I am mentally exhausted today and I'm sure mum must be even more so. She has barely stopped asking questions and challenging my answers all day. No amount of agreeing or trying not to disagree, attempts at distraction, asking to change subject, giving short answers, long answers and even firm verging on shouting answers has satisfied mum today. Her brain hasn't given either of us a rest in the 8 or so hours I've been there today and she's also rung twice since I left about 10 past 7, once at 20 past 7 and again just before 8 o'clock.
I feel so sorry for her as she really is mixed up and no amount of her trying to work things out, or asking me things is going to make it make sense to her. She doesn't even wait for me to finish answering before she starts telling me something else, or often starts asking the same question.
Her brain can not keep track of things and I am getting to stage after hours of constant mixed upness day after day that I'm struggling to make sense of things too. I've actually gone through some papers when I got home tonight to write down some dates for my own benefit as I'm starting to doubt the time frame myself now.
This morning when I rang to say what time I'd be there she told me not to go over as her cold was back and she didn't want me to catch it. I told her it was ok I'd stay down wind and also told her I had to go to give her her tablets etc when she said it again. When hubby and I arrived she kept telling me to go home as she just wanted to be on her own and read her book and not talk to anyone. I told her it was ok I didn't mind if she read and didn't chat I could go on my phone, knit or something but no she wasn't happy with that. I had an hour of mum telling me to go, she could take her own tablets, she could just miss her tablets today, she makes her own meals and doesn't need me to do them, she didn't ask me to go and she didn't want me there. She kept saying I treat her like an imbecile and take over and do things because I want to be in charge.
Then she drifted into what was point of me being there if I wasn't talking to her, I'd been there an hour and had barely spoke to her. ? We hadn't stopped talking since I got there, mainly mum going on at me, but I had been answering her and trying to say I needed to stay but it was fine if she was quiet and also trying to change subject on to other nicer things which hadn't worked so me sitting there not talking was totally wrong. We had half an hour of her saying she's lonely and doesn't have a friend and if she did I wouldn't need to go every day cos she'd be with them. After half an hour of that she went back to me not needing to be there cos she looked after herself.
Eventually thanks to her tummy keep rumbling I managed to get her onto talking about lunch and she stopped going on about me being there while we made lunch and ate it. She'd put tv, on after a gentle reminder how to put it on and quite a lot of reminders of which day it was so she could see what was on in tv guide, so we watched tv and chatted bit about it while we ate.
After lunch I got my knitting out and encouraged her to get hers out in the hope it would calm her down and give us something else to focus on. Which it did a bit but she soon also started asking questions every so often about who I was and asking about her and my dad getting back together and where she lived, when my dad died, when her mum died and nothing I said was right and nothing I tried to distract her worked and by four o'clock she had given up on knitting and tv watching and was in full on non stop but I thought this, and when did this happen, and do you think it was this, until half five when hubby came back for dinner.
The things she were thinking were totally mixed up, illogical and out of sync and some things were nothing like any real happenings but she would insist on trying to figure it out, which of course the more she tried the more mixed up it got. Nothing I said or did had any effect. Luckily when hubby came she calmed down a bit and she seemed calmer when I put dinner out and even though she told me she didn't want all that dinner she ate it all. She was still getting things mixed up though and she asked a few questions she didn't accept the answer of.
She seemed in an ok mood when we left about 10 past 7 but rang my mobile just as hubby and I pulled up at home to ask if she'd given us any dinner, I told yes we'd had dinner, (she didn't make it I did but I didn't say that). She said she had just washed up and there were 3 plates but she couldn't remember seeing us eat anything and didn't know if she'd made us anything. So I told her what we'd had and she said oh yes, sorry love I'm going daft I don't always remember things. I told her she wasn't daft and it was fine and we chatted a few minutes before saying bye.
She rang again about half hour or so later and asked me if I was alright and said I've not seen you today have I? so I said we'd been there earlier. Mum said Oh yes, I thought someone had been and she told me again about washing up and there being 3 plates. I told her they were hers, mine and hubbys and what we'd had. She told me she could remember hubby eating but not me and she didn't remember I'd been and then she wanted to know when I had arrived and left. When I told her she apologised for not knowing me and we talked about her forgetting when she's tired but knowing me in day. Then she said have I rung you already tonight and I said yes, she said I just remembered I did cos you said what we'd eaten then, oh I'm sorry love. I told her it was fine I didn't mind. She asked me again if I was ok and was hubby ok and were we at our house and then asked if I'd see her tomorrow and I said yes. She told me good and to have a nice evening and I reminded her of programme she likes that was due to start so she said she watch it and said night, we told each other love you lots and see you tomorrow. I'm hoping she put tv programme on and settled down and is ok.