she bad? and carer said bad. I rang mums, mum answered. I said hello mum its me andrea are you ok? Mum said I'm coming. I said Coming where? Mum said Home to my house, where I live with W (my dad) and if he's in I'll tell him to ****** off and if he's not in he wint be getting back in so I'm coming love. I said I'm not with W. Mum said I know you're not but I'm going home. I said Stay there mum you're living there now. Mum said I'm not I only came to do some work I'm going back to mine and Ws house. I said You don't live with W now you said earlier you were going to stay there now cos preferred it. (we'd talked about that in her many muddles this morning, she would stay there cos better than being with W) Mum said I didn't. I said You did you don't live with W now. Mum shouted I do! I'm going now! I panicked and said You don't mum you split up years ago, he's dead now. Mum said Who's dead W? I said Yeah. Mum say No he didn't. I told her He is mum you split up years ago and he died few year ago, you're not with W now so You can stay there. Mum said I know I'm not with W now, I mean HIM, him I live with not W. I tried explain She lived there now so cold stay there and mum shouted Oh Andrea don't start I'm up to here with it I'm going home! I said Well stay there and I'll come and take you up there. Mum said I'm not a baby I can go on my own! I said I know but it's a long way up there and its really hot, you don't want to be walking in this heat and so far so let us take you. Mum said Well how long you gonna be? I said Not long only bout 1/4 of an hour. Mum said Ok then but then I'm going home.
Luckily hubby had finished work officially at that time though he was still working but he was able to take me over. I just left everything as it was apart from turning plugs off on fan and iron and we went over to mums. Mum was sat next to carer and carer was touching mums hand trying to calm her down. Mum had her shoes on, had got her cardi out and had turned tv off. I said hello and mum said straight away she was going home. I said let us have a minute cos its boilling in car. Mum got up turned fan off and was shutting blinds and curtains and locking back door and then stood in room with keys in her hand and puzzle book ready to go. We tried all sorts to put her off saying it was hot so could we put fan back on to cool down, traffic was bad so could we wait a bit. Tried going along with it and suggesting mum stayed where she was and left W in other house, tried saying that's what she decided earlier in day, she preferred this house. Mum was really agitated kept saying no to everything and she wanted to go before he went out to pub so could tell him to go. I said He's not in, we drove by and it looked in darkness nobody was in. Mum asked if we'd seen him I said no he wasn't there, didn't look like he'd been there for a while so may have already gone. No need rush cos he wasn't in so why don't we stay here.
Carer had said mum wouldn't have any dinner so I suggested we stay and have dinner here but she said no, I want to go check. Had he had any dinner? I said He wasn't there. Mum said Bet he's gone to pub. I want to go now are we going? We kept asking can if could put fan on cos we'd been boiling in car and carer was melting. Mum said just kept saying No she wanted to go home. We said why don't we stay here for dinner and go later. Mum said No I'll have my dinner at home. Told her it was melting in car and traffic busy we could just wait a bit. She kept saying No or Are we going. I said Just let me have five minutes with fan on mum its so hot I feel yucky. She said Oh go on then put it on. I put fan on and she started asking again if W was in and if had dinner and saying she was hungry and wanted to go for her dinner. We kept saying why don't we have it here and then go then cos we're hungry and it'll take ages in this traffic. Carer hubby and I kept trying and eventually half an hour after we arrived mum sat down again and said Ok then we'll have dinner and then go.
I went in kitchen and put it on straight away. Tried to talk about what having and heat to get mum of subject of going. Mum still kept saying she was waiting go and when are we going I want to go get my dinner. I kept reminding her I'd put dinner on and we were having it here first. I went to check on dinner and carer came in on pretext of asking what making and she apologised about ringing me and me having to come back. I told her I half expected it she's been like this for days. She said she really tried to calm her down and distract her but just couldn't, I said I know you would have, I get it, it's terrible. We had little chat about how mum had been lately and I told her how worried we were about her going out looking for me as kid, or her house, etc and how hard it is to convince her to stay put That she was mixed up much more of day now in fact more or less permanently. I told her little bit of what SW said and OT and new tablet starting tomorrow. Hubby had sat next to mum in room and got her chatting and managed to get her to put keys and puzzle book down and let him put tele on, so she didn't hear us or notice we were both in kitchen and kick off. Mum did ask what doing couple of times first time carer said asking what making and second time I said she was hot and wanted to stand at back door for some air so I got keys and unlocked it and we stood on steps for few minutes before going back in room before mum got snappy.
Carer stayed a bit longer trying to chat with mum and us and showed mum and us some photos on her phone of garden and we all tried to get mum to settle down. I'd told carer when I arrived and also in kitchen that she could go now we were there it was ok, but she stayed till her usual 6.30 time bless her. Mum was much calmer when we'd gone back in room and less shouty and angry than she had been first half hour we were there, though she still kept saying she was going back home after we'd had dinner.
She calmed down more over dinner and we reminded her man was coming tomorrow to mend her loo and we said You'd be better off staying here cos got to come back tomorrow. Mum said Oh I'll have to come down early then just in case, We managed to convince her that it be better to just stay there cos it seemed silly to go home and come back. She said Ok I think I will but my mum will be mad at me. I'll go back next day though. She'd been on about going home to her and Ws house up to then but now was her mums, we didn't say anything. She took her shoes off cos feet hot so I got up and put them back in bedroom and fetched slippers quick in hope settle her more. We kept chatting about tv programme and things and each time she mentioned going up home we reminded her better to stay cos coming fix loo tomorrow. We suggested cup of tea bout 1/4 to 8 when she looked thoughtful and bit fidgety and kept being upbeat and not mentioning anything about houses or my dad or her mum.
We waited till 1/4 to 9 and then said we were going home and I'd come back in morning before loo man came. She said ok and waved us off moaning about heat.
We'd just got on our street when my mobile went, mums door senor had gone off and they couldn't reach her over box or by phone. I said We've just left her a bit ago so we'll turn round and go check on her. I wondered if mum had spotted neighbour while she was at door waving us off or if she might have sat outside on her bench to cool off or if she had gone looking for someone or somewhere. I kept ringing mum on way back there but got no answer, one time I rang and we were half way back there, as phone was ringing a voice came on saying please hang up an emergency call is coming through. I told hubby I bet sensor gone off again and its box triggering to ask her whats matter, so she might have come back in. I gave it a minute and rang mum again and she answered, Mum said she'd sat outside on her bench cos warm but it was as warm outside so come back in and box was talking to her. I said Yes they'd rung me to say couldn't get you. Are you going to lock up and stay in now? and she said Yes love. We said see you in morning and night night. Just as hung up controller called me back and told me mum was back in and what she'd been doing . I told her we'd just talked to her and thanked her. Hubby and I came back home.
Mum rang house phone at 9.21 Are kids with you? Are they at your house? I said Yeah we're all in we're ok. Mum said Are they at your house our (my sister ) and our andie? I said Yeah they're here we're all ok. Mum said Oh good thanks love, ok I'll see you tomorrow. then we said night.
Rang again 9.25 saying I can't work my phone, talking about green and red lights being on. I didn't know if meant on lifeline box or her phone base unit and as she was on phone I wasn't sure what was working. It took bit of questioning but think she noticed the number for answer machine messages flashing cos I'd left a message and possibly lifeline had too and she meant the little power indicator light and answer phone on lights. It took a few goes at explaining it was ok they should be on its fine before mum said Ok love. Then she asked Are kids there? I said Yeah, mum said Have they gone to bed? I said Yes. Mum said Its a bit early int it. I said They were tired and its hot so they went, we might go soon too. Mum said It is hot isn't it and it's tiring. I said Yes so think we'll go too. Mum said Ok then love night night.