@annielou please please please stop being so hard on yourself , I wish you could be as kind to yourself as you are to everyone else, you have a huge heart full of gold , you are kind and caring and extremely patient . You seem to be under the illusion that everyone is coping fantastically and are under more pressure than you , well speaking personally I am not coping fantastically , I just don’t admit it .... I am getting extraordinarily close to organising a care home for mum, I am struggling on most days and just today in the shower I realise our house has very little laughter ,it’s full of anxiety and stress, not all the time but enough and I want a better enviroment for Mum . I feel a complete failure for not being the happy bubbly person I was , it’s not all due to mum bring here though. You don’t make mum sound bad and you not dealing with it well, you sound like an exhausted, extremely caring daughter who is open and honest in sharing your feelings and thoughts . I certainly appreciate that as I then feel I am not alone in feeling wrung out . Hubby and I have discussed our lines but they are shifting slightly and we may do more or less than we agreed but both feel we are on limited time now, maybe once she goes back to day centre it will help hugely and things will be easier, I’m hoping anyway . Hopefully your mum can get back soon too. Can you find a way to make the SS care visits work ? Was it 3 a day ? I feel you def need a bit more time away if sis can do a few days that may help . Respite well I wouldn’t even have considered it before as I know she will deteriorate BUT I see it as a necessity if I am to carry on , I worry my daughters will resent me for their whole way of life having to change and youngest having to look after her nan occasionally while I help care for in laws , that we haven’t been able to take them out for a meal , a film, shopping or even a holiday , to visit family we used to see a lot , they don’t have friends round now, I don’t even go upstairs to their room to see them or joke around or watch a film with them . Sorry this bit has become about me but I wanted you know you arent alone ? I think you are dealing with it all amazingly , it ISNT your fault and that you arent dealing with it properly .......it’s the bloody horrid disease. I understand how you feel about trying to leave Mum to a crisis , it’s the hardest thing to even contemplate, I get how you feel about respite and mum potentially being worse after and you having to pick up the pieces . I understand that you don’t want to have to move back in and feel pressured . I can’t tell /advice you , you have to do what you think is right and the least worse option . Just want to say that as much as this sounds harsh , your mum has had her life , not an easy one by the sounds of it but you are allowed to have a life and you shouldn’t feel completely responsible for trying to make mum happy every day . Please try and think of a way to have a whole day off , at least (more if you can ) once a week ,thinking of you and sending great big hugs and a lot of respect to you .????? Repeat after me please ,@annielou is a lovely kind caring person doing her very best and I will be kind to her . Xx