Thanks for replies
@Starting on a journey @DianeW @Sarasa @canary xxxx
Sis messaged me after she'd finished work and sent me photos of questions as she went along. First was just multiple choice questions about tasks and then there was a summary to direct you to things to read to help with things in multiple choice questions and then you could add additional information about why needed help before actually submitting form. Sis wrote in that part that she was filling it in on behalf of mum and we'd been seen by SW before but thought mums needs had changed significantly, that mum was no longer able to care for herself independently the majority of the time. She put mum needs prompting to clean and change clothes etc needs me to give her meals and medication. Main concern is mum is anxious about being on her own, doesn't always recognise me and so wants me to leave, thinks I'm lying and threatens to leave herself if I don't. That mum has carer 2 afternoons a week which mum took to originally but on last visit she wasn't able to console or distract mum and mum rang me twice about where her house and furniture was. That mum wants to go live with her mum or our dad who are no longer her and wants to leave house to find them on an evening. Fom late morning mum has no concept of her life and events and is confused, we understand this is to be expected but level of questions is hard to contain when she doesn't recognise me, thinks I'm lying and threatens to leave. We have adjusted door sensor times because she rings at night wanting to leave and go home. She ended it saying we feel mum requires care or someone with her constantly to ease her anxiety as she is scared to be on her own and phones in tears on a night. She put I was exhausted and couldn't commit to any increase in care as it was putting a strain on mine and hubbys health and relationship and I feel I might be adding to mums stress when she doesn't know who I am as she wants me to leave, or threatens to leave herself and gets aggressive. That I have had to leave her alone a few times cos of it and this has interfered with medication routine and led to fears mum may leave house to look for me. She finished it that we'd appreciate a new assessment of mums needs and opportunity to discuss options.
It was an odd feeling after sis submitted it, like we were going behind mums back trying to ask for something mum doesn't want and plotting against her even though we are trying to do what's best for mum because we love her and want things to be better for her.
It felt a bit odd that mum had a better day today while I was there and there were no calls while carer was there this afternoon yet we were filling form in anyway, I know it's not always a better day though, the last few haven't been better days.
I was hoping mum was going to have good day today without worry and upset but then my mobile while went at 7.03. Mum asked if I had a key to our house. She meant the house her and dad lived in that we had all lived in before they split us and yet again she thought they had only just split up and she'd only just moved to that house again. Tonight she kept saying she thought she'd only been there since christmas so only a few weeks. We were on the phone for 20 minutes, she wasn't crying today just very confused and sad sounding.
She didn't think her and dad had just split up and she'd lived there years, she didn't know I'd been to see her every day, or been today till I reminded her I'd done her hair this morning and she said Oh yes that was lovely I enjoyed that. She kept going round and round with questions where was W (my dad), was he dead, when did he die, it didn't feel like that long, had she been on her own all this time, how long had she lived here, so was that house empty. Why did she think it had only just happened? I said sometimes you get mixed up when your brain gets tired, you'll remember in the morning mum try not to worry about it now. Mum said Ok love.
Then she'd said she didn't see me and then she asked if I went to see her, she didn't remember, was I married, was it -, where did i live, oh i have that in my book, are you Andrea --, have I been to your house, have you been married long. Is our Andrea married, are you our Andrea, oh I thought you were my friend, who's my friend, do I have any friends, who do I go and see with her husband. Is my mum dead, was it a long time ago, is it oh, why can't I remember. Again I told her try not to worry tonight it will come back to you tomorrow you just get mixed up sometimes when you're brain gets tired. Ok I'll try.
Then mum asked is my mum dead, is it a long time ago I didn't think it was a long time ago, does our - and - (brothers) know. Is W dead too, when did he die, but I thought I'd been with him at Christmas, I thought he'd told me he wanted to be with C, is that not right, are you sure, I can't believe that, why does it feel like it was recent, I said its' just your brain mixing memories up mum. It remembers old things and misses out new things sometimes. Does our Andrea know, does our - (sis) know, how do you know, are you sure, did you see where he lived, was that in our house, did I not live with him, are you sure I'm sure I was living with him till Christmas.
She said I don't know what to do, I don't understand it I don't know what I'm doing. I told her again about mixing memories up and said try not to think it about it tonight mum cos the more you think about things the more mixed up they get. Mum said Do they? I said Yes when your brains tired like it is now it can't remember things properly and you just wear it out trying to think about it. I know it's hard but try not to worry mum. Say I'm not worrying tonight I'll work it out in morning I'm safe in my house now and our Andreas coming in morning, She said ok I'll try love and then said I'll go now then. We said night and love you lots and then she said But I don't see you.
I told her I went every day and mum said I haven't seen you today so we had another round of if I'd been, what we'd done, where I lived, who was I married to etc. She asked if she came to my house and then said she thought she went to her friends house not mine, where was friend again. I told her it was my house she just mixes us up with friend sometimes, then mum asked who I was and was I our Andrea, her Andrea, her daughter, she hadn't meant me she thought she was talking to friend. Mum said but I come to your house all the time. I said well you would cos your my mum and mums and daughters see each other a lot. Mum said Do we? I said yes I see you at your house and you come to mine, I see you a lot cos I love you lots. Mum said Oh I love you lots too but got tongue twisted and we had a little laugh about having wrong teeth in and tripping over words . Mum said have I seen you today and I said Yes I was there till carer came and I reminded her about doing her hair and when she remembered that I said I'm going to be hairdresser in my spare time but people can only have a straight one length bob. Mum said what even men? and I said Yep everybody, man, woman or child, will come out with same bob hairstyle it's my signature and we laughed.
Mum said after that Will I see you tomorrow and when I said yes she said Ok I'll see you then and we started to say bye, I hoped I'd cheered her up a bit and we could leave things with her remembering laughing.
But then she started again by asking if I knew where she lived, would I go to her or her come to me cos she didn't know where I lived. Then she asked where I lived, if she could come to my house sometime, had she been before, had I lived here long, had I been married long, was it to same man, he was nice, what was my surname, oh I've got that in my book but I thought that was my friend, are you my daughter, Oh ok. Oh I'm confused I don't know. So again I told her to try not worry about it tonight just relax and it will come back to her tomorrow and I'd see her tomorrow. This time mum said ok love and we said night and love you lots again and hung up.
Poor mum it's cruel that she can't remember things and then also can't remember what you tell her to comfort her and explain, she forgets what's happened but can't seem to forget to worry about things.