Maybe it's a common thing for SWs to say
@imthedaughter . It really annoyed me cos if they had known my mum before, she was so clean in herself and home and quite vocal about people who aren't and she still is vocal about others now just doesn't notice it about herself.
After quite a few attempts I managed to get through to DRs surgery at dinnertime and receptionist confirmed it was them who called yesterday. It was of health check along with BP and bloods mum had taken at surgery as part of mums annual check for the peripheral disease she has in leg, so that was a relief. ?
I missed a call from MC today while out having my hair cut. She left message to ring back to talk about how mum was doing. I rang back but she must have finished for day so if don't hear before will try her on thursday afternoon.
Its been a bit of an up and down day today, I rang mum on way over this morning and she sounded all snuffly, said had cold her head hurt and her neck ached, she asked where I was I said in car on way and she said Oh ok I'll see you soon then. Think if not set off already mum would have said not to come as not feeling good. When I got there mum was in grumpy mood and told me she'd told me not to come. I said she hadn't but I wasn't going to argue over it. I washed hands etc and took her glass of water for tablets. She snapped What do I want that for? I said for your tablets. Urgghhhh bloody tablets. When I gave her tablets she put them down on sofa rather than take them. I waited couple minutes and then said Are you going to take your tablets mum? Mum snapped IN A MINUTE! She waited a bit but did take them. She sat ignoring me for a while, loudly sniffing. Then she said Are you going to go home? I said I can't, hubbys gone home. She did her growl that she does lately when frustrated or angry at me and said Well I didn't ask you to come. I didn't say anything and she sat sniffing for a while longer
A bit later she said What you going to do just sit there? I said I can do what you like. Mum said You can go home. I said I can't hubby's gone home. She said So are you going to sit there all bloody day? She was looking at me this time so I smiled big smile and said Do you want me to do owt for you, any jobs I can do? Mum said No love. She still sounded grumpy but had said Love so I hoped there was a bit of a thaw. I sat quiet a bit longer and after bit she asked if wanted cup of tea.
She was grumpy again a bit later when talking about her cold and blowing nose and she told me to Shut up. But not long after when I was looking for mints in my bag she offered me one of hers and seemed to have thawed a bit again. Then she gave up on her puzzle and said she felt rotten cos of cold and was hot and I joked about her wanting a man to fan her and she laughed.
She started asking Are you our Andrea? Are you with Hubby? Where do you live? a few times so I asked if wanted tele on. Not long after put tele on she cheered up and snufflyness seemed to go off. She asked a few questions about rent and house and was calling me 'friend' from before lunch onwards but she was quite calm and ok rest of time I was there till Carer came at 2 and I left not long after.
Mum rang about 7 asking where W (my dad) was. She asked where he had gone and why he wasn't there. I tried to explain she didn't live with dad and hadn't for long time. She said she didn't understand what was happening and couldn't remember, she was sure she lived with dad but he wasn't here. She couldn't understand how dad was dead when she'd seen him other day and he'd been living with her till christmas and said he wanted live with C. I told her she was remembering something from long time ago, I said the usual thing about her brain getting tired and it muddles things up. I said it'll come back to you in morning. Mum said It won't cos I've been thinking about him all week, which is true. Mum said I can't believe it it can't be right, I know I lived with him here, it was only few week ago at Christmas. She was asking about the house she lived in, if dad had lived in it, I said he hadn't it was just her house. She was upset and said she didn't know why she was on her own, or what to do, didn't know what was happening. She had nobody, I told her she had me and Mum said But I've no man I said No I know but you have been better off without him for years and he wouldn't be around much if he was still here cos he was always out. Mum asked if she saw 'friend and her hubby' I said not now, she asked why I said they weren't friends anymore. Mum said doesn't 'friend' come see me I'm sure she comes, I said that's me mum. She asked bit bout that and said thought didn't see me. Then went back to where was W? what happened to him cos they were together, I said it's long time ago mum it's an old memory. Mum asked about him being dead and said she had nobody again and then said I can't even go see my mum cos she's dead too. I said I know mum I'm sorry and she said I know you are I'm sorry love I'll go and then hung up. She was crying when hung up so I rang her back.
Mum was still crying, I asked if she was ok. She said No I don't know what's happening I don't understand why I'm here on my own. She asked about dad again and wanted to know if still lived in old house and what happened to it, where dad went. I briefly took her through what happened when, mum said she didn't remember any of it and was sure her and dad had lived together till Christmas which was only few week ago. She asked why did she think it was only recent. I said Its what happens sometimes when you're brain gets tired, mum asked why, could I explain it cos she didn't understand what was happening, she didn't like it, did I know?
I told her it's not fair but it's what happens sometimes when people get alzheimers, the brain gets muddled and sometimes it remembers an old memory, mixes in other memories, misses out lots of recent things and comes up with something that feels real and recent but it isn't . Mum said It feesl real to me, I said I know it's hard but try not to think too much tonight, it'll come back to you tomorrow, you'll remember things better in morning. She said she'd try and I asked what she'd been doing and she said her puzzles and had tele on so I said try just think of those and not worry. She said ok and asked if I'd come see her sometime and I said tomorrow morning. She said good and then said I think our Andreas coming tomorrow though. I said That's ok mum that's me and she said Oh your our Andrea aren't you. I said Yes, mum said Is it 'friend' then who's coming? I said No it's me. She asked did she see 'friend' and her hubby. I told her not now and she wanted know why, I said you not been friends for years I dont know why mum.( I didn't want to say why.) She said don't I have any friends now then? I thought I saw a friend. I told her she used to see another friend who we'd been talking about earlier today and said her daughter stopped working and so she was spending more time with her and you spent lot of time with me so you stopped meeting up.
Mum said But I don't see you? I told her she did everyday, she said I'd not been today she'd been on her own all day so I said I'd been there till bout 1/4 past 2 and carer had been, she remembered carer and said Oh Yes sorry, She asked if saw her other kids. I told her had me and see her everyday and sis who lives in scotland, rang her every week. She asked few questions about who I lived with, where, and did she come to my house, could she come when she was feeling better sometime, I told her she could. She said but I don't have anybody else but you, I said you got hubby and sis and I'm there loads so you don't have time for many other people. She said I thought I was on my own all time. I said I'm there most of the day it's only evening I'm not and you're in bed asleep a lot of it. She said I love you Andie and I said I love you mum that's why I'm always with you we're like Siamese twins and she laughed.
We went round a couple of times more about not seeing friends and dad and where she lived but she had stopped crying and was sounding a bit calmer by then. I told her not to think too much tonight, she'd remember in the morning, she was in right place, everything she had was there, she didn't need to worry cos everything was sorted, she was safe there. I'd be there in the morning. She said ok and told me she loved me, I said same and we said see you tomorrow and hung up. I think she felt a bit better when we hung up though still confused bless her.