Thanks
@Bikerbeth @Woo2 @anxious annie xxx
Yesterday got me down, don't know why it was no worse than other days but I felt on edge of tears most of afternoon, maybe tired or hormones.
When I got to mums yesterday morning I noticed she had some paper with what looked like numbers on it. I went to wash my hands and put some bits away I'd took over and then asked what she was doing. Mum said she was trying to work out her age. On the paper she had wrote down born 1947 I was 1 in 1948 then underneath she'd wrote about 5 years under each other with age at side then done same at side of it a couple of times, then done same again for a few more rows over a couple of pages. it was hard to follow as sometimes she'd gone down 4 rows and 3 columns across and other 5 rows or 4 columns across.
Mum had come up with 71 but didn't know if that was right. I said she was 73 she said how do you know? I said cos I know what year you were born and how old you are. She said But how can you add it up and work it out. I added it up for her using this year and her birth year and she said How come you can do that maths? She sounded quite surprised I knew how to add up, either she thought I was bit thick or she thought if she didn't know then I wouldn't, either way I didn't say anything. She showed me her papers and asked me check it. She'd got it right up her 60s but then she'd squashed for columns of years on 4 rows but not put age against final column so she had missed 4 years of ages off and when I read next lot of rows she had gone up to 2022 so had lost 4 years and gained 2 making her 71 on paper. I told mum what she'd done and she had me alter paper to show her what it should be and then she believed me.
I'd noticed when I'd been in kitchen when I arrived it looked like she'd been rifling through the letter rack since I went home on wednesday, it was probably in evening when she was unsettled wondering if her mum was alive or not. When I went in bin later I saw some torn up envelopes and bits that had been in letter rack. I don't really leave anything at mums of any importance so it doesn't matter what she's thrown away luckily.
Mum said she'd been looking at photos yesterday, probably again looking for things when worrying about her mum, so we got her photo box out and looked at them yesterday morning. We spent about an hour looking and chatting which was nice, mum did mix photos of me and my sister as a baby up a few times and sometimes told me this is Our Andrea as if I didn't know. There were a couple of photo of me on hubbys knee when we were young on one you could only see a bit of one side of me and my head was cut off as I'd been laughing and almost falling off. Mum said it was her, I said it was me, but mum thought it was her because I had a navy cardi on with a white trim in photo and mum has one like that now. She didn't know why she was sat on my hubbys knee but was sure it was her rather than me. I showed her other photo of us where you could see all of me sat on his knee but she still wasn't sure bless her.
After lunch mum decided to put washer on and I was in kitchen as I'd just washed up so stayed and chatted to her. She asked if she'd put soap in and I said no so she got liquitab out popped it in but didn't get fabric conditioner so I said aren't you putting fabric conditioner in mum. She said Oh I do it at end. I thought she meant end of putting items in. She finished filling washer and turned dial and was about to press start so I said You've not put conditioner in yet mum. Well she wasn't happy with that she spun round looked at me like I was poo on her shoe and said I don't put it in till end. I said you need to put it in before you turn washer on. That started mum off on rant of how you don't put it in at start you put it in before final rinse, she always has done, it doesn't use conditioner till end and if you put it in at beginning it goes in with washing part and there's none left to make clothes soft at end. I said you can't open drawer when washer is on mum you have to put it in before you start it. She was adamant you could but did put some in before starting washer with a very shouty and flouncy THERE ITS IN NOW!!!!!
We went back in to room and had a good ten minutes of mum going on about she didn't need me to tell her how to wash she'd been washing 40 odd year and knew more about it than me. She didn't need me coming into her house telling her how to use her bloody washer and do her bloody washing. She kept going on about you don't put it in till end and what did I know anyway. I said quite a few times Ok mum it's on now so it doesn't matter or its done now lets leave it but mum was still going. I tried to say I was just reminding her not telling her what to do. She carried on arguing mainly with herself as I didn't say much but then said WHY can't I do that why do YOU think its WRONG! I said you can't open drawer when washer is on mum cos water feeds in through drawer and it would spray out so you put it in at beginning. She said I DO! So what have you got to say about that! I said I don't think you do mum cos how would you know when it was before final rinse to get up and go put it in drawer. She said you don't need to open drawer it knows when to put it in it sits there till its time. Which was right, that's how it works but while she was arguing that she was still arguing that she didn't put it in at beginning. I said its done now mum lets not argue bout it, I didn't mean to tell you what to do. She said WELL BLOODY DON'T THEN and then sat quiet for few minutes before trying to start again telling me she knew better than me how to wash but I just said Ok and we went back to sitting in silence for while.
After a bit I tried mentioning bits to do with what happening on tv to get her chatting and eventually it worked, but I really didn't want to, I just wanted to get my bag and go. After about half an hour I made us a cup of tea and mums washer finished so she emptied it. There must have been a tissue she missed cos it went everywhere in kitchen so we shook everything and then while mum put them on line I said I'll get hoover mum cos we'll never pick all these bits up. I took opportunity while mum was in yard to hoover kitchen, hall and living room and told mum thought I might as well while hoover was out. We had our cup of tea while we waited for carer to arrive.
Carer came and before I left she mentioned they'd cleaned last week and I said thanks. During chat about it mum said she used to be always cleaning but not now, she said I think it now W (my dad) isn't here. Carer said was she when mum said she always used to be cleaning and I said Yes and I struggle now cos I'll want to clean but mum doesn't and it often ends up in arguments and mum shouting at me. I don't like saying things like that in front of mum but she didn't seem bothered. She was telling carer about how my dad liked things just so and was really fussy bout his clothes. Carer asked bout mums ironing and few other things and said what they'd done last week, she said did you tell your Andrea what I found on top cupboard in bathroom. Mum hadn't, She said loads of dust. I said I'm not surprised. I was bit embarassed?? though as I feel I should have done that. I do dust up there when i do bathroom if I'm not interrupted by mum telling me that's enough, or kicking off I'm cleaning. Mum often does bathroom herself when we do clean and I try catch bits she misses and do them after but I must have forgot top of cupboard last couple of times. I told her while chatting I'd hoovered quickly today but that was all managed.
Before I left carer mentioned not coming next tuesday cos mums at hospital. I said oh yes its her eye tests. Mums said What?Where am I going? I said it's your eye appointment next week. She said I'm not going!. (usually says that) I said You've been saying all week how you need go and fed up waiting. She said Well I changed my mind I said Ok we'll sort it later, She said When is it? I said Tuesday 2nd June. She said it 5th. It says 5th on letter and was pointing to table. I said We didn't get letter mum I did it on phone its on 2nd. Mum said ITS NOT! it's on 5th I know it is. I said Ok then we'l go on 5th then. and smiled. Carer laughed quietly. I said I best get off now then cos hubbys got to get back to work so mum said Ok bye. I said see her tomorrow and she said yes. As I left mum said thanks 'friend'