OMG Mum kicked off at me and carer this afternoon and wanted us both to leave, shouting at us and opening door for us to go.
It happened because I was talking on my own to carer cos she'd asked about weekend visits for tablets. I took her in kitchen to show her where box and tablets were, I told mum it was just in case she ever had to give mum tablets I was showing her where they were, and mum didn't seem too bothered. She was looking through knitting needles and patterns and din't take much notice. Carer realised that there wasn't a drug sheet in mums folder cos they've never done drugs at mums before so went out to look in her car for one. Mum was sorting through knitting needles and busy so I said I'd pop out check if carer was ok. Thinking I could have little chat in private.
I was trying to tell her quickly why we wanted them to come at weekends, just for tablets and that she's been wanting me leave when I go on weekend mornings but was better later on so we're hoping to avoid confrontation. When we came in mum asked if we'd been talking about her and we said No just looking for a sheet and carer made joke about seeing a good looking fella for mum and mum laughed. I followed carer in kitchen saying needed wash my hands now been outside.
Carer was filling sheet in and making note of number for combination and I was showing her box etc. I went back in room for minute as mums thumb had locked in position (done it quite a bit lately) and and we talked bout that for a minute then I said not be a minute and went back in kitchen.Carer finished sheet and was putting some pots in the sink. I was telling carer bit about mum being upset more recently and ringing upset on evening, not recognising me, and she was talking about when mum rang me during her visit the other week. I said not to feel bad it happens a lot, she even does it when I'm there as thinks I'm not me. Carer was saying mum keeps talking bout her mum and husband and if they're dead. And I said I know it's stuck in her head at moment she can't stop. I told carer she seems to had downturn and was having another assessment tomorrow so we'd see what was said after that.
Mum shouted in once Are you two talking about me and I said No mum just washing our hands and talking bout carers paperwork. But a minute after mum came in shouting YOU TWO CAN BOTH GO!! Go on get out and she opened back door for us to leave. She was shouting we don't come in her house talking about her whispering in corners. We told her we hadn't we were just washing hands and putting pots in sink and chatting. She didn't believe us and for a good twenty minutes she was really angry with us and wanted us to leave. Hubby had arrived when mum was shouting at us in kitchen so me, carer and hubby tried to explain we'd just been in kitchen at same time and got chatting, we weren't talking about her, we weren't doing anything nasty. Mum was adamant we were, she said we'd gone outside to talk about her, I said carer was looking in car and as mum was looking at her knitting stuff I popped out to see how she was doing. She kept saying why were you in kitchen together? We said we were just washing hands after being outside, hubby told her cos we're supposed to after touching stuff outside so don't bring germs in. We said we'd just got chatting cos we like chatting and mum said she was supposed to have come to look after her not talk to me. I said it was ok for her to talk to me for a bit too we weren't ignoring her cos she was busy and we always chat together before I go. Mum said we shouldn't and she was going to ring office and tell them what she'd done.
She was sure we'd been plotting about her and even if we hadn't she didn't want us talking in her house without her and she wanted us all to go. Carer kept trying to say we're friends and you know how much I like to chat so we just chatted while we were in kitchen. Hubby and I kept saying you like carer coming you like spending time with her she's done nothing to hurt you. Carer said I thought we were good friends you and me. Mum said she did like her but not when we were talking about her. She wasn't budging so I told carer she could go if wanted, I'd ring office later and tell them not her fault. She hung on for a while and asked mum if she could stay but mum still said No I want you to go today. We'd tried distracting her by talking bout other things but mum wasn't having that either. After a go at distracting her talking about her knitting, Mum said she wanted her wool which I offered to pass her but mum said No I'll get it myself and made me move so she could get to corner for it. Carer asked again if she could stay again which mum said no to again, so carer said Ok I'll go then, She said I'll see you next week to mum which Mum ignored. Hubby said aren't you going to say bye to carer and mum ignored him. So I said Mum are you going to say bye to angela, she's come to see you and she's not done anything wrong and neither of us meant to upset you but it's rude to ignore her and not even say bye. Mum turned round as carer had stood up and she looked at us then walked nearer to carer touched her arm and said I'm sorry and then sat down. Carer said so I can I stay then and mum nodded and carer said thanks.
We stayed a bit longer trying to guage how mum was going to be with carer and get mum chatting. Carer said We've no need to do cleaning today if you don't want or I can do some and you can knit if you like . We'd been talking about cleaning when carer first came and mum had said she wanted to knit and me and carer had said do some for a bit and then knitting can be your reward which mum had sort of agreed to. When carer said they'd no need to do any now mum said I am knitting but we can if you want. Then she looked at me and said Sorry. I made a joke and said Did you just want to get out of cleaning mum eh. Mum laughed and said no we can do some. We all chatted for a few minutes and then I asked so Are you ok if I leave now and mum and carer said yes. I told carer see her next week and mum tomorrow and we left.
I felt so sorry for carer leaving her wondering how mum was going to be. Chances were once she'd come round mum would have been fine but carer has never seen that side of mum before and she looked really shocked when mum came in kitchen shouting at us and afterwards when we went back in room too. I wasn't sure if she was ok to stay but I'd told her a few times she could go and I'd stay and she'd hung on and asked mum if she could stay so I hope she was. It was quite a shocking incident though.
MC rang while I was at mums and left message saying would ring again tomorrow afternoon so I rang office when I got in and asked her to ring me back today if possible as had meeting tomorrow afternoon. She rang back a bit after. when she asked how things were I told her still not good I told her a bit about incident with mum, her calling on evening, crying about being on own, not knowing where lived, the careline door sensor call the other day, trying to leave my house on her own sunday before last, wanting me to leave on a morning sometimes, saying she'd seen dad, not knowing who I was etc etc. I told her we were having another SS assessment tomorrow and we talked a bit about care and mums medication. She is going to speak to DR tomorrow about mums current medication and if alternatives as she's not really benefitting from them same now but she's on highest dose and not sure if alternatives. She asked me to let her know how tomorrow goes. We were on half an hour again poor womans ears must bleed when I'm on phone but she is really kind.
Mums DC manager rang in between me ringing MC and her ringing back, DC manager said they're hoping to reopen week after next and wanted to know if mum wanted to go back and to tell me about new way of doing things. I said I hoped mum would go back as she had enjoyed it before and I thought did her good but I told her mum had got a bit worse and her medication had been upped recently but still wasn't really helping. She said well we can put her down as coming and when we get finalised date I'll get back in contact and we can see how she is then we can always take her name off list if she's not up to it. W talked bit about how mum had took to it and how things were going to work before we hung up. I thought best keep all these options open and there at moment as not sure how things are going to go yet.
By the time I'd got home after being late from mums, rang MC, then mums DC rang, then MC rang me back, It was almost dinner time and I'd not done any of the housework jobs I wanted to do today. So I put dinner in and did some of them round it and now after posting this I'm going to read last two SS assessments in hope of having an idea what they might ask and try to think what to say. I'd hoped to be able to do this earlier in day and maybe discuss it with sis but it's a lot later than I thought I'd be. I came on here while printing old assessments off and having a cuppa to have a little breather before I start, but to be honest my brain is mush again so I don't know how much will go in. I've copied and printed of
@DianeW ideas what to say from the other day so at least I have that as it may well be a case of just answering on spot tomorrow.