Upset day today mum has been so mixed up her poor brain must feel like it is going to explode, mine certainly does.
Mum came to ours and seemed to know who we were until just after lunch. Got colouring out but brought the pencils I leave at mums, said they were our Andies cos couldn't find hers. Kept saying Our Andie will play pop when she knows I used them. She just ignored me when I said I was me and it was fine for her to use them. She was fine for couple of hours colouring and chatting but called me 'friend' a few times, I just kept calling her mum.
About 3 she said she better go home cos brother might be there emptying house. I tried to say it was all sorted long time ago. Mum wanted to know when, then how I knew. Told her she'd told me about it. Mum didn't believe she had, didn't believe she was my mum, or told me about it, didn't believe I was me, or her mum had been dead a long time. She did agree her mum had died at 50 and she was 73 so must have been a long time ago but said she wanted to go home and wanted to talk to our Andrea. I wasn't her I was 'friend' not THE 'friend' but A 'friend' with same name. Mum asked hubby who I was and if he thought her mum had died long time ago.He said yes to so she said Ok.
Thought managed to settle and distract her but few minutes later she wanted to go home this time to talk to brother. We said she could but he'd only say same as us that it was all sorted and she didn't need to worry about it, so she sat back again. Then she said she didn't know where she lived and wanted to go home cos wasn't sure about her mum dying. I said we'll take you home if like, you'll recognise house when you see it but it might not make you remember other stuff any more than being here. She still wanted to go so we took her.
Recognised house when we got there and was ok but looking for address book to ring her brother. Tried to distract her which didn't work so then told her again it was long time ago. She went over ages of her and her mum and agreed it was long time ago. She said we could go home she'd be ok on her own, I said we usually spend sunday with her but she kept saying we could go and said wanted to be on her own cos she might want to cry. I told her I was sorry had reminded her about her mum it was a long time ago but still sad. I suggested I stay and hubby go home but she wanted us both to go so we did.
I told hubby she'd probably ring soon and I'd go back. so we went to tesco for hubbys prescription. Mum rang my mobile in tears and asked if I knew her mum had died. I told her I did and was sorry but it was a long time ago, she said she didn't think she had known she was dead. I asked her if she wanted me to go back. Mum said No she was ok. She thought she had been at 'friends' and then was upset cos was mixed up. Said she was mental cos she should know her mum was dead. I said usual thing bout her brain getting mixed up when tired. She was sad cos her mum died. I said It is sad, its awful and I wish it didn't happen to you and I wish I could stop it. I said I'll come back mum and she said I didn't need to she'd be ok, but was still crying so when hubby came back to car I asked him to drop me back.
Mum said I'm glad you've come cos I've not seen you for ages, she was still crying a bit. For next hour she kept asking about her mum, where I'd been cos she thought she hadn't seen me for ages, thought I'd just left and not said anything, asking about my dad dying and saying she thought she was all on her own, saying she didn't see me or my sister, asking where I lived and if she'd been and was it nice. She thought she had been at 'friends' and didn't know been at mine. Kept asking as soon as we finished one thing she asked another and kept asking similar things. She said she was mental and couldn't remember things so I told her she wasn't and tried reassure her. She said her mind had gone and she forgot things and talked bit about alzheimers. Mum said she had some good days but others like today she didn't know what doing and then said You won't put me in a home will you, don't put me in a home. I said it's not up to me, it's up to drs and they say you don't need a home. She said Good.
Then mum said I'm on my own cos my mum is dead, well I think she is is she? I said yes. And W (my dad) is dead and I've no friends and I don't see you or our (my sister) so I'm on my own. I said she wasn't on her own, had me, I see her everyday, sis comes when she can but has job and kids etc and lives hours away and can't travel at moment. She told me again she thinks doesn't see me and didn't know she came to my house and had seen me today, she was sorry and glad I came and saw her cos she loves me. I told her I love her and wouldn't ignore her or not see her.
She seemed to calm down a bit and her tummy rumbled and she said I don't think I've eaten today. I told her what we'd had for lunch but it was about 4 hours ago at 1 so might be ready for tea and she said Oh yes. We made sandwiches and were watching tv while we ate. Mum asked me when I'd got married and if she came to wedding and if I was happy and then asking where my house was and if she'd been and did she walk there. Then asked Weren't you with - (friends hubby) before. I said no that was 'friend'. I was just wondering if mum had lost me again when she asked where our Andrea had gone.
She was quite calm and not teary anymore but on and off for next hour asked if she'd been to my wedding, saying didn't think saw me, thought I'd just gone off without telling her and was sorry she couldn't remember, then she settled down. Hubby came back to pick me up just before 7, mum was ok and after programe finished we left about 10 past 7. I said I'd see her tomorrow and she waved us off.
Just as we got home my mobile rang. Its your mum, am I ever going to see you? Quite angry. I said I've just left your house mum and I'm coming again tomorrow morning. She didn't know I'd been, thought been with friend and hubby and said sorry. I said Its ok don't worry about it. She said have you been here and I said yes and mum said Somebody's been here a man and a woman but I didn't know who it was. Was it you? I said yes it was me and hubby came pick me up. She said Sorry I didn't know who it was and I didn't think you'd been. She said she was mental I said she wasn't she was just bit mixed up, it didn't matter. Then mum said So will you come and see me sometime then? I said Yes I'll come in morning is that ok? Mum said Have you been today? I said Yes, she said I didn't think I saw you and you didn't love me, she was crying. I told her not to get upset I loved her and I saw her all time and I'd come in morning. We went back and forth a couple more times over if I'd been or someone else and sorry didn't know it was me. She kept alternating between being sorry and crying and being snappy cos she thought I didn't go and hadn't seen me for ages.
She was talking over me and not listening to my answers and after she said again But you don't come see me. I ended up being quite abrupt and saying I picked you up this morning mum, brought you to my house, we had lunch then you wanted to leave at 3, so we took you home just after, then you wanted to be on your own cos upset about your mum so we left, you rang ten minutes later crying so I came back, I stayed at your house for about 3 hours till hubby came, and we left about 1/4 of an hour ago. She said I'm sorry I didn't know it was you, and was crying again. I felt awful, said I was sorry for being snappy I know not doing it on purpose, I shouldn't snap. She said sorry and she'd go. I felt bad, I said Don't go while your upset I'm sorry mum I know it's confusing for you. She said she just wanted know who'd been cos someone had and she didn't know who and when they went she thought our Andie hadn't been so she rang me to ask.
We went round a few more times with mum getting upset and angry asking why I didn't go and saying she didn't know I'd been. I said even though I know she can't help it and it's not on purpose it does hurt that she thinks that, I know it must be awful and scary for her thinking I've not been to see her but I'd never do that and I'm sorry that sometimes I get upset and snappy with her. She said sorry again and she'd let me go, we were both crying and I said Shall I come back over mum do you want me to come back? Mum said no she'd be ok. I said Don't be upset mum I love you and I come to see you every day and I'll come tomorrow. She said she was sorry she didn't know what she was doing and what to do and who was who and she was on her own. I said You're not on your own mum you've got me I come every day I can come back now. she said No its ok.
Then she said again she was on her own she'd not got W (my dad) I said well you're better off without him mum you were on your own when you were with him anyway. Mum said And my mums died. I said I know and that's sad but it was a long time ago. Mum said but I'm on my own now. I said you're not mum you've got me I come everyday. She said I didn't know I saw you everyday I thought I didn't see you anymore. We had a few more sorrys, didn't know saw me from mum and from me it's ok, I come everyday and I'll be there in morning. We were both still upset when we said night.
I had a major cry when she'd hung up. I didn't know if I should go over again or not. I'd gone back to hers when she rang this afternoon cos I didn't want her to be upset and confused on her own, but as soon as I left tonight looks like she forgot I'd been and was confused and upset again. I wondered if I went back again would same just happen when I left again so I ended up staying here and worrying and crying on and off for a couple of hours and then just worrying